Daily Chit Chat with a Friend
Just a nice Chit Chat with a friend is all that is needed.
So... How was your day today?
@IsayUncle @Psalm139
I found some solutions or explanations to our missing "Reply Button" problem. Follow these threads.
I asked @theriverissinging for help and these are the good replies I got.
Forum
functionality post. (see page2)
https://www.7cups.com/forum/SiteUpdates_100/Feedback_37/ForumFunctionalityProvideFeedbackHere_274852/?post=3043141
This explains the Changes River was talking about:
Site
Update - Forum Changes (see item 3)
https://www.7cups.com/forum/7CupsLeadership_188/SubcommunitiesInformation_2314/SiteUpdateForumChanges_273465/
I think This will make it easier to navigate and understand
@IsayUncle
Ok so the reply buttons disappear after 5 replies. Hmmm. Your post today had a reply button. Maybe because you clicked post to thread? Do you want to just do that in the mornings? Or what do you think?
Good morning by the way. I'm feeling better today I think. A little anxious but ok. Do you have plans for the day?💙
@Psalm139
I think that the right way of posting sth is by clicking Post to thread unless you want to answer or comment on a specific post when you should click the Reply button of this specific post.
It's logical for the Reply button to disappear after 5 replies because each reply moves a little to the right, so imagine plenty of posts having moved to the right of the screen; it would make it hard to read.
:)
@Psalm139
Hi "M" Glad you are feeling a bit Better. That's good. About the reply thing, I'd like to try to count the 5 replys and see if that works. Are you in for the win?
@Psalm139
My sister is still here... So just kind of shut down mostly. Not good at all with other people. Was hoping she would leave early. But the visit was enlightening, not bad at all, had some good moments but you know... ugggh time to move on.
@Psalm139
Hey M, There's a post on page 2 that I think you missed. (It' about the FP thing mostly) but it starts with this "Good Morning "M". My sister is still here. You know, I finished my CDL and started Schoolbussing ..." About 5 hours ago.
I'm a little anxious because I don't know if I'd hurt your feelings, not understandind the FP stuff too much. (let me know if you've read it if thats OK)
@IsayUncle I hadn't seen it but I found it and read it. We can talk about FPs if you want. It isn't a medical condition in itself. It's just a relationship problem that people with BPD have. It isn't in the DSM or anything. But it's something I've struggled with a lot. The worst experience I had was with my caseworker at the shelter. I was extremely attached to her.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your sister being there. It's hard to believe that your family hates you. You seem so sweet and kind. I understand how a visit from her would throw you off and make it hard to get things done.
I will check back to see if you are posting today. I understand if you are too busy. Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me to wake up to find messages from you every day. It makes me feel less alone. 💙
@Psalm139
She's gone and I'm pooped. I'm ashamed to admit the level of a**hole I was but 7-cups is helping me figure it out.
So... how are you feeling today?
@IsayUncle At least she is gone now and you can relax a little bit. It sounds like it was pretty stressful for you to have her there. I'm sorry 😞.
I don't feel like my family hates me but I don't feel like I belong either. And I've never felt supported by them. My aunts and uncles all have their own kids and grandkids and then there's my sister and I. They like our posts on f b and might send an occasional message but that's about it.
I just did a bunch of dishes and cleaned in the kitchen for about an hour and it's starting to feel more normal which is nice. The cabinets look pretty.
What are your plans for the afternoon? You sound like you're feeling down.
💙
@IsayUncle
Yea, thanks for checking in on me. no plans. Sorry, don't feel like talking much. I'll be like this for a few days. I know me.... I'm blessed, I'll know it'll pass. I'm tired now and just need to find some rhythm. losing 2 weekends really messed me up and had a bad week with the kids. I'll be scarce for a few days so you stay strong ok?
@IsayUncle @Psalm139
I just went to last reply and then added your tag... will that work for a while? (Just testing the idea)
@IsayUncle Ok. I'll talk to you later then.
