I wish I enjoyed sex
I've known I'm asexual for a long time, but it didn't really become a problem until recently since I just got married. I've never tried it with anyone else, and I know my husband hasn't either.
So far it's been okay, but it's not really comfortable. I know it's not going to be the easiest thing early on. But he always talks about how it feels really good for him, and it makes me upset that I don't feel the same way. He knows and has assured me that it's okay, and he loves me for me even if we don't have sex much. He wants to find things about it that I enjoy too, but I don't even know if I can enjoy it.
We've been married less than a month, and this is already very frustrating for me. I'm worried about how things are going to go later.
@BlueBetta
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. :\ It's good that your husband is supportive of you and is being patient with you, did he know you had the feeling of being asexual before you married?
Have you started to try new and different things yet, such as toys, positions etc. to see if something sparks your interest? Is there a possibility that something in your past may have distorted your perception of sex? If so, maybe speaking with a therapist about that could help to alter your view on it and see it as a positive thing.
Of course, if sex simply isn't your thing at all, you don't get anything out of it and you don't wish to ever do it, then it's something you should discuss with your husband as soon as you can. Don't do something you don't enjoy just to please him; he won't enjoy it much either if he thinks you don't like it!
@SilentSerenityy Thanks! He did know about it. I told him a couple years ago. We haven't tried any toys or different positions yet. I should look into that.
I don't think anything distorted my preception of sex really. Unless my parents just never talking about it counts. They didn't even really give us the talk when we were little. I've always just been kind of confused by sex and romantic relationships. I liked having a boyfriend once I was with him, but I avoided that until college because I didn't really understand it.
He knows I'm not really enjoying it right now, and he'd be willing to stop having sex together if I wanted to, but I want to try to work it out first.
Thanks for listening to me.
@BlueBetta
Having parents who are quite uptight about sex can make you grow up with this feeling that sex is wrong/bad and that it's taboo and shouldn't be spoken about, let alone done. That can impact you in your future sex life!
If trying new things (gently introduce them, in a safe, enjoyable, calm and consensual way) doesn't help you, then you should definitely check out a therapist or even a sex therapist for some guidance. If it's something you want to enjoy, for yourself, not for your husband, then that's the first stepping stone to hopefully, a more enjoyable sex life. Don't be afraid to get to know your own body, what helps you reach orgasm and what gets you in the mood. Sex isn't just about the male orgasm; you can take control and make it a more equal balance. Good luck!
