Reconnecting
Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.
❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul @WorkingitThrough2 @Helgafy
Goood morning everyone ❤❤ hope your all doing well? I love you all ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Much love to you! ❤️❤️
@Tinywhisper11
My internet has been down for almost a week but I am back online.
Tiny thanks, I love the GIF. How are you doing my dear?
@WorkingitThrough2 internet connection problems🙁 I hope it's all sorted out now ❤ I'm ok, still in hospital all hooked up to things. But hopefully I'll go home soon. how's the cleaning up from the storm going?
@Tinywhisper11
The storm affected the power and internet services, so I had to take a break from cleaning up. We went out to eat daily because we lost all our food. I have to take one day at a time realizing I am no spring chicken, and that Rome was not built in a day😊.
My prayers are with you for a speedy recovery🙏❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 awww going out for food doesn't sound like a bad thing (except the cost) gives you a break though ❤ hoping it did your husband some good to go out with you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Lola! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sitting here, I don’t even know what to say. It’s just good to see you. A notification from you makes the sun shine a little brighter in our worlds. I am fairly sure I don’t need anyone’s permission to ask if they feel the same. ☺️ It’s good to hear from you. I am a little late I’m sorry. How are you feeling today?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas awww hugs you tightly ❤ thanks sweetie ❤❤ I'm ok, just bored and lonely, I'm in my own room here at the hospital, which is good. But I'm so bored
@Tinywhisper11 I’m sorry for taking so long to reply. I didn’t realize I was away so long, seeing the date now. Time and space have gotten away from me somehow.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas no worries ❤ there's no pressure for you getting back to us straight away ❤ I'm still in hospital🙁 but I've been getting painful tingling in my upper left body, for a while now😁 and this morning I was able to move my fingers to make a fist😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 so all is going well ❤❤ thanks for asking ❤
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Hi, thinking about you, Praying all is well and that whatever had you feeling down is gone. You are worthy of respect and love
@WorkingitThrough2 I’m sorry it took me so long to log back on and see this. It brought tears to my eyes. You are so sweet.
@Tinywhisper11 @PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @Helgafy
I would like to ask if you could keep @WorkingitThrough2 in your thoughts and prayers. Last night her husband had a medical episode and is currently in the ICU.
@mytwistedsoul ohhhh no🙁 thanks for letting us know soul ❤❤
@WorkingitThrough2 sweetie you and your husband are in my prayers, I just said one now for you ❤ I hope your ok🙁 please let us know how you both are. Hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤we all do ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I heard he is doing better. Ask for his pants because he was ready to go home 😊 but the doc still don't know what's causing the problem ❤️
@mytwistedsoul oh that's great news 🙂 I'm glad he's doing ok ❤ let's hope and pray the cause of it is something minor ❤❤
@mytwistedsoul Hi Twist, thanks so much for sending this out.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @WorkingitThrough2
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you sweetie. ❤️
I’m so excited to hear that you have been getting feeling back, and were even able to make a fist! 😮 I’m sorry the feeling is so painful though. One of those pains that means something good. I hope you’re able to go home soon and see your piggies and be more comfortable.
Do you have a roommate in the hospital, or your own room? How is the food?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas last surgery I was in a room with people, it was so annoying one guy snored like a donkey😂😂 but this time because I was hooked up to a bunch of machines at the start I'm in my own room🙁 I love my own space, but I've been stuck here 3 and a half weeks now I kinda really wish the snoring donkey guy was here 😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you so much. This is making me cry, thanks
@WorkingitThrough2 huggggggs you tightly ❤❤ I hope your both ok ❤❤
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul @WorkingitThrough2
How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey????
Just one but you really have to cram him inside😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul @WorkingItThrough2 I know you said not to apologize for being away, but I need to anyway. Sometimes I log on, read something, and feel too ashamed to reply. Sometimes I don’t log on at all for a long time, even though I think of you all here, but I don’t know how to explain, in those moments I think I don’t deserve to have friends. More so I am afraid of being close to you, or doing something stupid. I can’t rely on myself to be a good friend. Sometimes I find out that I’ve done something wrong, but I don’t really understand to correct it. I haven’t been able to get anyone to really tell me what I’m doing wrong, but I just can’t hold relationships, I make people really unhappy. I don’t know if it’s worse to tell you or not tell you that.