@Psalm139
Good morning, Whew, we both had a tough weekend! And so it goes.
@IsayUncle Yeah I'm sorry. I never should have told you all that I did. It was too much to put on you. I didn't know you were having a hard time too at the time but still. I'm sorry. You can take a break or whatever you need. I understand. It's probably not good since you have enough to deal with on your own without dealing with me.
@IsayUncle
Awww, that sounds like your insecurity screaming out. We both had a pretty tough week and plus me plus the weekend. How did your weekend go and how is today. My recovery today was better than expected. 😊
@IsayUncle
M' you Ok? We had a doozie of a week huh? Have you been able to regroup? BTW, there's no need to apologize when we are not able to chat, I think that is just part of your insecurities.... nothing to worry about with our conversations. Sometimes we can talk a lot and sometimes we can't. Nothing to feel guilty or insecure about, it's ok.
@IsayUncle I'm ok. Sorry. I just thought you said you wouldn't be up for talking for a few days and I don't want you to feel forced.
I'm a little sad because my husband's grandma is pretty close to dying and I was closer to her than my own grandmas over the past twenty years. She's just a really sweet lady and I love her. We haven't seen her in a long time, first because of covid and then because we moved away. We did a video chat a few months ago. I feel like I don't have the right to cry because she isn't my grandma really but I'm just so sad.
Anyway.
I am sorry for not saying a lot today. I just thought you didn't want to talk or didn't feel up to it and I worry my own issues will make it worse for you if you're already struggling yourself and I don't want to be a burden to you. And the other day when I was so upset I think I said too much and I'm sorry if I made things harder for you in any way. I don't mean to.
@IsayUncle @Psalm139
Yea, I know I gave that impression because I thought I was going to crash and burn. That would have been a good time to give me support even if I did not respond. At that moment it was not about you or you feeling bad or insecure. It was about me. That’s what I meant when I said your insecurities were showing. (Said with much caring and concern, not one ounce of judgement) Please do not to be offended. I’m a big ole burly old man, kind of hard to force me into anything. Remember that; and just post your feelings as needed and I will always reply as I’m able to. Your apologies are a mechanism I think, very sincere but not necessary with a trusted friend.
And by the way, I did not crash and burn like I thought I would. That’s the great news!
I’m sorry to hear about your grandma, and yes, she is worthy of your love and caring and tears. It’s about her, give her your tears so she can have them to hold and cherish in the afterlife. I can only imagine she loves you very much too.
So, are we going to get back on that horse of forward movement and wind in our hair OR are you just feeling too sad at the moment. I could understand if you are. My first marriage had a grandma I loved more than they did. She died in a home at the age of 105. I was out of state and couldn’t make it to the funeral plus the ex-in-laws didn’t want to see me anyway. I moved out of state but managed to go back and visit her in the home a few times. Boy oh boy, she was a lovely and interesting old lady.
I started a new goal thread but you and I can
just comment here if you want. It’s easier, (I think.???) I don't know. 💚💚💚
Are you a night Owl?@IsayUncle
Thank you for your message and reassurance. It's good to know that you would want me to continue to post messages if you aren't doing well. I guess I just don't know you well enough yet and I really wasn't sure if you were just trying to get me to leave you alone or if you were just in the depressive cycle. I really don't want to bother you.
It's complicated though of course because I do have a lot of insecurities and issues of my own. And my own ups and downs that are a lot of times triggered by something or someone (especially the downward turns). I don't know if you are like that or what your triggers are. It's good to know that I can't make you feel forced to do anything. I don't want to make you feel that way.
I'll check out your goal thread to see what you are working on. It sounds like we are going to visit my husband's grandma tomorrow. That will be hard. So today I just want to get some normal house stuff done.
