Looking for advice
I identify as pansexual. I've never really had a big issue with gender when l've found myself to be attracted to different people, but I do tend to be more attracted to women. Anyway, what I wanted to say, I've been dating my bf for almost a year now, which is exciting because he's unbelievably sweet and amazing. Before dating him, I was in a short relationship with a girl (my first relationship), and I really liked her, but it didn't work out. I think that my bf really could be someone l imagine settling down and having a great future with, but I've been having this weird feeling lately. I always felt l'd end up with a woman, and it's not that I'd be upset if l ended up with a man, but I'm concerned. I love my boyfriend; he is wonderful, but I keep feeling sad that l'll never date any more women, but I also can't imagine breaking up with my bf. Idk what this means or why I'm feeling this way, but if anyone's had similar experiences, I'd really appreciate some advice!
Also, I would just like to put it out there that I'm not unhappy. He's very sweet, and he tries really hard to make me happy. He's not as romantic as I would like, but that's not the biggest deal. We are intimate, and I like kissing and touching and all that, so it's not necessarily a physical problem. I'm just worried that one day I'll wake up and regret not exploring my sexuality more, or that I chose my partner too early in life. But even still, I can't imagine finding a more compatible partner who tries really hard to make me happy and does make me happy, so I’m at a loss. Anyway, I just want someone else's input
Is there something or things specifically that you think that you could get from being with a woman that you feel you are missing from your bf, even though you are happy? I know you mentioned romance? Maybe you think a female relationship might be more romantic? Or things that you want sexually that he isn't into? I am almost feeling similarly about my fiancé. I adore him and he is so good to me, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't understand me and there's things sexually that I wish he would be into. But he does his best to please me and we are very happy. But I am wrestling with the idea that I might be bisexual lately. And I'm not gonna step out and I don't want to break up, but I can't help but wonder if someone else, specifically a woman would give me those things. But no one is perfect, and maybe it's natural to feel that way, just cold feet or FOMO. I think if you love him, are happy, and can't imagine breaking up, you have the right person. And maybe you could talk to him about those things that you feel like you might be missing. I'm sure he would love to try to fulfill your needs, emotionally or physically.
@turtlegirl9696
I think one of my biggest concerns is that he doesn’t fully understand me. He’s a man and straight, so he doesn’t fully understand queer things. For example, I have a really complex relationship with genders, so I identify as genderfluid. He’s never been super excited about this, but he doesn’t dislike it either. He’s very neutral I guess. One thing though is that I love when people use he/they pronouns for me, and he knows this, but he doesn’t try to use them. I don’t hate she, but I don’t get the same feeling when I hear it. Also, I feel like I’m being forced into a gender role kind of. He doesn’t mind that I dress masculine or act masculine, but he always gets excited when I dress fem or do more feminine stuff, which kind of reinforces it even tho I don’t like dressing super fem or acting super fem. Also, another thing that’s kind of upset me lately is his reaction to my sexuality. He’s not homophobic or dislikes that I’m pan, but he also doesn’t acknowledge it, even though it’s a huge part of my life. For example, he likes that I am attracted to women bc he thinks that I’ll be less likely to cheat. Now, idk where that correlation comes from, but it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Similarly, I reminded him recently that I was pan, and he responded with, “yeah but you’re dating a man.” That also upset me bc it doesn’t change my sexuality or anything. Anyway, it’s those little things and the fact that he doesn’t understand what I go through as a woman. He doesn’t get why I feel unsafe and have safety measures in place all the time. He doesn’t understand why I don’t like being touched on my period or other stuff like that.
I can’t say that being with a woman would necessarily be “easier” bc I’ve heard some horror stories, but idk, I just feel like I’m missing out or worried that I won’t have the chance to grow and explore, especially when it comes to my queer identity or just concerned that I’m in a situation I’ll regret or something.
Yeah, idk, it sounds like maybe you guys are just a bit too different. I hate to say it. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but it definitely seems like he doesn't understand or accept who you are fully. It also sounds like you aren't exactly his type fully and he doesn't want to accept/acknowledge it.