I’m not sure why I logged on tonight and am writing now. I wanted to see how you are and all your sweet messages make me cry.
@WorkingItThrough2 How have things been going with your home rebuilding, and the health of you and your husband? Your messages have made me smile, thank you. ❤️
@mytwistedsoul This is a difficult time for you, isn’t it? I may understand some, there’s also much only you know. I hope you’re making it through ok and finding good things in the season for yourself. You are a very special person, and I’m thankful for your friendship.
@Timywhisper11 you are a very beautiful soul and I’m so lucky to have met you here. Thank you for thinking about me and writing to me. How have you been feeling? Have you been getting to do any Christmas activities? Favorite Christmas movies on tv? Favorite Christmas carol? My favorite movies, I like Elf and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. My favorite song is O Holy Night. I haven’t put up Christmas lights in a few years but I did this year. It made me happy. I put up a little Christmas village. I will bake cookies at some point, maybe after the new year. 😅 I hope you’re doing ok.
Thank you all for bearing with, things about me.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hey no worries ❤ I'm very much the same I always take a joke to far or give bad advice and pee people off😂😂 it is a worry, I hate making someone angry at me, cause I never mean any harm ❤ I'm outta hospital got out early this week, decorations are up😁 i!I'm glad you put light on your tree😁 my carer put lights up around the walls for me ❤ it's so pretty😁😁😁😁 don't worry I'm looking after soul😁 he's been getting some very nice Xmas gifts from me😁❤ I heard from workingitthrough2 this morning, and hoping and praying they may have found out what's wrong with her husband ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thankyou Lola. ❤️
I’m so glad to hear you’re out of the hospital, and back with your piggies and Joshua. Great timing before Christmas! It makes me happy to think of your decorated room. Are you still having a lot of pain?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas nope the pain levels have gone down to my normal pain levels😁❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 I’m really glad to hear that. I wish I could make all your pain disappear. I hope you’ll keep us updated if you are having a bad day, or where you’re making improvements. You’re on my thoughts a lot. ❤️
@Tinywhisper11
They still don't know, but they ready to dismiss him. I stopped that❤️.
How are you? I saw the decorations in your room, that is so nice. I read that you had visited your son's place of rest I went to my son's in May. How the years fly by.You are always such a joy to be around❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 🙁 I really hope they find out what's wrong with him🙁 you are going through so much 😥 how old is your son? And yep time really does fly🙂 let's just make the best of the time we have now ❤❤ theese are for you..
@Tinywhisper11 and this is for your dog ❤
@Tinywhisper11
OMG!! He is going to love smacking on that pizza😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you so much😂yummy chocolates😊
@WorkingitThrough2 I'm always here for you ❤
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Thanks for asking about us❤️. My husband is getting better, although they have not found out what was wrong. They wanted to send him home today, but I objected and made them keep him a few more days to ensure he was alright. As far as the rebuilding, I had to laugh because the only thing I am rebuilding is doll houses out of cardboard boxes😂.
I seem to have issues with keeping friends, and now I have no really close friends, so I resonate well with that. I don't understand how or what offends people. My only social life is here at Cups.
I have met a few very good friends that I consider my family. @tinywhisper11@Mytwistwedsoul@iamwhoiamwhoami and a few others that I may spell wrong.😊
I don't feel that you could do anything to run us away so please just be you no worries, no judgments, just friends and we are so glad you are here❤️. That's real talk my dear❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you for such kindness. I could have written those same words about friendships. People here are so nice and authentic, it’s refreshing. I long to have real, honest conversation. I don’t mind raw emotion. I want to know how people are really feeling. But I get the impression that’s too overwhelming for most people out there. Maybe people find themselves here searching for the same thing, and that’s why are so willing to give to others. They know how it feels to want that.
You made a great call having him stay longer, good for you!
You make cardboard doll houses? That sounds amazing.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 
@WorkingitThrough2 You made this?! Wow! It’s so cute! I love the little lights. You’re quite talented. Thank you for sending me a picture. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It's nice to see you! I have to admit, I was getting concerned and wrestled with whether I should check in with you or not. I remembered you said you were having some health issues. 💜 I hope you're feeling better!
@mytwistedsoul It touches my heart that you would be concerned for me. I don’t know what to say. Thank you for counting me one of those you think of. ❤️
Things seem to have improved with my health. I don’t know why. Life circumstances have changed for me recently, so that could be why.