I am feeling ok, still a little sad, and tired. But ok. I'm really happy to know that you didn't go down like you thought you would. I know the feeling. I usually count the days and think I have to have a good day soon if it's been a few days of feeling really bad. I also think that when I've had too many good days in a row. I know it can't last.
Anyway I hope your day is going well. I'll talk to you later💙
@Psalm139
What a wonderful post, Thank you. Feeling back to normal.
I'm glad you are going to see your Grandma, I know it'll be hard but it always is (((HUGS))) don't feel bad about crying even if you have to find your own quiet space to do it as not to disturb others....... but bawl your eyes out if you have to.💚
I'm glad you're feeling OK and hope the rest of your day goes smoothly.
other post... you like my list huh? Today I got started with the kids information. (You wouldn't believe how little the system has on these kids) With all the brokens homes, poor families living with relatives and moving around a lot, foster kids and etc.
PLUS Got my dogs vet appointments made for Friday. My poor pups been neglected long enough.
@IsayUncle I'm happy you're feeling back to normal. Is normal a little manic for you? For me it is. I don't mind it. The only bad thing is sometimes I buy things I maybe shouldn't. Lol. Oh well. I usually get a lot done.
Your list is crazy. But I think you picked good things to start with - your dogs and the kids on your bus. Maybe you could sort them by the time of day you could do them and then prioritize each group?
And I wonder if you thought about paying the kids on your bus to clean up your yard if there are enough that are interested? Otherwise there are usually people on local f b groups looking for those types of jobs. Or maybe you already have that figured out 💙
I'll keep checking back. Nothing going on today here. My husband said we are going tomorrow for sure to see his grandma and his dad and aunt will be there too. For now I'm trying to get motivated to just do the basics.
@IsayUncle
I hope your day is going well. I got the basics done so I'm happy with that. I need to give the little boys a bath tonight and make dinner and clean up and then fold laundry. Not too much since it's only a little after 3.
I'm feeling a little better. Hoping to be mentally doing well tomorrow. It's over three hours there and back and of course seeing her will be hard and just seeing his family gives me anxiety too. I just worry how I will be feeling. Obviously I try to act normal no matter how I feel and if I'm sad at least it would be a normal time to cry. And then I worry how the kids will handle it all. Aaaah one day, hour, minute at a time I guess.
I will have time to pop in tomorrow and see how you are. I think it's nice having someone to check in with. I'm thankful to have met you. You say you are such a bad person but I don't see that at all. I think you've just been through a lot and things haven't been easy and mental health issues just add another layer of challenge for people like us. But I think you're awesome. And not just talking to me. I read your responses to others sometimes too and I can see how sweet and kind you are and you always seem to have a lot of wisdom and encouragement to share. So anyway, thank you for being here💙💙💙
@Psalm139
Thank you for the compliments. And I'm glad we're helping each other out. You are very insightful and kind too. Thank You!. I used to be very overbearing but I always thought in a good way because I tried to solve problems but smetimes people just have to vent and figure it out for themselves. 7cups has taught me that. I can solve any mechanical problem but people and social problems..... I really had to dig deep to figure those out just a little bit. I'm doing better I think.
Again, I'm sorry about your grandma but to lighten the mood a bit; just think about one of those tv shows, like meet the benjamens or national lampoons family vacation (Just kidding). I know it's serious and hard but try not to worry too much. 😢. You told me that kids are pretty resilient so I'm sure they'll be fine. 💜 I hope you have a good day of driving and in good spirits upon arriving.
PS about my bus kids working, I'm working that angle just got to get lined out with the parents.😐
@IsayUncle I don't know, I think overbearing to some could be different things. I think it's just a way people care sometimes, and try to protect the people they love. I guess it just depends on personality and how the relationship is whether that would be good or bad. Some adults and even kids really hate that. But I think some people would appreciate it. I can relate to wanting to solve problems. My husband is just a wait and see person but I want to plan everything out and have a back up plan (or two) in case it doesn't work out! My husband hates it but it makes me feel a little more secure (or less insecure probably). He thinks I'm trying to take over control and that's his job as the head of the house and I get that. But if he isn't paying attention to things, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I think it's great that you are trying to hire your bus kids. That should be a win-win for all of you. I hope it works out 💙
@IsayUncle You feel like the whole world shuns you? But you had "call a friend" on your list and the kid on your bus asked you to his football game. And your sister can't possibly hate you if she wanted to spend that time with you. It seems like some people like you.
