AroAce Issues - Loneliness, Amatonormativity

Another note I have been single for four years now. Did try dating after becoming single but hardly dated at all and stopped dating for good about a year ago when I found out that I wasn’t actually enjoying it or that it just isn’t for me. I am not the same compared to people who aren’t aroace in a relationship which is how I found out I am. But I still don’t know how to deal with it well. Maybe someone has a suggestion.

I can totally relate to that. I'm also aroace and I feel like a lot of people stop putting enough energy into a friendship, especially once they get into a sexual/romantic relationship.

What really helped me was finding an aroace friend. I feel like as long as you have one friend who you can really connect with it's a bit less terrible how occupied everyone else is.

If you feel like you want a partner you can look into QPRs or other kinds of non traditional relationships. Maybe you can find something that's perfect for you.

Other than that all I can recommend is just keep asking your friends to spend time together over and over again. I've come to realise that they often don't want to spend less time with you, but rather just forget that they make time for you, so repeatedly asking can actually help (only to a certain point of course)

Yeah sometimes I wish I was just from another culture where romantic relationships don’t take precedence over other ones (except maybe familial ones). Cultures where people don’t marry for love or infatuation or sleep with random people for pleasure. I find that none of my old “friends” don’t even talk to me anymore- I don’t identify with their interests anyways. I don’t fit in this culture ☹️

@GumballMachine 

Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely and left behind by your “friends.” I’m not aroace, but I can definitely relate to feeling left out/left behind when other people ignore me to go spend lots and lots of time with their romantic partners.

I still feel lonely from time to time, but what has helped me is seeking out people who highly value friendship regardless of their relationship status. I prioritize spending quality time with friends even if I do have a partner, and try to cultivate friendships with people who have the same mentality.