1-30-2k24+ Journal
I'm letting the last entry in my previous journal count for a functional obituary.
~ <miserable piece of Wednesday>
As I thought trying to put five relevant images up, screenshots of what recently upset me and trying to explain it wasn't feasible while using a phone.
As a distraction this video
https://youtu.be/EGIwcPA1_34?si=zVPct0lNW072hwHB
has redirected my attention to not dwell on something which is going to make me lose sleep in angst etc
~"Our relationship to the content is sometimes more important than the content itself since the content can be bunk at times" -- memory of words of a past counselor
Disappointing my mom and explaining my non-conviction for theism (or at the least recognizable enough Catholicism) is what worries me, not the details of my non-conviction for theism in and of itself.
"Sure bud", I can imagine someone saying with stupidly casual sarcasm =_=
Obnoxious a--hole whooping away with music on full blast living in the apartment beneath me who I think that most everybody on that floor is basically afraid of (=_= how much remorse do the reps have for even giving them a spot ?) + foul memories of the obnoxious ragging of an a-hole cliche who slept at the info desk for wasn't reluctant to go in chest-puffing with that idiotic chauvinistic stride ragging on me for being barefoot while doing yoga (my shoes were right next to me and actually trust myself to not break my own ankles since yoga is so controlled and slow, jacka-- !).
Human society collectively will be destroyed before we ever get the kind of consistent cross generational baseline competency that we badly need and will be one of the benchmarks of having achieved post-equity..
-_- '_' Something, something, is there like a phrase among mental health professionals for when you can't really blame a person for being so fixedly misanthropic ?.
The latter is a case of a indifferent cliche who is taking for granted how they are seeking control* of someone abusively and arbitrarily while the former is a cliche who x,y and z, maybe I'll add more to that later.
* that reminds me of this one time that my mom told me something after someone was just loudly saying stuff about her not doing well in driving through a certain parking lot to get to a certain street-- this is sort of thing which kind of sinks in more to you when it's coming from this one arbitrary person in an area which is not only reputedly grungy, but it's just so bizarre that among the few people who actually bother to appear there during those rare instances when you actually go for such an area, they say that kind of shlock with such immediacy
There's a part of me that feels like doing orangutan grumble sounds because of the smugness that I would immediately judge the face of the YouTuber on this thumbnail.. yet on the basis of the title of the video alone, it does sound the beneficially appealing: https://youtu.be/QBd8EU0HUxo?si=Z2JMruRuHYXNX3zm
When ppl bring up how 'cancel culture' seems to've outed a certain Looney Tunes character (who goodness knows I can understand if they've has been reformed somewhat at the least by not really having Penelope the cat near them too often)..a point which highlights the unsavoury negligence of consent or sense of entitlement to act with so much immediacy on impulses of infatuation..
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WesternAnimation/PepeLePew
- "Black Comedy Rape: Presumably not the intention of the character in his original incarnation, which was to parody romantic comedies, but this trope is a common interpretation of Pepé's cartoonishly extreme womanizing, albeit a light example. Although according to some sources, [Chuck] Jones apparently claimed that Pepé was a Stealth Insult to a particularly creepy Warner Exec in the 50's whose secretaries kept quitting because he was way too handsy, meaning that this was completely intentional."
Speaking from experience, the amount of nonsense which occurs around computer use areas at library it makes me wonder if it'd incentivize a return for Internet cafes.
Maybe I've said of such things before ?
The gulf of outcomes of attitudes which grew out of a development of patience which grew out of a comfortable and leisurely choice rather than choicelessness is vast.
Better canned chickpeas than tofu forthgoing since tannic acid does my teeth 'dirty'.
I could see the old 'Elephantmen' comics being animated and adapted in the designs of Invincible or Critical roll.
In this world of streaming productions where do 'mockbusters' and Asylum films fit in, in contrast to the 2010's ?.
Apathy is a deaf ouroboros running away from it's own tail, too incompetent to keep a promise to commit to feeding itself.
I'm here in part because I would rather be here than to become hooked again with Reddit, I'm here in part despite how a part of me would rather be on another website.
I'm here despite my pornography inclinations still lingering not knowing if it would be too forceful to look up stuff about self-improvement and self-compassion if a part of me would want to be defiant, rebel or do some kind of self-sabotaging or self-harm reverse psychology to myself in going on tiresome pornography again.
I'm here not knowing what I'm going to do next because of how tired I am in a sense always loaded with chores to do yet never, almost never unless it is specifically exhausting, almost never weary enough to sleep.
It is it still futility if you know what you need to do but does sheer amount is never enjoyable even if the routine is familiar and you are well understanding of the unpleasant factors ?.
I just want attention from an attractive woman and an assurance that the feeling of finding someone appealing is mutual even if for barely several hours.
--boil water for tea ?
--nap, exercise, start returning to my apartment ?
