my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times
The title explains itself.
If you're interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged man with chronic conditions who, at times, sees things a little too clearly for his own good, then read on.
Sometimes I get political, but it won't be all the time.
I don't mind comments in general but if you're going to differ with what I write, that's fine--as long as you can explain your position clearly & reasonably. Rants, shouting & general incoherence will be ignored or flagged, depending on the situation. Try to remember that not everyone else in this world holds your beliefs.
Every so often I may post art or snapshots of projects I'm working on.
If you're still interested after reading all the above, great. (I do wonder at how much time you have on your hands, though)
Today I am in a sufficient level of melancholia, such that I did another poem. You can read it here, if you're interested.
There are nightmares, & then there are dreams full of meaning you can't decipher right away...sometimes not at all. Tonight's dream started as the former & wound up as the latter.
Then I woke up into the usual...this. But with slight pain in my hips. Had that last night, too.
I can't remember the last time my father appeared in my dreams, if ever. I don't remember what he said. And he's been dead for about 20 years now.
In the last part of the dream all I wanted was to get back home...but it was a dream. You can't go home again. Because everything changes, always.
Except inside my head, where the same tune plays...a simple guitar refrain, sounding old as the hills.
I was going to make some lasagna tonight. Forget it...too tired. Forget it. The cooking can wait a couple days, or three.
Also, Steven Zapata is my homeboy. (Click on his name to see why I say that)
@slowdecline48 I haven't listened to the whole thing - probably about half of it but he really has a lot of good points and I've noticed a few things he talked about that I've been coming across
Sunday was a full day...a good one all in all, but full. I went to a pottery class at an art gallery/antiques place in a part of town I never went to before. Made three little things, two of which would be fine to post here after they've been fired. The 3rd one...maybe. I dunno.
After that I had dinner. Got home a bit late. Spent Monday recovering from it all. Now it's early Tuesday morning, I have a slight headache & I'm hungry. This goes the life of a crippled artist/craftsman with an inability to focus for extended periods. 😜
@slowdecline48 That does sound like a good day! It's cool you went to a pottery class - have you done pottery before?
@mytwistedsoul I did, in middle school & high school...an eon ago. 😄 I tried for a class when I lived in Austin but had to leave for some reason. I don't recall exactly why but it was probably health-related.
What I discovered this past Sunday is that while I can make passable vessels by "hand-building" techniques, I can't use a potter's wheel at all. 😂
As for focus, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. Am hoping I can still achieve greatness of some kind in the few years of people productivity I have left.
"Terrorism. Military conflicts. Rogue regimes pursuing nuclear weapons. A collapsing state here and there...A one-party state in China nervous about signs of unrest. Massive leaks of secret American documents. One can detect--just barely, mind you--a hidden creaking of worn-out structures behind such turbulence. That which is increasingly feeble has throughout history provided a semblance of form and stability to world affairs, even as the very idea of it has been hated: I am talking about empires."
- Robert D. Kaplan, Monsoon: The Indian Ocean and the Future of American Power (2010)
Have had it up to here with apartment life.
I may well find an alternative mode of living this year...if things play out as I'd like them to, if my efforts make it so.
It would be tough for the first two years at least, maybe three. But if I can maintain focus & endure, it all might work.
All I want is a place of my own, where I can do my projects without being bothered by anyone...where I can grow old & d!e. (One of my ideas involves building a sarcophagus for myself. Yes, I know it's weird)
This will probably demand much of me...I may not update this blog all that often. We shall see.
@slowdecline48 Hey good luck with all you work towards! I hope you post a few pictures of how things turn out. I am really curious about this sarcophagus!
Not-so-random thoughts:
The West dominated the rest of the world for roughly five centuries, first as European colonial powers & then as the United States. From what I've read since 2010 & what I've seen since '01, I wonder: was that just a blip?
The first true empires were in the Near East, after all...Assyria, Egypt, Persia. Then there's China...it's in a class of its own.
But technology has changed everything, especially since the mid-90's. The next great power will probably be in the east, but the one after that may not be limited to a particular territory.
...my crystal ball is quite murky.
Also: posted more chicken scratch at the bottom of the page, here (the other journal).
I have an appointment at 11 in the godd**n morning, came home tired as h€ll & right now I still can't sleep. 🤦🏼♂️
Christ & Moses in a minivan, this is f***ing ridiculous.
At times like this, I truly hate my body. Am starting to loathe it...a crippled, useless bag of meat, bones & fat. Why hasn't some scientist figured out how to build a cybernetic body that can support a human brain? I'm willing to volunteer for experimental trials. If one is about to start somewhere, sign me up.
...think I'll have to use chemical assistance this time. Hope I'm still good enough to do what I need to when the time comes. I don't want to reschedule, because time is of the essence.
Edit: Got a text from the guy I was gonna meet with, asking me to hold off on that because he needs to gather more info...after my struggle with trying to get some sleep before the alarm I set went off at 9 this morning.
I did finally pull it off, even though my sleep was broken. I went through all that just to read the text from D., a few minutes ago.
Right now one of the maintenance workers is riding around on a mower outside....
I should be p1ssed off, but for some reason I'm amused instead. Guess it's because this life is absurd. 😄
Even so, it is a struggle when you are a night person living in a world run by day people.
Fave comments for today:
I agree. The bullish trend cannot keep going no matter what.
[CW: current events, "adult subjects]
The above may depend on the outcome of Trump's remaining trials.
Also, while I am no fan of his & am unsurprised at his getting caught for something, the New York trial seems like a farce...more about humiliating the old man than anything else. NYC is famously Lib-Dem while Trump has been Republican since his run in 2016. While the situation re Stormy Daniels is distasteful, it's hardly worse than what a percentage of CEOs do during any given week. More generally, Trumpeldor is hardly the first man to order up a tryst...prostitution has been called the world's oldest profession for a reason.
