Tolerance, Acceptance & Understanding
Frequently in the LGBTQ+ Community we talk about tolerance, acceptance and understanding, but what do these even mean? How do they relate to each other? Why are they important? This thread seeks to explore these concepts and your experiences with them.
[Image reads “Tolerance Acceptance” where acceptance is in rainbow colours]
First we’ll look at tolerance and acceptance.
Tolerance is said to be a fair, objective, willingness to allow the existence of opinions, practices or behavior that differ from one’s own and that one does not necessarily agree with. While it doesn’t have to, tolerance often carries with it the implication that while you may allow for an action, idea, object or behaviour, there may also be an inherent dislike, disagreement or judgment.
Acceptance is thought to be a step up from tolerance, there is less inherent judgement and an assent to the reality of a situation. Essentially it involves a simple agreement with an idea, opinion or explanation without attempting to change it.
As you can see, tolerance is more in line with the idea of treating others how you want to be treated, or being able to agree to disagree while still being respectful toward each other. Tolerance might be summarized as “I can live with it.” Acceptance by contrast is not just “I can live with it” but moves toward “It is okay.” Ultimately tolerance does not require acceptance, but acceptance does require tolerance.
While tolerance is often thought of as a desired minimum, it can also be more cold and disconnected, peaceful coexistence but lacking genuine connections. Acceptance in contrast allows for greater connection and sharing of experiences and emotions. So for many, acceptance is the true goal or minimum.
So then where does understanding come in?
Understanding is the process by which an individual comprehends an idea, object, individual, behaviour or message, and is thus able to adequately deal with or use concepts relating to it. Understanding often involves taking in a great deal of information and learning.
While encouraging understanding can lead to tolerance or acceptance, it is both possible to understand someone or something without tolerating or accepting, and to tolerate or accept someone or something without understanding.
We often seek to grow understanding as well, wanting people to know us, hoping that by gaining that knowledge they will come to tolerate or even accept us. But as you can see these are three important and related but separate concepts.
[Image reads “Understanding” where each letter of understanding is done in the colours of different LGBTQ+ flags]
If you would like to share I invite you to take some time to consider the following questions:
How have you experienced each of these(tolerance, acceptance and understanding) as an LGBTQ+ person? What feelings did each create for you?
Is tolerance for LGBTQ+ people enough for you? Would you prefer acceptance? Why or why not?
-
Do you feel understanding the LGBTQ+ community is important? Why or why not?
If you feel understanding is important, what do you feel could or should be done to increase understanding?
[Image consists of a series of silhouettes with colourful speech bubbles]
Sources:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-difference-between-to_b_5791076
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@ZhaviaMachete
Hello Emotions,
such a detailed post 😮 I appreciate the effort you put into this.
From my observation, the tolerance in general tends to be restricted to a defined set of expressions or behaviours. There is usually the "but" included in it... In the context of the LGBTIQ+ community, it's almost like stating "I won't support a riot against you, as long as..." with the condition usually being something along not expressing yourself publicly, staying quiet, not demanding "more" (equal) rights, keeping the status quo, no "promotion" or "indoctrination" of the values we represent...
In contrast, the acceptance feels more inclusive, i.e. when people are "okay with the situation and all its nuances". It's an acknowledgement that the situation "is what it is" and there is nothing wrong about it.
Regarding the understanding... that's a more peculiar topic. I feel like it may help push people towards acceptance, as long as they sit on the "less polarized tolerance spectrum". I also find explanations and argumentation useful in situations where it is about a particular problem, for example with people who are generally accepting but don't think adoption should be a thing because it's "too much". Explaining that it would just reflect an existing reality may help in such a case.
Anyway that's all I had on my mind for now. Take care 😊
Mel
@Mel2248
Thank you for sharing your insights, I really like how you pointed out the way that tolerance often seems to carry with it a “but”. Though one might argue with that sort of “keep it in the closet” attitude, it’s not really even tolerance.
As you say, acceptance is typically more inclusive and allows you to step out of the “closet” and be who you are without reservations.
Information that is more situation oriented or personally relevant can certainly be more useful, even while as you say polarization can strongly influence if (and how) this greater understanding will impact a person.
Thank you again for joining in.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
@EmotionsListener
Thank you for this wonderful post! It really helps to understand the difference between the three.
Let me answer the questions you've posted. I'm a trans girl who is still transitioning.
English is my second language. I hope you can understand my post.
How have you experienced each of these(tolerance, acceptance and understanding) as an LGBTQ+ person? What feelings did each create for you?
Coming out to my close family and especially my parents was difficult. At first, it seemed like they couldn't understand my situation and thus didn't tolerate nor accept how I felt. Over time, they were able to learn more about it and understood more of my struggles.
Understanding in that scenario felt good. While they didn't support me right off the bat, it still seemed like they wanted to understand what's going on.
