Curious and Confused
Hello!
I am 19 and have only ever dated guys (4) and thought about guys in terms of a relationship. However, even as I dated them, I knew in the back of my mind that I'd date a woman if "the right one" came. Idk how to explain what the characterization of "the right one" is, as I'm just as confused as the statement lol.
I guess to simplify, I'd date a woman, but I'm completely terrified by it. Not to mention, being a woman and knowing what we are capable of, ik women are terrifying 🤣. We literally push humans out of us lol. This is besides the point though.
Women scare me, but I'd date one. *Sigh*
I've coped with this realization. Though it brings up a question that I've questioned for some years now. What am I?
Ik I'm not straight. Yet bisexual doesn't quite fit as of rn to me (though I have considered bi-curious). Ik I don't have to label myself, but I'm a person who's more comfortable knowing what something is than beating around the bush for an explanation.
So far, I've narrowed it down to Heteroflexible. I lean more towards men, but I'd date/be with a woman.
P.S. I'll also add that my last intentions are to disrespect the LGBTQIA+ community, which is partially why I didn't feel comfortable labeling myself as bisexual and knowing that it wasn't quite right.
I'm not someone who just goes up to people either and talk to them. But I can be talkative with people ik. So, the whole "exploring my sexuality" thing isn't really something I've considered until after college.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, but can someone help me out with this?
I completely get what you mean. I’m bi now but felt the same way as you before. It could just be that you are attracted to specific personality traits regardless of gender or you just don’t mind the idea of dating a women. Either way you are you and whoever you like is who you like. If you want to date a woman or just talk to one that might be interested go to spaces where you can like online or in person. And if your still struggling with a label you could just say queer. It means not straight which describes you perfect. It’s a label but it broad and could have lots of different meanings. It’s whatever meaning you give it, there called umbrella terms because they can have a lot under it or in this case a variety of meanings. It can be vague or specific. But ignore labels as best you can because just being you is good enough.
Firstly, as far as I see you’ve in no way been disrespectful so don’t worry about that. You’re asking for advice and support, exactly what this space is meant for.
Use whatever label you feel best suits you, you might find that changes in time. I felt exactly the same, unsure for a very long time, but being in a long term relationship with a man it never seemed important to figure it out. I’m almost 30 and have only recently begun to accept and admit to others that I’m bi. Maybe just take the time to see what feels right for you.
@RenFox
I can see how that might make it feel hard to find a label that fits your situation. The way you describe your potential attraction to another woman almost sounds like someone who is demi (only experiencing attraction after an emotional bond is established), but only demi when it comes to women otherwise heterosexual? You may also find terms like bifluid or biflex might be worth exploring.
I'm not sure if there are any labels for that sort of partially demi kind of situation, but as they say sexuality is a spectrum with a whole range of experiences, and many of us won't really fit any one label perfectly, but rather find labels that are 'close enough'.
Overall what would finding or having a label mean for you?
I remember thinking about demisexual maybe a year ago, but I was never sure if I understood it correctly.
As far as the last question, it would basically make me feel like I'm not just so "lost," I guess is the best way to say it. I've always been the one helping others and being a pillar/anchor for those that needed me to be, but who's that for me (besides my family, cause they've always supported me)?
I hate the unknown. And although I knew enough to know I wasn't completely straight, it still bothered me that I was never comfortable enough to explain that to people, even though they don't deserve an explanation. I've heard of the terms "Baby gays" and "confused," but really I'm neither. I'm not confused about my sexuality, rather the label.
I guess in my head, if I was Lesbian and a girl whom identified as neither completely straight or completely gay saw interest in me, I'd be confused for them and stand-offish on whether I should or shouldn't pursue that person. Especially with the possibility of them disliking their exploration and me.
Either way, I guess what I'm trying to say is, knowing I'm neither gay or completely straight is nerve racking enough, but knowing (at the least) the label would put my heart at ease, and something maybe my future self can explore in my adulthood.
@RenFox
There are some who identify as bisexual where they experience a predominant attraction to one gender, but not exclusive attraction to one gender. Some will even try to quantify it like 75% / 25%. You may also find pansexual is another term you could explore. I would also recommend keeping in mind attraction doesn't always end up as action. You can be attracted to women and never actually have had a relationship with one.
As you say, some women who identify as lesbian may prefer to date other women who also identify as lesbians, and sadly 'biphobia' can add to that. But that is often based on myths and misconceptions.
I hope you will find what feels right for you.
@RenFox
"Women scare me, but I'd date one. *Sigh*"
Truer words have never been said before lol
*Le every hooman taking a worshipping stance😂😂*
