Reconnecting
Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.
❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas how has your day been?? You said your kids are older now. You mean like teenagers, or adults already ?my son turned 13 this year😁 I can't believe he's already a teen🙂
Hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @WorkingitThrough2 @mytwistedsoul @Helgafy
I know your all struggling right now🙁 bless you all ❤ so I cooked you some nice meat to cheer you all up😁
@Tinywhisper11 yep! I cooked you all done deer balls😁 cause it's cheap meat, their under a buck!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love you all ❤
@Tinywhisper11 all some* deer balls 😁
Stupid finger can't spell
@Tinywhisper11 I like deer meat although I may pass on your under a buck deer balls :P Sounds too close to rocky mountain oysters. Gosh though, so pretty!
@Tinywhisper11 Much love to you Tiny ❤️ Thank you for the laugh ❤️
@mytwistedsoul hugs you tightly ❤ hope your getting through this weekend ok, I've been thinking about you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you. It was different and not something I've ever done before.
Hugs you gently ❤️ How are you? I saw somewhere that you're still having a lot of pain? I hope it eases for you soon. ❤️
@mytwistedsoul hugs soul ❤❤ yeah I bet that was a very emotional day for you🙁 but you did it, so well done ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 Hugs you back ❤️ Thank you ❤️
@Tinywhisper11
I never had Deer balls before but I sure like deer hash😂😂thanks
@WorkingitThrough2 😂😂😂😂😂😂 your welcome ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you
I apologize to my friends here. I saw your notifications and I think I may have read some, but I haven’t been able to reply yet. I’m not ignoring you, I’m sorry. I was doing fairly well lately, but I’m not ok right now. I’m trying to stay calm and distract myself. I don’t know if I can say that anything that happened was anyone else’s fault, but things in my life are very confusing. I think maybe I’m supposed to be alone. I know to have love you also need to be vulnerable, but maybe I’ve been too much so. I don’t want to be vulnerable anymore. I don’t think I even desire love anymore. I just don’t want hurt so much so often anymore. I get hurt too easily, and I don’t know how to have a thicker skin. I’ve tried, but then I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know if it’s part of my personality, or if I’m supposed to make myself be different. I should be able to toughen up without becoming cold, but I think I just hold things in instead of really being stronger. It shouldn’t be this complicated, I’m too old for this. I should have had things figured out by now. I’m trying really hard not to let depression sneak back in, I can feel it. I’ve made such a mess of things. I don’t know what is best to do. I never thought my life would look like this.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 😥 I'm sorry sweetie🙁 but you definitely don't need to change who you are ❤ but possibly changing the circumstances which you live in, might be the right way to go ❤ I don't know anything about relationships or love between two people, so I'm not really sure what to say to comfort you best, sorry. There's no pressure for you to write here, so feel free to do so when you want too ❤ just know you have friends who love you here ❤ I'm here for you, I may not know what to say, but I can listen and try to help you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Friend.
Always remember we are diamonds in Gods eyes. We're so precious. And as Christians we also have Jesus Christ living inside of us. We're never alone. He's as close to us as the blood in our veins, as close as the air we breath in. From Helga.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul hey honey, I've been thinking about you, and worried about you. How are you doing??
@TinyWhisper11 Hi Lola,
I was starting to write everyone back last night, but had to sign off quickly again before I finished. It’s the middle of the night here now, so hopefully this won’t be all over the place. ☺️
Yes I have teenagers too. ❤️ Wow Joshua is 13! I wish I could sit with you and him.