When they didn't try to fight back and started to tolerate my feelings, I could feel a bit more at ease. But I could still see their judgement and their dislike.
It took quite a while but in the end, they were able to accept me for who I am. This now feels wonderful because I have a safe haven that I can return to whenever I want. It feels validating and heart-warming to know my parents are there for me, no matter what.
Is tolerance for LGBTQ+ people enough for you? Would you prefer acceptance? Why or why not?
Currently, I'm struggling with bullying at school because of being trans. So tolerance would already be a big step up for me.
Still, acceptance is definitely better. Having to deal with people judging you for who you are all the time, is exhausting. It really stings at times. Acceptance from their side would help ease that pain.
Do you feel understanding the LGBTQ+ community is important? Why or why not?
That depends, I think. I feel like a basic understanding is necessary for empathy and understanding. That's why I think this basic level is important.
I don't expect everybody to know the ins and outs of every label of the community. When somebody you care about uses a certain label, it should be enough to inform yourself about it then.
If you feel understanding is important, what do you feel could or should be done to increase understanding?
Voices of the community shouldn't be hidden. Instead, they should be part of the discourse as much as every other topic. They should make up a part of the media you consume in school. They should be present in movies and shows every now and then (and they should be well-written ... not just have a LGBTQ label slapped on them).
@fleetDeer7642
Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with us. It sounds like you have really worked to grow understanding with your family and from it moved from intolerance toward acceptance. It must have taken a lot of personal strength and emotional energy to keep trying to connect and help your family understand while always hoping for their acceptance. I’m very glad that by building understanding you were able to also find acceptance and regain that sense of safety and love from your family.
As for the minimum standard. It’s sad but true that many times even tolerance would be an improvement, but as they say better is not always good. It certainly can be exhausting to face constant judgment and bullying, and tolerance often carries it’s own weight of judgment as well. Hopefully acceptance can become more normal and less of an aspiration for all of the LGBTQ+ community around the world.
I like how you point out the difference between having a basic understanding and needing every last nuance and definition. In some ways one might even argue that when it becomes too complicated or too much information the benefit starts to revert as people are tired, uninterested or annoyed. As though there is an optimal balance of information that generates the most acceptance.
Also, as you mention, normalization and genuine inclusion of LGBTQ+ characters and representations can go a long way in generating the level of understanding that most people would benefit from.
Thank you again for joining in, sharing your thoughts and experiences with us!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
How have you experienced each of these (tolerance, acceptance and understanding) as an LGBTQ+ person? What feelings did each create for you?
Acceptance is heartwarming, reassuring and truly makes me feel welcome and appreciated for who I am. Tolerance, while certainly better than rejection, still has some bitterness to it because even if I'm "formally" treated equally, I can still tell if there's underlying judgement.
Is tolerance for LGBTQ+ people enough for you? Would you prefer acceptance? Why or why not?
Realistically, we can't expect universal acceptance, much as we need and deserve it. After all, we still haven't reached universal tolerance. If we wish to set realistic goals, we have to spread awareness and knowledge in order to build a more tolerant society. In an environment like that, we will have the chance to let ourselves be seen and appreciated for who we are, and more acceptance will spread.
But no, tolerance is not enough in the long run, if we truly aim to equality. It's an important step in the process, though.
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Do you feel understanding the LGBTQ+ community is important? Why or why not? If you feel understanding is important, what do you feel could or should be done to increase understanding?
Understanding is fundamental. Intolerance and prejudice stem from ignorance and diffidence towards the unknown. It's important to spread awareness so that people can get to know us and our experiences, grow more familiar with it, and realize that there's nothing wrong with it.
In order to do that, we should improve positive and realistic representation of LGBT+ people, give the community a platform to let our voices be heard, and promote a more inclusive education in families, school and all all educational environment, making sure that themes such as orientation and gender identity are discussed in an exhaustive and inclusive way.
@Aayla
It seems many of us know the bitterness and judgment that often go hand and hand with basic tolerance of LGBTQ+ people. Where things like equal treatment feel forced or not truly equal, and we long for the connection and inclusion that only comes with acceptance.
As you say, universal acceptance, or even universal tolerance are both likely unrealistic. I know when I think of having societal acceptance, I don’t think of the ideal but rather having the majority of people accepting and social attitudes and norms being accepting. I like how you point out that while tolerance may not be the ultimate goal, it may be a necessary stepping stone on the path toward acceptance. Universality may be unattainable, and there will likely always be room for improvement, but I’ll still work toward acceptance as the norm or “default.”
Like you point out discrimination, intolerance, judgment and hatred often stem from ignorance or a lack of understanding. Having more realistic representation can certainly go a long way to help grow better understanding.
As for more learning and education I would only worry about information overload if we try to teach everyone everything, but I do think that there is an optimal level of basic understanding that we have not yet reached or fully established.
Thank you for joining in and sharing your thoughts with us!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