I want to share that part of the reason I felt ashamed to talk much here is, that I have come here and vented about problems in my relationship, but I kept trying to repair things with him. I’ve allowed things to happen that I never thought I would, and people here know some of it, and some have told me it’s clearly bad, but still I managed to talk myself around it. I have been in a cloud of confusion for years. My nervous system has been taxed heavily from fear and verbal things. I deleted a few threads here out of both fear and guilt.
Well, we are officially going through divorce. I know it is the right thing to do, and part of me feels relieved. So much has happened that I’m ashamed of and haven’t even written here. At the same time, I still care for him. I believe I thought I could save him, love him enough for his anger to go away. He had a rough life too, but he took a different way to deal with it. Not that my ways are much better, putting everything on myself in depression. I wanted to heal him, to show him he was worthy and didn’t need so much attention from other people. I thought eventually he could relax and not be so controlling. Nothing ever worked. But every so often we’d have good times, and he’d be so great to us that I couldn’t imagining hoping for anything better. I’d hang onto those. My kids would too. He’s not their dad, but they love him. They are sad about the divorce. Even though he also scared them regularly. I think my oldest is relieved. He’d also do nice things sometimes like build a treehouse or play with them. I thought maybe if I could be better he’d be like that more often. It annoyed him if I had a different opinion or need to talk about anything. I think I’ve already written about some of the things he’s said to me. I know they’re wrong, but even now I wonder.
When I was younger, it didn’t bother me to be alone. But now it’s scaring me. I even have thought to reaching out to my old family, but I know that would be a bad idea. I wouldn’t do it for missing them or wanting to reconnect, but just to not feel alone. This was another reason I stayed with him so long. I was still lonely in the relationship, but I could pretend I wasn’t at times. I’m getting through right now by thinking of my kids and you guys here. I’m probably going to reach out to my old therapist, because I need someone to help me sift through my confusion. I think I’ve been “gaslit” very deeply. I also think I might be in a trauma bond. I logically don’t understand why I still want to be with him, I can’t think of solid reasons. It’s just a feeling.
He is being very nice lately. I think he finally had enough of me too, speaking up more lately. He did things around the house to make it easier for me. It’s not been an ugly process.
I will stop here for now. This is getting long, and my mind is swirling.
I read some of your latest updates, and am with you in spirit right now. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @WorkingitThrough2 any good news about your husband yet?? I'm always thinking about you ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
My Husband is at home and they are setting up nursing care here at the house.❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 that's good that he's at home ❤ and the care he can get ❤ what about you? Are you ok?
@Tinywhisper11
Sis: I am struggling😟, but ok. I need some down time for myself.
@WorkingitThrough2 I wish I was there with you right now to hug you. I can only imagine the stress and heartbreak you've been going through theese past few months🙁 but yes you need a long break and time to just relax. If there's anything I can do to help please let me know ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
That back massage feels pretty good😂😂😂
@WorkingitThrough2 😁❤ anything for you ❤
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Hello :) Thought I would drop by and see how you are.
@mytwistedsoul Hi Twist, that’s so nice of you. Thank you, you warmed my heart today. How have you been? I like your new picture. Have you been enjoying any Christmas activities?
@mytwistedsoul
How are you my brother? How was your holiday? Things are settling a bit here and that is so relieving.
Next month he will have the procedure to put a sensor in his heart to keep him from having a stroke.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas@Helgafy
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @Helgafy Let try this again shall we?
I just wanted to take a moment and wish you both a Merry Christmas! 🎄
@mytwistedsoul Merry Christmas to you too friend!
@helgafy I have been thinking of you too and hoping you are having a joyful holiday. We miss you and hope you’re doing ok.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas merry Christmas everyone ❤❤❤ yaaaaay! Xmas tommorow😁😁😁😁😁
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul this is for you when you wake up later ❤ merry xmas
@Tinywhisper11 Merry Christmas to you too Lola! Thank you for thinking of me. I’m so grateful to call you my friend. I hope you’ve been feeling alright and enjoying lots of holiday festivities. I’m so excited for Christmas too. Santa is on his way!
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas merry Christmas ❤❤ yep! It's almost xmas morning here😁😁😁😁
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I hope you had a wonderful holiday.