I'm proud of myself because...

That's really good .. You should consider that as taking a step over the bridge. I have this huge mountain standing in front of me everyday (hypothetically) and I'm such a coward to even climb up the first rock. I know things hold everyone back. I'd never do self-harm, but I have severe anxiety and my trust level is so low so I keep quiet. One day I may just crack .. But I never want that to happen. I see you have an interest that you've worked hard for and please believe that you will accomplish it! Do not be like me .. staring up at a mountian every morning and debating will I take the first step? Or just be a coward and walk away?

TransAm,

Thank you so much. I know how hard it is to trust people with anxiety, how hard it is to keep it together. :) Sometimes that's a huge accomplishment in and of itself. I don't think you're a coward. You keep going, and like I realized, that can be something worthy of being proud of.

Thank you very much. I hope someday I'll conquer my problems, but I'm happy for you. It's hard living in a world where close friends/family members ask for favors, yet when you need help, they act like it's a difficulty. Even my husband, I love him, but I feel as though he will only do things if they benefit him in some way. Yet I devote my life to him. That's why I refuse to have kids. Bringing a child in this marraigeis just not right at this point. He's controlling and keeps me away from my family. I figure, you have to love all of yourself before you can even love anyone else. I'm very insecure. Well, thank you for your words and I know you will do great in whatever you choose to do! :)