2024 November Stay STUCK in my own Muck OR FIGHT like never before!
I HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN.
I've made progress in 2024 but here towards the end of the year, trials and tribulations have me feeling impotent and useless once again. This rock bottom is not the same rock bottom as a year or two ago. I know from my accomplishments this rock bottom can be approached with some extra advantages. With that said, ROCK BOTTOM is ROCK BOTTOM regardless of what you have or what you don't have. Rock bottom makes you feel impotent and useless.
(I am grateful and give thanks for all of my blessings)
BEEN STUCK IN THIS EPISODE OF MY OWN MUCK FOR TOO LONG AND I'M TIRED OF IT!
TIME TO FIGHT AGAIN! (Fight or give up..... my choice..... my results)
This is my November fight.
Family Relations, Nephew intrusion into my space.... Started as an asset but quickly turned negative.... TRY TO SAVE a positve spin to it. Holiday Communications. Keep equipment repaired to make money. Make money.
All feels hopeless, futile and disparing.
Where is the sunshine after all of last years hard work and progress?
Maybe my December post will feel more fruitful.
1020am napped for 2 hours
same muck, different hour. clean kitchen.
--- above entry written earlier but forgot to post --- spacing out a lot --- it happens ---
done kitchen 1pm
Wash dog bed covers - Clean bedroom
240pm: REMINDER.... STAY STUCK or FIGHT....
Fight to get right - fight to get right
Recover core balance with no plan... just push in the right direction.
clean bedroom.... no big deal.
417pm Getting sidetracked, losing momentum. Still working on bedroom.
@IsayUncle Fall back, regroup, recalibrate and re-engage
What is core balance? Core balance are some very basic and manageable things you maintain for yourself to lessen the confusion in your mind.
What is core balance to me? What is my core balance list and why is it important to me?
Dishes. Floors. Laundry. Trash and Recyclables.
I once was lost, but now I am found. One of the greatest lyrics in spiritual songs but I’m not talking about Amazing Grace. I am talking about finding our way whether it’s spiritual intervention or perseverance and determination. Core balance is the act of finding one’s self, or one’s foundation. Stripping away the entire structure that has been built above the foundation because fighting to maintain that structure drains all of our power and energy with no forward movement, just repairs and questions with more repairs and questions with little or no growth or solid expansion.
I perceive 3 stages of balance. Core balance. Overall balance. Supreme balance. I was talking to a friend about core balance and he says, “oh, I get it I get it, you mean like Feng shui” and I said, “yeah something like that”. But it is nothing like Feng shui because I think Feng shui is a supreme form of balance to consider.
Our core balance is forced on us. Instead of fighting it, we have to be honest with ourselves and humble our expectations of ourselves and acknowledge our core balance. Once we acknowledge our inability to be as powerful and good and positive as we want to be we can begin to understand the simplicity of our core balance and once we begin to understand that, we can be proud to build our core balance into a stronger foundation that can sustain the beginning stages of an overall balance. If we maintain our core balance long enough, eventually a form of overall balance will develop into our daily lives that will be custom fitted to us. We must be humble enough to acknowledge it and disciplined enough to maintain it. Because if we don’t see it and we don’t maintain it, it simply won’t be there yet and we need to maintain our core balance until we see a path to overall balance.
Core balance is forced on us but acknowledging it turns it into a tool of betterment.
Overall balance is making personal choices beyond and definitely after we master our core balance.
What is core balance to me? What is my core balance list and why is it important to me?
Hygene, Diet, Dishes, Floors, Laundry, Beddings, Trash and Recyclables. Pets. Some people might think, how pathetic is that. Being unable to do anything else beyond the basics and thinking that is some sense of balance.
But I can’t care what other people think. I don’t need people like that around me trying to knock me off my core balance. I accepted my limitations that’s the best that I can do then I’m gonna be proud of myself.
Good morning everyone. 🙂
8:00AM I'm feeling more motivated and hopeful this morning. Finally being able to wrap my head around the importance of my core balance, I'm close to getting that done this morning.
It's 9:30 AM and I just wanna go back to bed, wake up and eat, sleep, watch TV, eat go back to bed etcetera.
Every chore I look at, repels me like an opposing magnet and I just wanna go crawl under those covers. Instead, I came here to fight!
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato
“Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again, begin this, and thou wilt have finished”. Marcus Aurelius
“Everything yields to diligence.” Antiphanes
945am: Morning tasks.
Lost Focus but got the morning tasks done.
11:15am: A much dreaded apologetic phone call to a customer. It's at a business office so it may be closed for the holiday weekend but I hope someones is there and I don't get the answering machine.
Write points.... Make phone call.
@IsayUncle
I'm running into a snag. I cannot find the paperwork for the job. Hopefully I can find a copy in my emails.
The anxiety snowballs. I wanted to call before the lunching hours but now that windows passed. And the anxiety snowballs a bit more....
Bite the bullet and get that phone call me today.
@IsayUncle
I went through all that to get the dreaded answering machine.
But, honestly it felt good because there was a lot of information that was just scattered about and I found everything that I needed and so I got a nice neat package to talk about when we do get in touch with each other.
It was an overall success even though not completed yet.
I'm going to finish getting all the paperwork in order and get it in one folder.
@IsayUncle Hey that's great that you found everything you needed and got it all together for when you need it. So maybe it was good that the call went to the answering machine? This way you'll be better prepared and more organized when you do talk with them 😊
430pm. I took a short nap. Now I'm gonna try to fold clothes and clean floors.
605pm.... laundry's done.... do floors.
i am tired
i am cold
i am discouraged
had a leg up yesterday ' finally a positive start.... but then vehice broke down. an all day fix, back home at dark.
today.... sleep or fight?
fight i think..... as futile as it seems.... fight thru core balance chores and then decide if the fight continues to other obligations.
7:24am: FIGHT.... Wash dishes.
