I don't know what to do after being rejected twice( by a cis guy, and a trans girl respectively).
I can say I truly fell in love with two people - first a cis guy, then a trans girl. (I am a cis girl.)
My friendship with the guy ended because of me being a fool, but I clearly remember what he said when he rejected me romantically, he said in an incredibly eloquent way, but the message behind it was "I can't love you the way you want, but you are an amazing person" and tried his best to "help me understand" and "calm me down". I suffered very much when he eventually blocked me due to me overwhelming him with my family issues.
The trans girl, back then in the closet, wanted me to return( she doesn't know about the situation with the guy to this day), because I was retreating myself, trying to deal with my emotions alone.
Oh the irony.
Meanwhile, during a period of 1.5 years of no contact, she realized she was trans. She reconnected with me in October( she sent me a message, and while I've had feelings for her from long ago( and she had an innocent crush on me, but back then I didn't give much thought, but I never rejected her), only now did they come to light for me. When she also rejected me, she said "Please understand that I can only love you platonically". And she really likes to tell me "I love you platonically" for some twisted reason, while also trying to lecture me on love. It's like hearing the guy all over again.
What should I do in order for me to finally have my attraction reciprocated with someone?
As a sidenote... I've thought a lot lately about the possibility of me being trans as well. I'm honestly 50/50 on this one. A part of me believes that I'm truly trans(masc), but the other is feeling this just because it's a way of coping with the rejection and/or wanting to be her equal and to take a similar personal journey( I think I would've been her true equal if I was a trans woman, but I'm not AMAB, unfortunately...)
I just hope she isn't disappointed in me.
I'm desperate. This whole ordeal made me being distracted from my daily life( like college). Please, I need as much help and advice as I can get.
@Aqua7281
Hi, Aqua. This seems like a lot to deal with, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
First things first- I will say that you are lovely just the way that you are. You are already her equal as a cis woman. Cis men, trans men, cis women, trans women - they'll all just people living in this world, trying to find purpose and happiness.
Secondly, it honestly sounds like both of your crushes truly cared for you, but in a friend-sense. It sounds like they wanted to be there for you and for you to take care of yourself, but didn’t quite see you as someone they’d like to date. They also both sound like people who have done inner work and established their boundaries. Perhaps it would be a good idea to take some time away from romance and truly build your sense of self-esteem and identity. Both of those people called you lovely. Even if they didn’t want to date you, I hope you don’t take it too personally.
You sound confused and overwhelmed in your emotions right now. I would recommend taking the time to sort through your issues and traumas, and go through learning how to deal with them one by one- so that you can gain confidence in your own sense of self.
You sound like a very sweet and lovable person, I think you just have to realize that yourself. (:
Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to chat more or would like any resources.
@Gilbird
Hello, Gilbird, thank you for replying!
I generally don't care about romance until I happen to fall in love(that is how I felt when she was initially having a crush on me), and it honestly feels like being kind and knowledgeable are the only things that would save me from being completely neglected. For the guy, I understand he preferred dating only girls he knew in real-life, but for the trans girl, I basically fit all her criteria and she still isn't attracted to me. (When I tried getting a concrete response on that, she said she prefers being friends with everyone that is sweet and kind, and dating anyone she is attracted to, and she wants them to be one of her friends - I've concluded that after I asked her about her preference in guys, and she said he has to be pretty special if she gets together with after just dating, with no friendship background).
Basically, I have plenty of friends, but no significant other. I think I am just "too good of a friend" - at least it's better than it was during my childhood, when I was failing to make friends. I am always a setback.
The final question, a bit of a rhetorical one, with a tinge of mystery that only the future can answer - Who would eventually end up dating me, and loving me romantically across time? Because every friend sees me the same... and even if I do get in a relationship, the probability of breaking up is very high.
How many attempts and romantic feelings must I pass through until the situation is different, and a friend reciprocates them?
Something tells me it's going to be different with the trans girl, than it was with the guy... but I don't know in what way.
