Reconnecting

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas schroddingerscat?? 

How are you?

@Tinywhisper11 I’m ok. How are you friend? I should probably try to check other threads before asking. I’m so behind. I really hope you’re ok.

@Tinywhisper11 Sorry I’m not sure who schrodingerscat is.

@Tinywhisper11 Oh you’re thinking I’m someone else maybe. I’m sorry, I haven’t been on the site in a couple weeks or months. This was a silly idea, I’m sorry. 

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas no no no I have been dreading a message from her, I'm sorry. I know who you are ❤❤ and I'm glad you remembered my name ❤❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤

@Tinywhisper11 Oh no, I’m sorry you had a bad experience with someone here. I would feel nervous too and about getting a random message from them. There are some names here that are similar to each other and I get them mixed up too. ❤️

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas thanks for understanding ❤❤🙂

I’m sorry I misspelled your name @helgafy

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas oh wait I'm so sorry, she redone her account with a name similar to yours. 

where have you been hiding??? Where's my icecream??

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas did you have a bad patch?? Is that why you left us? I hope you were gone, cause of a nice reason though ❤

@Tinywhisper11 You’re sweet to ask. ❤️ Yeah, I’d describe it as a rough patch. Mostly depression and numbness. I’m ok though. 

The last time we talked you were having a lot of pain. How are you feeling lately? Is there anything special going on at the care home to celebrate Fall? I forget how many Guinea pigs you have. Have you been doing any new art projects?

@Tinywhisper11 also here’s a hug back and the ice cream I owed you. 🤗 🍦 😁

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas yaaay thanks for the hug and icecream😋 I'm doing ok ❤ I have 3 little piggies 😁 they make me so happy ❤❤ all the old folks here go home with their families around Halloween, their grandkids are of school for a week so it's just me left here, going around their rooms stealing 😏 only joking I would never do that😂😂😂

I'm sorry to hear about your rough patch🙁 maybe now we have little thread set up for us all, we can help you get through if you ever start going downhill again ❤ I'm always here for you my friend ❤ you can share anything here ❤

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It's nice to see you again. I remember we spoke about a listener problem you were having. I think the thread was removed shortly afterward. I had hoped I didn't say anything to offend or upset you. 

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough patch. Numbness and depression can be heavy to deal with alone. So I don't think this was a silly idea at all. 

@mytwistedsoul soul you are the sweetest person here ❤ I don't think you could ever offend anyone ❤

@Tinywhisper11 I think you're the sweetest! I can actually be rather offensive when need be. Thank you though. ❤️

@mytwistedsoul Hi friend. That’s so nice that you remembered the issue we last talked about. That was the thread I remembered you from. I’m sorry I made you worry. You did nothing wrong at all and were nothing but kind to me. I started to worry if that listener would see my complaint and that I might cause trouble. I contacted the help desk and asked them to delete the thread. I actually asked them to delete a couple threads. I sometimes am nervous about people from my life running across things I’ve written and it causing problems. I’m trying not to be so anxious about this in the future, but I still want to be careful about not saying too much. That’s part of why I am away for periods sometimes. I feel guilty for complaining, or I don’t know how to talk about it the way I need to while still being anonymous.

Because I have deleted threads or can’t find them, it’s prevented me from talking more with people who were nice to me. That was my motivation to create this thread. I’ve never met people who had such a nice way of being. So I wanted to ask how are you?

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I can understand that you wouldn't want to cause trouble or risk that listener coming across what was said. It's also understandable that you would want to be careful with what you share, in the event that someone you know would come across them. We all have moments that we need to vent or complain about, that's one of the side effects of being human. I do hope that your anxieties subside and you eventually feel more comfortable with things you need or want to talk about. That hopefully, this can become an oasis or safe haven for you. 

@mytwistedsoul I’m sorry you deal with the depression and numbness too. Maybe it’s similar for you, but I don’t always know which one I’m in until a while after. It seems to be a repeating cycle. I feel sad for a while like I’m trying to figure out why I’m so horrible, then it settles into a numbness of I don’t care and I’m just trying to avoid whatever? Then there’s some anxiousness in there too somewhere. I think I might have a day where I think I’m ok, then something surprises me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say all that and project my stuff. I hope it lessens for you. You are a good soul.

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It is similar and it does seem to be a cycle. There is also that occasional "good" day where it doesn't feel as heavy, but it never seems to last. 

@mytwistedsoul Thank you. ❤️

Some of it has been as far back as I can remember. I had a lot of anxiety and fear as a kid. I didn’t know then, but now I see that I had depression as well, like a confused sadness about why things were happening. The anxiety went down in my adult years somewhat, but it is the worst it’s ever been now. The depression is different now, I’m not sure how to explain. I think I like myself, except when I think about how other people see me. I’m older and can’t see my way out of some of the problems I’m having now. It’s hard to explain the reasons I think that. What’s been happening for a while now is this ongoing buildup of fear and hopelessness, where I get overwhelmed like you mentioned and I shut down. Or I have these times where I change and think all my problems are just me, and I get confused and overwhelmed and shut down because of that. This numbness is recent. I used to enjoy thinking and talking things out to make things better, but now I avoid as much as possible. 

How about you? Have you dealt with it a long time?

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You are very welcome. :) 

@mytwistedsoul gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I'm always here for you ❤❤ 

And my humour is never wicked or childish... This message was wrote to you from inside tinys pillow fort😁

@Tinywhisper11 gives you gentle hugs ❤️ Thank you! You are a bright light in the darkness. Always so kind and gentle. Your sense of humor is a wonderful blessing. ❤️ Much love to you  Tiny! 

