I'm proud of myself because...
I didn't do anything grand or glorious. Nothing that I thought was worthy of being proud of myself. But then I looked back on my week.
This was one of the toughest weeks of my life. I had huge bouts of depression, coupled with anxiety. My eating disorder and self harm were out of control...I lived off of saltine crackers and ginger ale, and I have an inch-wide bald spot on the right side of my head from pulling out my own hair.
But I made it. I survived. Despite the horrific gutter that my head was this week, I went to work, and worked hard. I participated in social activities. I got out of bed every morning to do so.
So maybe that's an accomplishment to be proud of.
It also helped me realize that it's time to move on from my current career. I'm turning in my notice today so that I can pursue my true passion, emotional therapy through piano education, and general piano education.
That's really good .. You should consider that as taking a step over the bridge. I have this huge mountain standing in front of me everyday (hypothetically) and I'm such a coward to even climb up the first rock. I know things hold everyone back. I'd never do self-harm, but I have severe anxiety and my trust level is so low so I keep quiet. One day I may just crack .. But I never want that to happen. I see you have an interest that you've worked hard for and please believe that you will accomplish it! Do not be like me .. staring up at a mountian every morning and debating will I take the first step? Or just be a coward and walk away?
TransAm,
Thank you so much. I know how hard it is to trust people with anxiety, how hard it is to keep it together. :) Sometimes that's a huge accomplishment in and of itself. I don't think you're a coward. You keep going, and like I realized, that can be something worthy of being proud of.
Thank you very much. I hope someday I'll conquer my problems, but I'm happy for you. It's hard living in a world where close friends/family members ask for favors, yet when you need help, they act like it's a difficulty. Even my husband, I love him, but I feel as though he will only do things if they benefit him in some way. Yet I devote my life to him. That's why I refuse to have kids. Bringing a child in this marraigeis just not right at this point. He's controlling and keeps me away from my family. I figure, you have to love all of yourself before you can even love anyone else. I'm very insecure. Well, thank you for your words and I know you will do great in whatever you choose to do! :)
