How can I accept my biological gender?

@Djeidi what makes you say nothing else is an option for you?

@Optimisticempath because my dysphoria is about things that cannot be changed without surgery. And not only is that too expensive but also innacessable for me... And I fear even if that wasn't the case it will only cause me more harm and at the end of the day I will still not be happy

@Djeidi

It can certainly feel like you have no options when the possible solutions you see aren't accessible, but it doesn't necessarily have to be all or nothing. Can you think of ways you could find some middle ground?

It can also be difficult not to end up focused on the things that cause us the most distress and dissatisfaction, but I wonder what are things you do like about yourself and who you are? Perhaps taking time to discover those and give them more of your focus may be a step toward greater self acceptance as well.

I can't give you answers, but I hope if you choose to take the time to think over these questions you will find them useful.

@EmotionsListener Sadly even if there are things I like about myself those are not the ones that prevent me from having a normal life. In fact they have no effect at all on it.

@Djeidi

I suppose that might bring up the following questions to consider (you don't need to answer here of course):

• What would a normal life mean/look like to you?
• What are some specific things preventing you from having that?

@EmotionsListener A normal life would be one where I am not 24/7 in distress and uncomfortable. One where I can have normal relationships and not be limited in what I can do by my own mental health. The gender dysphoria is what is preventing me from having that life.

@Djeidi It's hard and really frustrating. Obviously I don't fully understand how you feel. But if you want my advice I say embrace yourself no matter what. Follow your heart.

@WellsFiction

I agree!

@BlueberryMinigun2003 That's exactly what I'm asking how to do. How am I supposed to like characteristics of myself that prevent me from having a normal life?

@BlueberryMinigun2003 I don't see any positives at all and even if there were any that doesn't change the fact that I'm uncomfortable with it

Find a way to accept it and don’t be so caught up in looks. Hating your body or gender is hate towards yourself. There’s amazing aspects of both genders especially when they get along.

@JJN123 that's literally what I'm asking: how to accept it?

@SkullCrusher1989 have you ever heard of gender dysphoria? Because it sounds like you haven't, so please learn more about it before posting comments that invalidate trans people's identity

@Djeidi

Firstly, thank you for expressing this. With regards to gender dysphoria, I’m not well versed, but I will try to ease your worries. You deserve to be loved. Do you feel best being non-binary or a preferred pronoun? Distinguishing between these options might help. Feel great as you are with your personal image, as we all come in different shapes and sizes and have our own individual glow. Your body doesn’t need to define your gender. You do and those are your boundaries, even if you haven’t any definitions. We’re always evolving, so we don’t have to be the result. However, we can take steps to feel okay in our own skin when put into environments that make us happy. Stray away from socials if they’re putting you down. Go to somewhere comfortable.

I’d suggest to experiment with clothing and accessories that feels nice against your body or transforms what doesn’t feel nice, a new hairstyle, different perfume (scents always make me feel good about myself) and makeup if surgery isn’t an option. Do what you enjoy against gendered advertisements. Shops are there to have items sold and activities are there to be tried. Best wishes and much love. 👑

@LittleHopeInDark I already do that. But my issue is with my anatomy not with how I identify or clothing (clothing and stuff like that is just not helping at all)

Djeidi,

It's not uncommon for someone with gender dysphoria to feel that way and I understand how it can feel both overwhelming and hopeless at the same time. Unfortunately, none of us here can tell you one true solution that will make these feelings disappear. From my own experience, these feelings didn't ever fully go away but rather I have just processed them over and over again so many times that it just seems to subside in time. It's definitely still there but that I just consciously choose not to focus on as much since there are parts that I cannot change to reach my standards. Instead, I choose to focus on the parts that I do like about myself. Finding new hobbies and adding more knowledge to current hobbies can add to the image we see of ourselves. Think about what you want to do with your life, what you enjoy doing, what makes you happy, and those things will appear if you put time into it. I know it may not be the answer that you are looking for but I hope it helps if even a little. Only you can decide what is the best way for you to find acceptance in your own skin.

@Djeidi do you believe in after life ? It's a big big big test from god , 🙏 Try to accept it, focus on your gender pros and remember that no thing in this world is for one gender ...Have a nice day 💞

@Mivillia2u I don't see a single positive thing about it plus even if I did it doesn't change the fact that I'm uncomfortable with it.

@Djeidi

I am sorry you are feeling down right now. Gender dysphoria can be really distressing. I understand why you are looking for ways to learn on how to accept your gender.

All I can say is that things can change. Your circumstances can change. Maybe you can't see it now. You feel like you will never get to transition and that you will hate your life forever, like you are doomed.

