Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #3) The Detriments of Gossip

@Heather225

1. Why is gossiping bad?

I think of it as a deragatory way of ruining people's lives and reputation. When you gossip about someone, it will make you good about yourself for awhile, you feel like you're above anyone else and looking down on that person but if you continue doing it over and over and tell everyone how someone is ugly or does not have what it takes to be their best self and then this person finds out, it will slowly kill their self-esteem and they will feel like they're not good enough. Gossip usually stems from envy and jealousy, some people may say bad things about someone behind their back because they are envy and get jealous because that person has something/someone they don't have.

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

"I don't know the other person's perspective, so I prefer to not discuss what I think they were thinking or feeling in their absence."

Gossiping is wrong because it spreads lies about the individual and looks bad for everyone involved.

One thing I learned from the video was that you might never know the other persons perspective since the situation might look very different from their point of view.

@Heather225

Thank you for this wonderful post Heather! Although this wasn't part of the questions, I thought I would like to share a bit of my own reflection from the video. I thought there were many ironic statements in the video itself that I thought I would like to share. One of the main things the speaker struck me was that the speaker kept mentioning that if we do not gossip, people might like us better and put us in a positive light. And recently, there is a lot of topics about popularity and society's judgement, and from the video, I suppose the speaker slightly encourages us to not gossip partly because gossiping is bad and also partly because we want others to view us as a better person, which goes against the whole concept of not letting other's opinion to affect us (it's just a very odd observation I had ahaha). Also, personally, seeing gossiping happen is simply very heart-breaking and sad to see because as the speaker mentions the beginning, gossiping sometimes is a easy way to join a conversation and to relate to someone else, and seeing that gossiping is the only way to join the conversation, it's just very sad I suppose. and I 100% agree with the video that we don't know someone else's perspective and what they have been through, and we should never think that we do, judge them, or criticize/gossip about them. Putting that aside, there was a quote that really stood out to me "people will admire you for not doing it," and oh my, I suppose society comes to the point that we even admire someone for not doing something we should try avoiding :o Either way, here are my response to the questions:

1. Why is gossiping bad?

- It turns truths into lies. From every person to the next person, the story gets turned and turned into something that isn't real anymore, and these stories or "supposed truths" that are exaggerated at every turn is 100% not beneficial.

- It creates a society of mistrust. As the video mentions, when we are on the receiving end of gossip, we often would distrust the person because we never know if they would gossip about us in turn. With this whole mistrust and doubt, a community could easily turn unsupportive and unsafe as well.

- It hurts. For the person that is being gossiped about, it would be a horrible experience. There would be days they meet someone they never met, but that someone already knew a lot of gossip about them, and it would be like a stranger knowing and perceiving us as someone we are not. It would decrease of our trust, perhaps cause us to withdraw from the society that knows so much gossip about us, and there are so many other reasons it would hurt. Yet the people that are gossiped about are not the only ones that would hurt. People who are close to the person and see it happening; people who spreaded the rumour and see it ruin someone's life (are they happy with themselves?); people who did not even know the person and only feels odded out by the fact that they know about them without ever interacting with them; people and the community.

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

There are a lot of statements that the video brought up to stop gossiping. One of the main ones that is perhaps could be the easiest go to solution is to divert the topic onto another topic. I personally felt that complimenting the gossiper would be another way to divert the topic as well more effectively. Discussing about school, common activities, and a lot more are also awesome ways to stop gossiping.

1. Why is gossiping bad?

Gossiping takes away the chance of the person being talked about to give their side of the story, relieving them of the blame and malice. It is an unfair situation to be in since the person being talked about can never defend themselves from the blame that they are being put on.

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

I don't know the other person's perspective, so I prefer to not discuss what I think they were thinking or feeling in their absence.

@Heather225

Why is gossiping bad?

Gossiping is bad because it fosters for a toxic and judgemental environment

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

I can talk about the positive traits about the person who is being gossiped about

@Heather225

1. Why is gossiping bad?

Gossiping is bad because it is usually said with the intention of making someone look bad without their presence so the person cannot even react and defend themselves. It is not fair and furthermore it would also hurt the person to know about it.

