my space
hmmm, my thread is gone, idk why., did i do something wrong?
it's been quite the up and down day, got quite bad for a while, but doing alright right now, actually. i feel proud of myself for making it through another year, another impossible. 💙💙💙
i did it, another year, another birthday 💙 almost 6 months clean. and i'm doing alright right now, surprising as it may be.
hope everybody is doing well, i wish you all the best 💙 friendly reminder that you're enough. you don't have to be everybody's everything 💙
@ahhhhelpimalive Congratulations! 💙 and Happy belated Birthday!
heyo, my forum thread! it's been a few days
i've actually been doing okay, surprisingly. i've had good times. sure, the nights are never amazing, i still don't feel fully alright, but i have times when i feel truly happy.
new interest, psychology. looking into the history of it, as well as more recent books. on discord more now, it's taking over my life a little, but at least i'm not reaching out to anybody who i know will hurt me.
speakers, can't believe i'm older, sugar cookies and bean bag chair
well wishes to all of you!
@ahhhhelpimalive Hey 💙 just wanted to pop in and let you know you're in someone's thoughts today. I hope you're doing ok
Happy New Year - soon lol
@mytwistedsoul
Happy new year to you too! Well wishes <3 You're awesome, try not to forget that
I hope that the new year goes alright, you deserve to feel okay
@ahhhhelpimalive Thank you :) Stay awesome 💙
Hey all <3
Happy new year to everybody, congrats on making it through the year, no matter the odds! Hugs and love to everyone, I'm so so glad to know you
Short post only, I'll probably add more some other time!
@amusingCoconut
@Ferventflame
@Bluelove13
@navyHouse3677
@jv13076
I'd tag others but ahhh my memory isn't always great but that's fineeeeeeeee
To you too, Twisted, but I know you'll see this anyways, no need to tag you! <3
@ahhhhelpimalive
Happy new year 🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊
To you as well alive 💜💜💜💜
You can see my frewundo list for a bit help alive 💜💜💜💜💜💜
@navyHouse3677
Thank you so much navyyyyyy! Don't remember if you're in my bio but you deserve to be there <3
And hey, you're not worth nothing, I appreciate having you and you matter as well, not just others on cups. e v e r y b o d y here matters, not just some people. Even the people who say rude things, they matter, but their actions aren't really welcome. You're very appreciated and it's nice to have you around, you're always so kind to others, but remember to try and be kind to yourself as well
I just want somebody. One person. One person who i can show my everythinf, feel like myself with, show all my bad parts, how angry, how hateful, how disgusting i can be, but still stick with me no matter what. I just want a friend who i can be myself with. i know that there are so many people out there, but it seems as if i cant ever open up. i dont know if its my own self or not, but i feel so alone. i know you all might care about me, but you care about the me who you see. I am not a good person. (Im not a bad person either, nobody is bad, but im not good). Im angry all the time. I want to hurt others someetimes. Ive hurt others. Ive hurt myself. I have done so many things i regret. and i feel like i cant show that to anybody without them being horrified and leaving. "nonono why would you say something like that, they dont deserve to be hurt" ive tried a few times to open up to favorite people, its always gone badly, so i instinctively hide away now and ahhhhh dgjsthsthsrhsh i cant really think i cant feel enough right now, theres a gap, im empty. anyways i should s l e e p, dont mind this shitshow of a post
@ahhhhelpimalive
❤️
I know I am assuming because as you said we only know some of you which is true. Alive I have done some despicable things as well (Most of us have although they might be not the same level but we all do and learn) and I think you trying to be a better person and changing makes the difference. I won’t be disgusted or judge you alive. I like you for you. And I have a lot of affection for you as we get to know more of each other. Our past isn’t us exactly. The process may shape us how we are, still. I will accept you no matter what :) not exaggerating plus you are easy to love hah very caring and love your spirit of keep trying.
Sending you so much love and you are worthy of it ❤️
Hope you find some peace within yourself sweet, you deserve that.
And belated happy new year, to new beginnings and trying all over again.
@ferventflame
Ahh I didn’t mean to say it as you need to share with us, just yeah be easier on yourself ❤️ And there are people out there who will accept you for you too. I understand wanting a friend like that too.
@ferventflame
thank you so so much for the reply flamsie, ill take time to read and reply soon, just going out for a runnn on this cold and rainy morning! hugs and hearts to you, happy new year!
@ahhhhelpimalive
oof envious of the cold run :D enjoy! 🤍❄️
Shares the love and hearts with you
@ferventflame
Hehe, I can share picturessssss if you want, it was quite pretty! But also slushy, very much so <3<3<3
tada! 
there we go
tw// (gore? idk what to call it)
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there are spiders in my throat. i know this. i can feel them, crawling up and down. they rest in my chest, make webs in my throat, i keep choking. they are disgusting. im so scared. some keep crawling out, they surround me. have they left? or are they biting me? and they eating me alive, from the inside out? or do they just show how disgusting i am, as i rip my life apart, piece by piece?
instead of helping myself, i help othwrs. i felw so lost in this. this isnt me. I need it to stop. Mh head hirts so much. Im trapped. Again and again and again. Im lost. I dont know who i am. This isnt me. Help. Tgis isnt me. im so tired, but i know ill get up again. again and again and again. by myself. and thats akright its how its always been. i know there are people, andnthose people are so so so awesome, but if i have to reassure another person i will lose it.
(also forum friends this discludes you y'all are amazing as well and thank you for being patient with me, this is a soace to open up, so if anybody ever wants it, feel free to. youre safe here. here, i reply when i want to, when i chose to, not just because i feel obliged to 💙)