But as I said, things get better. Maybe not for now, but it will, in the future; but only if you give it time, and work. Stay strong, you can do this.

@reassuringplush it's been like this ever since I was born.. and what does it matter if it changes latter? My youth is already wasted... And even if I did have access to transition stuff that won't be of help, the things that can be done are it's simply not enough and not what I want

@Djeidi

I see what you mean. Of course, surgery can help but it definitely is not everything. I am sorry for not seeing that for you things are deeper than I thought they were. I didn't mean to demean your struggle. I hope you will find the help you need.

@reassuringplush I've been looking for "the help that I need" for years already and no one can provide it... Seems like I'm just a hopeless lost case...

You're not as hopeless as you think you are. Otherwise you wouldn't post this thread asking help for how you can accept your biological gender.

@reassuringplush I'm asking for help in vain. Like you can see. Literally no one was able to provide an answer.

@JJN123 have you ever heard of gender dysphoria? Because it sounds like you haven't, so please learn more about it before posting comments that invalidate trans people's identity

@Djeidi have you tried contacting a local LGBT support group? They might be able to help you with contacts are resources to make transition more accessible to you. If not, they will be there for you through peer support and psychological support. I don't know where you live, but you may try to find one next to you. Don't give up hope yet. Everyone deserves to be their true self!

@Aayla there is none that speaks English where I live

Hi Djeidi,

Thanks for seeking for help at this forum. It is not always easy to do so, as there is so much stigma surrounding trans issues, so I am glad you took the courage to do so.

Before I answer your question, I wanted to note that a lot of answers here have different emphasis based on the commenter's values, and that shift in focus will inevitably give you a different result. Regardless of whichever opinion you resonate with, I wanted you to understand that ultimately, it's only you who can decide what makes the most sense to you. And regardless of what happens down that path, it's always good to keep an open mind, while not letting what others think of you dictate who you are.

Answering your question, I will challenge you that you always have a choice. Choosing to live every day is a choice. Choosing to transition is a choice. Choosing to not transition is a choice. Choosing to be kind to others is a choice. Choosing to be kind to yourself is a choice. Sometimes, some choices in life are less available to you. For instance, if I want to choose to buy a yacht, I probably cannot afford it today, so that is not an option for me. Given that circumstance, it ultimately becomes a question of what I am willing to give up for that goal. Using our yacht example, I may try to work harder to try to earn more, I may try to have more creative ways to get a better paying job, I may decide that the easiest way to get a yacht is to be an escort and earn quick money that way, or maybe I will decide to learn more about investments to grow my money so that one day I will eventually get there. Yes, it will take tine, or maybe I will never get there, but if I wanted a yacht enough, I know I will keep trying, because I have the will for it. So, before saying that you do not have options, consider what is that one other thing you haven't yet tried, that will get you one step closer to reaching for the stars.

As human beings, we can only accept things that we feel are true. We cannot "accept" things that are not true because that wouldn't be "acceptance" - that will be called changing your mind.

One can accept themselves as being transgender, or you can accept yourself as cisgender - these are realities of your own mental state that you have to question yourself deeply to reach your conclusive truth.

You can also accept the fact that you have no means to pursue any means of transition medically, because of the circumstances you have. If this is what you are asking about, then I will say that this is no different than trying to convince yourself not to buy whatever you are wanting from the store - unfortunately, we can't have everything in life after all. And yes, it's probably painful, and maybe you will die from it, just like all those who didn't have enough resources to feed themselves and end up starving to death, or those who didn't have enough resources to cure their sickness and end up getting consumed by their disease. In this unfortunate world of ours, people die every day for various things they needed but was not able to obtain - and yes, they have no choice but to accept poverty because they have no means to change that.

But if you are trans to start with, and you want to convince yourself that you are cisgender instead, then what you are doing is not to convince youself to "accept" anything, but you are asking how others can help you change your mind about the conviction that you are trans. With that, nobody other than yourself can help you convince yourself to change your mind, but we can be supportive of you and walk alongside you during a difficult time, regardless of the direction you proceed in - that is what mental health support is all about. And to me, if you are able to accept yourself regardless of you being trans, cis, gay, les, bi, ace, etc is always going to give you a better mental health outcome than trying to fight with a label every day. Who cares about labels after all, it's always about how you can live a "good" life, however way you define it.

Hope that gives you some clarity regarding what you are trying to do. Best wishes, and good luck! <3

@IsaSilver

Thank you for the comment. It has offered me a very interesting perspective about the issue at hand, one that I never thought of.