i need help..
hi!! I'm lesbian and I've known deep down for a while...I use she/her pronouns FYI and I've been finding it hard to come to terms with who I am and accepting what I am. I have so much internal homophobia and hate built up in me from when I was younger. I was always taught the LGBTQ+ is a sin and same-sex relationships are a big fat no. I've tried so hard to deny my feelings and who I am. I tried conversion, went through denial, dated guys who would ask me out or show any interest in me romantically to cover up my homosexuality, even isolated myself as punishment till I could get it into my head that somewhere deep down I'm straight. Nothing worked. I hate to say it but I can't run away from my identity forever...
I'm still closeted but I've stopped dating guys as a cover, I've tried to come to terms with my identity but it's agonizingly difficult to accept a part of me i was taught to resent. I can't even say the word gay or lesbian out loud without flinching. Any advice on how I can help myself accept? because I swear to god I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what else to do...