Reflection on how to do pick up (for girls and guys)
Hi this is like a workshop were every can add from their life experiences, and the idea is to work together towards what will aid us in our goals, this is aimed for trying to help both girls who usually never chase guys or guys who struggle to chase girls.
Here some points to reflect upon.
There is no such a thing of femininity of masculinity, but is not more than a social construct, by you understand this males will struggle less to tap into their emotions and its more like dive in into what comes natural to you, not what has been force feed by others. Or for women to be bold and brave and to go and talk to the guy who they fancy. Both female and male have a lot of potential within them,
Learn to be more present in the moment, here and now, lots of people try to strategize on ways to do pick ups, and they go so much into theories and this and that which fail on the most simple of things which is to be present in the moment and try to connect with the person they are in front of them.
No generalizations, no preconceptions, no statistics, we will have a hard time to connect with someone if we think or feel like everyone will be the same cause of some previous bad experiences we had or based on reading more of these bad experiences, which reinforce our negative believes. I do believe that our time in this world is limited and this could limit a lot in what we can experience out of life. Remember every experience is a new world a new challenge a new door which could open.
Find your inner voice, often times in this world as we live we get to be more influenced by others than to learn on how we want to become. You might enjoy being with different people, or committing to one, but that is more like an inner search, more like what you want to experience out of life, and not so much of what it has been force feed by your parents, your peers and so on.
listen to your thoughts and your emotions but learn trust, positivity and to be playful within life, less structured and more dynamic to grow and heal, your emotions could guide you into finding new people to share some time with, and when you are feeling bad is good you can open to someone and trust, i know trust does not comes easy, but trying to move forward speaks volumes. Playfulness is a part we had more when we were kids but some might loose as we age become less spontaneous, less present in the moment, more afraid of things, more robotic, is good to explore what potential we have.
life is full of imperfections, one of the trends i see is being too caught into seeing all the things which to some might feel unfair, like they will call out on many things of society, but sometimes is about learning to treasure what we have while we are still alive and healthy, while we can enjoy it, things might be far from ideal, but life is more rich when we can have different experiences rather than being bitter about on the things we don`t like about how our world is.
Team work last point i want to mention is team work which means if you talk to someone ( either if you are a girl or a guy) you are venturing into a new territory of getting to know someone, seeing if a door might open for you, seeing if there is a chance, given the case that things move forward it could be an experience that both people might enjoy, remember to be mindful of who you have in front of you.
It would be nice to keep working on this, have a lovely weekend ;) 😛
@okeyyyy Thank you for reflecting and giving encouragement to those who may need it
Its does point to the idea that the more you put pressure on yourself to be a particular way the less likely it will come off natural as does the person really get to know you. The more you expect the more disappointed you will be
Someone's idea of the labels you have mentioned femineity and masculine can be construed differently.
@GoldenRuleJG Thank you for reflecting and giving encouragement to those who may need it
Its does point to the idea that the more you put pressure on yourself to be a particular way the less likely it will come off natural as does the person really get to know you. The more you expect the more disappointed you will be
Someone's idea of the labels you have mentioned femineity and masculine can be construed differently.
glad to help, yes its good to finding who we want to be, like being a better versions of ourselves, yes this thing like femininity or masculinity tend to be an obstacle for people to become who they want to, example if a woman wants to lift heavy weights having to deal with what others say and such, or what others envision for men and women, which tends to be trying to fit people into preestablished roles, like you dont see many women being construction workers, or mechanics, etc, or many men being ballet dancers, yes there are some, but still. So point is being who you want to be and ignoring what others think about it , more like following who you really wanna be and to not let yourself be influenced, or stopped from being who you wanna be.
@okeyyyy
yes but these are the intial steps my guy/gal.non binary pal
you need a lot more
mutual intrests or activity to talk about or bond over
mustual atraction so you stay hoocked
and most important the confidence to talk the first step for both guys and girls
its a chase yes but each side has their own mindgames they need to move through
while its obvious that guys struggle with the initial move and getting the courage to try
firls struggle with expectations by peers and feelings of self doubt / fearing the guy is a creep or someone who only wants them now and not for a long term thing
both sides need courage and confidence
girls like confident guys even if they say no
and i have yet to find a guy who would say no to a girl who confdantly makes a first move unless he was already in a relationship
@scorpionpolktanktree
mutual interests (yes)
mutual attraction (yes)
and most important the confidence to talk the first step for both guys and girls
(sometimes there are indirect approaches like not talking directly to the person but saying to that the other hears it , or interacting in a group, or singing when the other passes by, etc )
its a chase yes but each side has their own mind games they need to move through,
like breaking the ice, etc.
while its obvious that guys struggle with the initial move and getting the courage to try
yes but the women tend to never approach and struggle even more, cause men tend to be socially forced into pursuing, while women are socially forced into being passive and give hints and so on, but this is no more than social expectations which can be broken/bypass depending on the person.
girls struggle with expectations by peers and feelings of self doubt / fearing the guy is a creep or someone who only wants them now and not for a long term thing
I think depends on the girl, some girls do want short term too, but I guess the problem is more like that there are a lot of stereotypes/ preconceptions in our head when we talk to someone, fearing that all men/women will be the same ( generalisations) . So yes when dealing with someone new is always hard to know who we are dealing with, plus when is dating lust is a thing that often is on the table, and more than anything the fear of getting scammed, lied and manipulated, taken advantage of, etc. Yet both women and men can be lusty and go after sex. Cause planning is easy but not always things go accordingly.
both sides need courage and confidence
Yes, and more than that, be self loving, good communicative, and emotionally attuned with their emotions, see life as opportunities more than as problems, is more like having a positive mindset, and knowing not everyone is a good match, etc.
girls like confident guys even if they say no
i would not generalize in this regard, girls is not one single entity, what happens when we say this we project onto others what we feel others will say. I feel that this has been more like a force stereotype pushed into society as how women and men should be. This is something better learn from experience, and also be mindful that we can misjudge people, cause we dont read minds, even our perceptions of others can betray us.
and i have yet to find a guy who would say no to a girl who confidently makes a first move unless he was already in a relationship
There are many cases were a guy might say no to a girl, maybe he does not like her, maybe he finds her annoying, or he is busy, or he does not like her attitude. You place women too high. For a relationship you need 2 people, either if its a sporadic one or a more long term one, also there are both desperate men and women. Sometimes things are more than you can see on the surface.