Thank you for writing me back after my message the other day. I feel a little embarrassed. Things are a little calmer now. I can’t say I’ve made any significant changes, but I have put some more boundaries down. We have had separate finances now, because all my savings is gone. I won’t be hosting any more social gatherings, because he’s not very nice to me when we have to impress other people. I won’t travel with him under certain circumstances anymore. That’s a long story I haven’t talked about, but I’ve had some scares in the car that I can’t tolerate anymore. I don’t leave the kids alone with him anymore. He didn’t used to let me put boundaries, but now he’s starting to. I think maybe he really does love me in his way, but has a problem with control and anger that he doesn’t always see. The kids love him, and that makes it complicated for me. I love him and can see past the parts that make life difficult. I see the part of him when he was younger and needed someone to care for him. It seems like life should be able to be so easy. But at the same time I think I am annoying to deal with. Well, I feel a little better when I have rules for myself. I don’t need to try to talk to him and bother him with my feelings if I just have certain rules. I wonder if he might leave me, because I thought I would be a better wife.
I wish I hadn’t written the other night and made such a fuss. I deserve my depression, so that one day I will stop making mistakes. I want to write and connect with you all, and at the same time I’m afraid I am a bad influence.
The last time we spoke you were feeling frustrated with yourself because of your most recent limitations. I hope you are being understanding to yourself. I hope you know when people here compliment you, how wonderful a person you are. It means so much to get a message from you that you would think of me and write to see how I’m doing, in the midst of everything you have going on. I hope you are getting lots of rest and enjoying some fun Halloween things. What is your favorite thing about Halloween?
Oh by the way, I finally decorated. The kids helped. It was a nice time. 🙂
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas your definitely not a bad influence or bad wife. Anger is my worst fear, and out together with control🙁 your a very strong person to put up with him. I'm glad you got rules and boundries, you have to feel safe in your own home. If it wasn't for the kids, do you think you would still have chosen to stay with him??
this is a safe place where we can talk, vent, help each other out ❤ so don't apologise for anything you write here, it's good to get it of your chest🙂 yaaay! I'm glad you and the kids decorated ❤ my favourite thing about halloween is doing art and crafts 😁 I'm not so frustrated with myself anymore😁 I'm learning to work with what I can do ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I been learning origami today, I made a heart and a butterfly😁❤ have a great day ❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤
@mytwistedsoul
Oh man, I’m sorry I misunderstood about the other people involved. Sometimes it digs at me when people make those kinds of assumptions. I know what’s it’s like not having support around you too. It makes whatever you’re dealing with a million times worse. That’s why we’re here right? I didn’t know what to expect this experience to be like, and I’m really appreciative of how nice you’ve been. I hope I can repay the favor.
I get the awkward feeling. Grieving, I don’t know if it’s something that ever completely goes away. And you’re still going through parts of the process. You only just got to spread the ashes. I don’t see how anyone could expect you to have moved forward with things still open like that. I say however you’re feeling is yours to be entitled to. I think feelings need to be processed naturally for each person, not forced, or there will be some kind of leftovers.
I hope you had or will have safe travel back home.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas That's alright, there's nothing to be sorry about. It's probably fairly natural to think or assume that it would be a "family" type gathering. I'm sorry to hear that you know what it's like not having any support. You are right, it does make everything much worse.
@mytwistedsoul ❤️
So you’re involved with estate things as well. Please forgive me if I’m making you repeat things you’ve had to say many times already and probably don’t want to answer anymore. What you say about not having had time to grieve when it first happened makes so much sense. You’re mission oriented at that point, doing what needs to be done. There’s a lot to learn, the law doesn’t make it easier either. A different part of the brain takes over to be functional, so emotion processing gets set to the side for later. So of course you’re “still” processing. I was trying to think of another way to put that, because it pains me writing it even in quotations. I’m trying to say that whoever is giving you this information that you should be this or that, I think you should give them the old raspberry. I hope whatever they’re saying to you is at least meant with good intentions, like one of those things where they want to help but don’t know what to say so they stick their foot in their mouth. If you feel like they’re being impatient or annoyed with you, maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I’m feeling defensive for you. I think you should imagine yourself in a bubble where their comments deflect off you with a ping sound. I know, we value other opinions even when they’re harmful. They are thinking of themselves then, not you. I try to think that people must be trying to help in their own misguided way. There are so many reasons why this is too complicated to put judgements on. It makes me mad that anyone is adding to your stress. You are doing a great thing handling estate matters. This was a closer relationship with a complicated past and present. Bless you. I want to kick some people in the shins. I wonder if this message will get hidden now!