@Psalm139
Not "The" Whole World, "A" Whole world and that being the world of my past. A whole world has shunned me, not the whole world. They all haven't met me yet! 😜
@IsayUncle Ok. I guess that makes sense. I just can't see it now. But maybe that's just proof of how far you've come💙
@Psalm139
No worries, i couldn't see it for about 60 years either but once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. Like they say, sometimes you have to go through it to grow through it. I'll share the whole story how everything developed and what seemed to be was not and how the unseen was the most destructive. A very interesting development from childhood to adulthood (I would say manhood but I think it applies to woman too) 60 years of insecurities gone.... That's why You can't see it, they're not there anymore. That's why you never give up. it's never too late to feel good, really good.
@IsayUncle I don't know. I think it's awesome that you seem to have figured a way out of your past or trauma or whatever was getting in your way. I just don't think it can always be fixed. Sometimes it's just really a problem with the way the brain is (like any illness of the body) or the trauma is just too deep to overcome. I'm still here and functioning but I don't think I will ever be "normal".
@Psalm139
I know what you mean. My last post was a little bit goofy but we all really do have to live within our confines. But it doesn't make us wrong, bad or "Not Normal". The only thing that is normal is mental illnesses. many different degrees of severity but none the less, I believe most people suffer from some form of mental illness or another. Being the majority makes us normal and the minority not normal. I've always believed that.
The mask people wear is just that. That's why most people wear masks in society... I think anyway. Sorry for the heavy direction of the conversation but I'm just trying to say we can always try to be a bit better today than yesterday regardless of the confines of our mental illness. Mental illness doesn't make us stupid (some do I guess). I don't know how you might feel about all of that but hopefully it's an interesting concept and definetly not a depressing one. You are just who you are supposed to be and there is nothing wrong with that.
Am I just blabbing nonsense in circles... I feel like I am, sorry.
@IsayUncle I see what you're saying. I agree that people in general wear masks. And I think you're right that no one is really "normal". Some people are just able to function better in the world. I do better in my own little world in my house with my family. But that's ok. The world is so messed up. Most of the time I don't care if I fit in it. There actually are a lot of people like me but we can't find each other because we are hiding away from all of the chaos.
If I live past when my kids are grown up I think I will get a van or camper and live in that and just exist far away from everything in the quiet of nature. Maybe then I can just breathe and my heart won't beat so fast and I won't feel like crying all the time.
@Psalm139
Good morning 💚. I'm off to preparing for work. I hope you have a good flow today and things go smooth. It'll be hard enough with just the effort of the day. Hugs to Grandma and I hope your anxiety rear it's ugly head too bad. (((HUGS))). Be easy with yourself.
@IsayUncle Good morning 💙. I hope you have a good day. I'll check in later when I can. Right now I have to get ready. It will be a long day but hopefully not too bad.
@Psalm139
Hi M, I know it must've been a real hard day. I hope you managed OK. I bet you are emotionally and physically exausted. I'm throwing some lifelines and smiles your way. I'll check back in later to see where your at and how you are feeling.
@IsayUncle We are on the way home now. It was hard seeing her that way. She didn't look herself and couldn't talk. Her breathing was heavy and sounded painful. I think it was worth going in case she knew we were there. It will probably be only a few days and we will be going to the funeral. At least she will be at peace.
I am ok. I cried a little but overall I did better than I thought. Especially under the circumstances. Talk to you tonight. 💙