for @abolex only do not lurk
its a private space kinda , if u ever feel u dont wanna share it in front of loads of people
Okay.... so... Im dealthy scared of growing up, i know, everyone is a little scared of growing old but this is, like.. my worst nightmare, this is pretty much the only thing im actually terrified about, each year at my birthday i always get upset, i cry, i hate my birthdays, it has been like this for years, even tho its supposed to be a fun day, i truly hate it, its always the worst day of the year for me i hate it.. so much, the amount of times i cryed on my birthday, is insane, even when i was getting close to my birthday, i would cry, even months before, i would always think, (Oh no, my birthday is coming in 100 days) and i would cry about it, this might just seem like im just a crybaby, but yes, i am honestly... :( Now... today, is my birthday but its.... not any birthday... im... 18... I just turned 18 not even a hour ago... I have been scared of this for years and years i never ever ever say how old i am to anyone i truly HATE my age i hate it so much, i always did even when i was younger, now im having a full breakdown about it, i cryed so much that my eyes hurt so bad, i cant even cry anymore... Im panicking like crazy i cant even think im just like dead inside, yes, it seems like im just overreating but i promise im not trying to... :( Also i look like im 12... Whenever i said my age, (When i had no choice) people would always think im lying or they would be rlly surprised, i hate it, and i also sound like a kid too i have not aged up physically in years in years i look the same from pictures i took years ago... Actually last year, i was at school and there was like groups with like 11-12 year olds and a random teacher asked me if i was lost and if i was looking for my group, they didnt even ask me, Are u new, do u belong here? or something like that... She just assumed that i was new, i dont match my age at all, another reason why i hate it more then anything.. also i might seem mature from the way i type but in reality im not mature either, i just type like this because im a moderator in many places, for big content creators and others, so im simply used to typing like this, in real life its not like this at all, maybe i should stop being so childish.. so now what am i supposed to do, lie, avoid saying it all the time?... i have no clue... im rlly rlly scared i feel horrible.... i have so much more to say but i dont want to make a book and make u guys have to read so much, thats already too much, i know, im gonna get judged for this... im awake of it.... Also PLEASE dont wish me a happy birthday, its not a happy birthday, its a i hate this birthday more then anything in my life, im already gonna have to deal with a lot of happy birthdays, im a youtuber, and i have A LOT of friends, and my familly will wish me happy birthday) I wonder what im gonna do tomorrow... im trying to cry as much as i can now so i dont burst tomorrow but... idk if i will handle it, its hard to act happy all the time when we feel terrible in reality, i dont even sleep anymore and it also causes me to have other personal issues, its rlly badddd... honestly, i feel like i will never be happy ever again......... :(
@Abolex give e a few mins to read
Did u read it? :(
@affableField3274 so i read the whole thing , and i wanna give u a lil advice , im turnin 18 in 5 months so we r not that apart in age; and based on what u said i just felt something , u r opposite of what i am and after u read this u will know why. so its okay to feel childishh or look like a child , i dont know if u believe in this or not, but i am a bit spiritual ; there was one thing i read once and it totally made sense . it said '' your physical age is the age everyone knows , but your spiritual age is different, this could be your first lifetime or maybe your 5th. you might be 18 and feel like 18 im 17 and i feel like 35. this could be your first lifetime and so u might feel childish sometimes. okay the other thing u said that physically u look 12 everyone looks different babe i remember being in 7th grade and ppl assumed i am in highschool or college bcz of how i look, i know its insensitive to say this rn , but when u r gonna look 25 when u r 35 so brightside... ( sorry if i offended) you said u r a moderator of a youtube channel or smthing , it makes total sense why u feel like a child , cz u r doing a job of an adult while being a child, 18 is the ''legal adult age'' that doesnt mean u ''have'' to be.
Mhm... yeah... i guess thats not wrong i understand where u are coming from... :( Ty, that helped a tiny little bit.. :(
@affableField3274 and whoever u r; i dont know u personally but i can surely tell i thing , u r doing such a good job at a very young age. you r scared of growing up and all i ever wanted was to grow up , cz of my terrible household . i am constantly failing classes and stressing abt college
@Abolex if u write a book abt yourself , imma read it , i will listen to u bcz i know how it feels when u have no one who gets u. and yk wht, im gonna say it.