I am doing ok, thank you. I was emotional yesterday. I don’t remember about what now. Today I’ve been fluctuating between losing my **** and pieces freezes. 😂 I’ve settled into a state where I think I’m hilarious.
I like having deeper conversations. I won’t be offended if you don’t want to talk about these things though. If it helps you in some way, then that makes me happy. If it adds to your stress to have to explain it all, I understand that’s draining. Whatever I ask isn’t for me but just to help you if needed.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas This is the only space other than my own that I have talked about any of this in detail, so it's nice to get some feedback. Most people only say it will get better. No one ever actually asks any questions, thank you for that. I have been very mission oriented, there's deadlines. Even in death, there are deadlines. The government, the tax collectors, the courts and bills do not care if you are grieving. Just submitting the will was a nightmare. They want their paperwork and their money. The fact that most of the information was in another's hands was of no mind to them and I was at the mercy of this other person to give me everything that was needed. There was so much time spent just on travel and often things needed to be located, she should have had it together before I got there. I usually gave a weeks notice beforehand.
@mytwistedsoul I noticed you said she’s caused some of the doubt with judgments about your grieving, and you give her the benefit of the doubt with her behavior because you understand she is grieving. I think that explains everything right there. You’re a very nice person.
A few times talking with therapists, I’ve wondered if I would actually like them if I knew them in real life. I think that’s all I want to say about that.
Though when I think about it further, other professionals I don’t think I like much in real life either. I think that’s all I should say about that too. 🙂
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I think some people are in their profession for the wrong reasons and some just simply don't know how to do their job.
I have a feeling I might be missing some messages with this new format of hidden replies. I’ve gone through a couple times and expanded them, but I don’t think I’ll keep doing that because I keep accidentally hitting this flag feature, and I’m afraid I’m going to at some point.
So I just wanted everyone here to know that I’m not meaning to ignore anyone, and I’m sorry if I accidentally do. Please ping me again if you see me replying around to others and not you. You’re all in my mind often.
And if anybody’s mean to you today, scrunch up your face and stick your tongue out at them. 😄
@Helgafy A Bible verse for you friend. I jotted this down in my journal some time ago when a pastor mentioned the armor of God to battle my depression. In particular, His helmet protecting my mind. I just happened upon it again and thought of you.
”Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
Ephesians 6:14-17
I pray for your mind to rest in Him tonight.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Thank you so much Was. And guess what - each day this is the verse I quote for myself. Is it not awesome that through Christ we're righthouse before God (the breastplate).
@Helgafy Wow that is truly awesome affirmation ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
And guess what sister in Christ - sometimes (mostly when I feel weak) - I walk to stay in the inside of the Lion of Judah, Jesus Christ. No harm (from my sickness and weakness) can reach me there. Thank you for letting me write a little bit to you. Must this be a day where we can feel the mighty wings of God with love and protection for us.
@Helgafy I hope you will feel welcome to write any time you need, whether you’re feeling weak or strong. I like reading your thoughts and am always wondering how you’re doing. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Hi Pieces. A fine Bibleverse today.
Psalm 91.4: "He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul @WorkingitThrough2 @Helgafy
Guess what!?!??? I just got checked out by a cute guy😁 yep! The total was £5.50 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
I love you all have a great day ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Dearest Tiny. What are you talking about?
@Helgafy 😂😂😂😂 I was just making a joke about supermarket staff 😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 He must have changed the price tag because you're priceless in my book! ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul awwww ❤
@Tinywhisper11
See people can see your beauty even if you find it hard. You are worthy of even more good things to come your way. Keep being you💕
@WorkingitThrough2 awwww ❤ thanks