Bigoted family

@wittyGrapes7678

Hello Rae. It can indeed be challenging to go low or no contact with a non-accepting family especially when we want to stay connected with nieces and/or nephews who we care for.

I can't really give you advice for how to handle your situation, but I will share some of what I've found for myself in my interactions with non-accepting relatives. With family that does not know and will likely never know who I am, I find I become a very 'flat' person. While we are all multifaceted, when spending time with family I sort of boil myself down to only the facets of my life and personality which are safe and unlikely to lead down the path to less safe topics. When I was in university this meant most of the time the only things I shared about myself related to student life and my studies, now it often means I'm often reduced to talking about my hobbies like knitting or crochet where I just don't share all the LGBTQ+ themed crochet projects I've made. I find it very emotionally exhausting so I have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself in advance and then take time to recover afterward. It sort of reminds me of the "grey rock" technique to an extent, if you are familiar with that. I sort of look at it as that part of my family only gets that small part of me instead of none of me at all, which yes is less fulfilling, but I get that fulfillment from other relationships instead.

Maybe you have some ideas on how to find the balance that works for what you need and want? Have you taken time to really look at what those needs and wants are and considered if there may be other ways to meet some of them? Overall, I do hope you find something that will work for you.