Happy birthday , its a blessing that u exist as a wonderful human that i got to know, getting old is scary , but u have experiences that will help you.
i have a theory about birthday and aging ; now that u r 18 , that doesnt mean u r just ''18'' . You are all ages before that and 18, when u feel like u wanna gulp down that 1000ml of soda thats the 10 yr old in you. when u feel u wanna slam the doors bcz u had a bad day thats the 14 yr old you. when u feel an accomplishment of a very hard task thats the 16 year old you. when you feel you are an adult thats the 18 yr old you.
Awww okay, thank you...
@Abolex look life is hard , but also all the situations are temporary, nothing last forever that includes happiness as well. some days r harder than others and thats okay , you r strong enough to face it and come out the other side
Technically that will last forever tho.... :( Im still scared and upset honestly but all that did help a bit tho, so ty
@Abolex another thing my voice is like 7 yr old, that made me insecure for alot of yrs but then i slowly accepted who i am . let me list the things that made me / makes me insecure.
hyperpigmentation in different areas on my body
my size, im curvy with a belly that looks gross
i have strech marks
but i also have many things im proud of
i can speak 4 languages
i am emotionally matue
Ohh okay, honestly i love the way i sound and look, i just dont like my age, it feels like my age is just a random number that i found somewhere since it doesnt match me at all, when we are between 1-20 and someones think we are 5 years younger or older then we actually are, theres something a little wrong... I feel like people that are older are harder to know their age accurately based on how they look....
@Abolex u have good parents ( i think so...) so u feel whtever age u wanna feel. you are good person abolex you deserve to be happy , dont overthink abt aging ; Aging only makes u better , it gives u lessons that u will never forget , it makes your graceful , it shapes your personality and constantly makes you better. i dont know anything abt your friends, if they r good ppl then good for u , but if they r selfish and disgusting , F the friends who make fun of u to hurt u. i mean i rn have no friend cz whoever treated me wrong i said '' F off i dont care abt your F-ing opinion, at first i was hurt that im unlikeable but i slowly realized they werent my ppl.
Awww okay.. thanks.. i have a lot of great friends, im lucky but i also brought this luck towards me, i have over 1000+ friends, i also used to be the most popular kid in my school, there was even a year, when i was in third grade where i would always be with the 6th graders, like they would ask me to come with them, i was the only one, everyone else in that group were 6th graders and they loved me, it was pretty fun, im usually the type of person that helps people, when i downloaded this app it was not was i was looking for tho... but honestly im already used to helping so much, especially back then when i felt better... I still help people but i just dont feel as good as i did in the past so its harder.... :( But since u helped me i dont mind giving u tips to make good friends if u want to..
@Abolex well i believe i will find good friends one day. even though i dont regularly talk to her, i still have 1 friend who i talk to/ try to talk to, we r friends from 4th grade, we didnt try to be eachothers friend , we just clicked and she is the only person who loves me for who i am .
okay back to u, i hope you get all happiness you deserve , always life your life to the fullest, and remember aging makes u better in every aspect , so try not to be afraid , i know its easier said than done, but no harm in trying and encouraging 💖
Awww okay, thats great, ty that went a lot better then i expected.. :)
Also im sorry if it seems like im bragging, i promise i dont mean to brag, i dont think im better then anyone, we all have our strenghts and weakness... :(
@Abolex another tiny piece of advice, Share your feelings and problems and whatever bothers you, im not sayin tell ''me'' or share with ''me'' . share with who u r comfortable with, if u can share with someone irl its better. dont bottle up, i am on this app cz i dont have anyone irl and i know bottling up will result in me breaking down and self harming , thats why i share it with ppl , there r good listeners some of em r not so good, but i managed to talk with a person who is nice and whenevr smthin bothers me i leave her a msg. maybe u can talk to pixie or any other listener and kinda stick to 1 or 2 person so u r comfortable . i hope letting out helped u relief a bit, take care love!
Im trying to but its rlly hard... :( This was the first time i ever shared something so personal to anyone, i would never have the courage to share it in real life tho because whatever i do, everyone always end up knowing important or personal things i share somehow.. :( I know from past experiences, at least no one knows who i actually am on here so i dont have to worry about it.... Ty for the help take care too
hey @abolex i know u r a bit shy when u r in the group chats and i totally get it , its no big deal
i know u r very protective of your identity as well which is great , i dont have the 7 cups app,
also u might be a famous person but at the end of the day u r a human, and its good thing am not a fan of gaming or anything , so u r not a celeb to me , u r just a friend who needs to share whts going on .
and again its totally upto you , if u feel comfortable , or else we can always talk here 💙