turtlegirl9696 Member Profile

...See more 28F in an engaged hetero relationship. I never questioned being "straight" growing up. I was raised Christian and I think I always had crushes on boys, at least that I realized/admitted to myself. The thing that started to make me question was p*rn. A few years ago I happened to watch lesbian p*rn, because my bf, now ex, thought it would be hot. Anyway, I discovered that I liked it more than I thought I would. I find myself wanting to watch lesbian p*rn specifically sometimes. Even if I feel guilty about it, I still end up watching it, usually. And I know it's not just because it's sexual, because I have tried to watch gay male p*rn and that doesn't do it for me, even though I am attracted to men. After the confusion over the p*rn, I have been thinking about real life. I have always been drawn to butts, no matter who what gender the person is. And more recently, I have been looking at female breasts in a sexual way I think, especially like on a screen, but sometimes in person. I used to think I admired women's bodies in a like " I wish I looked like that" way, but maybe there was always a bit of "I wish I could have her" or something idk. Also, hot girls making out seems to excite me, as a straight couple in like a movie or something. I do remember once when I was a kid, I was attracted to a nb or trans boy. I thought they were a cis boy, until I was told that they were an acquaintance's "granddaughter". This made me a bit confused, because I still liked them, even though I felt like I shouldn't or it was "wrong". I just kinda wrote it off then and tried to avoid them because the situation made me feel awkward and nervous. I have been trying to avoid these feelings and concerns because I thought they don't even really matter because I am still super attracted and in love with my fiancé (M) and want to marry him and I don't want to ask to open the relationship or even really tell him or anyone if I am actually bi, because I'm worried it wouldn't go well. But I keep feeling more concerned/confused. I have even kinda started to think about what it might be like if he left me and I let my self try to explore with a woman, like friends that I know are gay, and the idea of dating them is or is almost exciting to me. I want to talk to a queer person about my concerns,but I'm too nervous to admit it to anyone in my actual life, because I don't want anyone to know. So, I came here for anonymous opinions. lol Does anyone resonate with this? Do y'all think I might be bisexual, or am I just a straight hypersexual that overthinks too much?

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