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas helgafy has tagged you in a couple of posts ❤ I'm not sure if you've seen. But this was definetly not a mistake to make this thread the fab four are back together ❤❤ yep that's what we are called now, the fab four

@Tinywhisper11 Thanks Tiny. ❤️ I logged on and saw them yesterday but then lost a chance to respond. I have an unpredictable living situation and sometimes have to log off here quickly. I was actually just trying to look for those threads again when you wrote just now, but I’m not very good at finding threads. I wish the notifications wouldn’t disappear once I click on them. 

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas of course you matter ❤ and yep! I'm always in and out of this site to. So I understand a unpredictable life ❤ I think ❤ 

Oh by the way.... Pinch, punch first of the month 😁 I win 😁

gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤

Hi dearest woman.

I found you again. I'll read a bit of what is written here later. Here is a fine

Bibleverse for us, Jesus Christ preaching: John 14:27 Peace I

leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give

to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts

be troubled and do not be afraid.

@Helgafy Amen ❤❤

@Helgafy Thank you for this. This is one of my favorite verses. It gives me some peace to try to take my focus off what’s happening in my life. I have to keep reminding myself to stop looking for comfort from the world. But it gets confusing too. God wants us to love one another, so I think He must want me to feel loved at some point. Maybe we are supposed to have a loving detachment? The challenge for me is understanding what that looks like in everyday life.

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

@Helgafy I should use a different word. You are right, I do feel love from my kids. I think what I had searched for is comfort or nurturing from others. Like a parent or friend to talk to, support me, give me loving advice. I get very confused about what’s right and wrong that happens to me. I wish for someone to clear it all up for me so I can stop being tormented constantly by my own thoughts. I read my Bible, and sometimes it helps my confusion, but other times I feel more confused on what I’m supposed to do to help myself.

How have you been feeling lately? How is your health?

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

Hi - thank you for writing.  What about seeing a therapist and talk over with him/her about your feelings/thoughts? Maybe a fine listener at 7Cups also can help.

About me: I'm not depressed these days. What's important to me is to watch the news. I also recently found YouTube at my TV. Very nice for me - music, politics about the presidentselection in USA and wonderful prayers read while different landscape is showing behind. "God helps" they're called.

@Helgafy It makes me so happy to hear that the depression isn’t bothering you lately. ❤️ You’re a wonderful person to be here supporting others and spreading the Good News. I’m glad you’ve been finding these nice activities for yourself.

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

Hi friend.

I looked a bit more into what you wrote - about being comforted. I don't know if this Bibleverse is good for you - maybe you can lean on some of the words:

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem (Piecesof..), and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the LORD’s hand double for all her sins. (Please Piece - I don't say you're a BIG sinner). A voice of one calling: “In the wilderness prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

@Helgafy Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ It means so much that you would spend time looking this up for me. It really does help.

Most of the time I feel comforted knowing Jesus’s words of forgiveness. I feel very sorrowful for my mistakes and have asked Him to forgive me, and I believe He already has. Every once in a while I worry that I have forgotten something or that I’m ignorant of some things I do. So I try to ask forgiveness for my oversights also. So whenever I have that fear I remember His promises. 

Even with God’s forgiveness, there are still real ramifications on Earth that I get upset thinking about. This makes it a challenge for me to forgive myself, even knowing God does. But if I think of other people having similar thoughts as me, I feel sad and want them to feel better. I try to think the same for myself. I want to learn from these things but not be stuck in a prison of my mind the rest of my life.

Thank you for being a spiritual friend for me, Helga. 

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas love is indeed a strange thing. The love our parents were supposed to install in us, is how we grow with love. But when that doesn't happen. Just gotta learn the hard way I guess. Did you have a decent childhood? I think the best we can do is follow our hearts, but take your brain along with you ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤

@Tinywhisper11 hugging you back ❤️

My childhood I was mostly scared all the time. I can remember playing and being a kid in that way, but it was always hiding, so I wouldn’t be seen or heard. My parents, I don’t really know what was going on with them. Just a lot of abuse and destruction. I think people outside knew, but it was all a big secret. I’ve always been looking for what I needed from them. I know it’s not going to happen, but I still want that kind of love. I feel bad that I can’t ever get to a place where God’s love and loving myself is enough for me. I’ve put myself in a lot of bad situations thinking I was accepted by people. My childhood set me up badly, but my current suffering is my own fault. If I know something doesn’t feel right but make excuses to go along with it anyway. I try to be understanding of everyone, so I ignore warning signs. I say that, but then I think maybe I’m not entirely sure if there is anything bad at all, and it’s just my thinking that’s wrong.

How has your pain been today?

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas my pain levels are only a little bit higher than normal. Still no feeling in my upper left body. But I'll be ok ❤

I think it all stems from your childhood, having a bad childhood really messes your brain up. It's not something you can forget, and it definetly can influence our adult choices. Searching for love and acceptance from your family, is only natural. Me I've found the only love I need, is the people on here, my friends and chosen family ❤ moving on from the past isn't easy 🙁 bless you. But remember you are in control of your life now, so find the connections/relationships that matter and are not toxic and perhaps try to hold on to those people. I know that's easier said than done, when we suffer from mental health

gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I'm here for you, we all are ❤❤