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

I could say that I don

1.) Gossiping is bad as its common intention is to make that person who isn't present look bad so you can look good.

2.) I don't know the other person's perspective, so I prefer to not discuss what I think they were thinking or feeling in their absence.

Post – Gossip

1. Why is gossiping bad?

Gossip means making negative comments about a persons character, personal traits or habits or work in their absence. It is a type of passive aggressive abuse

Gossip is an obstruction of natural justice – because the person is not present at the time, they are obstructed both from hearing what is being said about them and also from their natural right to reply and defend themselves.

Gossip is a betrayal: of fellowship, camaraderie, loyalty and trust – both by the person who utters derogatory comments and by the person who listens to them and thus encourages and facilitates the betrayal.

Gossip always involves personal or subjective judgement – even if that judgement is positive, it is still a major intrusion and utterly negligent leadership to pretend that you are ever in a position to judge another persons character or ability or personal habits or to discuss whether their workplace efforts are deficient in a public forum and especially in their absence - whatever a gossiper is attempting to diminish or defame is none of your business to hear or contribute to or encourage a discussion about, whether your comments are positive or not, they are still massively unprofessional and not appropriate.

Gossip is unlawful in Australian workplaces, including volunteer workplaces, under the Fair Work Act of 2008 and before that was unlawful in anti-bullying codes of practice under state safety laws. Under both these sets of legislation, gossip is defined as a passive aggressive type of bullying. Currently penalties for workplace bullying can include fines of up to $1.4 million dollars for not only the organisation but also for individuals involved in gossip conversations. The reason that gossip is unlawful in Australia is because, like other types of workplace bullying, it has been proven in courts to have killed people.

2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

I dont like the idea to talk about the positive traits about the person who is being gossiped about – That would still involve talking about the person behind their back, which is a betrayal of that persons trust no matter what is said. Saying positive things doesnt stop the gossip and usually encourages more negative comments from the gossiper, and treats the gossip victim as if they are a subject of debate rather than a person with trust and feelings.

I also dont like the I could say that I don t know the other person s perspective so I prefer not to discuss what they were thinking or feeling in their absence because that implies that if I did happen to know the other persons perspective I would have a right to contribute to and therefore encourage the gossip to continue.

I dont mind the idea of changing the topic to a positive topic and let the other person know that you are not interested in gossip . . .

However, what I actually say to gossipers outside of a workplace is What did **** say when you told this / made this complaint to them? (i.e. instead of behind their back like a bully and a coward).

What I actually do if someone gossips about someone I know outside a workplace is phone them immediately and tell the gossip victim that I have someone named **** here and they just said …. about you. Then I give the gossiper the phone and let them explain their behaviour to their actual victim.

What I do if someone gossips in a workplace is tell them that the organisation has a complaint procedure, and that starts with making the complaint to the person they are complaining about, and if that doesnt work then there is a process to follow which certainly doesnt involve telling their complaint to me.

If I was working in a role supporting listeners and a listener complained to me that someone who was a member or listener at 7 Cups had hurt them so badly that it interfered with their volunteer work, I would ask them to use an assumed name while venting about what had happened, then afterward I would offer to assist them with providing access to follow an internal complaint procedure so that the situation could be formally addressed and resolved.

@Heather225

1. Why is gossiping bad? Misleading and encourage conflict.
2. List a statement you learned from this video to stop gossiping in the replies!

Avoid gossiping, don't talk about something that you don't have a whole perspective about. Stand up to point out gossiping and try to understand the point of view from both sides.

1. because people will forget all of the times they themselves have gossiped and focus on hurting you, if you're the chosen target of the time. trust me, if people find out you have gossiped, they will try to literally ruin your life. i've seen it happen to other girls, not just me. people are nasty and their egos are fragile -- especially people who haven't been bullied in the past. they think their names are untouchable.

2. gossiping will always exist, unfortunately. all people can do is try to be better and reflect on themselves before they scapegoat people. maybe if everyone got involved and was self-reflective, and their was an honest conversation, real things could actually be achieved. but that won't happen.