my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times

Tonight I'm tired again, because I started three little plastic (polyclay) projects & worked on the one I began the day before yesterday...am planning on finishing them this week.

I haven't decided whether to post pics here or in my gallery in the online art community I've been with for a while now...will probably post them here, but I don't know yet. Photos will not go to both places at once because I like to keep my life compartmented--especially, when it has anything to do with the Net--& the same posts in both places would make it easier for people here to find my gallery. Or for people in the art community to find my account here. Neither of which is desirable.

...my elbow is gonna be a b***h tomorrow...if my Meniére's flares up too, I won't be surprised. The chronic life stinks.

@slowdecline48 yes chronic life does stink.. Especially with your IBS 😁😁😁😁😁

*🍑💨 in your direction* BWORRPPP

Sleep-deprived Edit: Most likely I will finish two of them this week. Getting all four done is probably unrealistic...would someone please come to my place & render me unconscious. A few solid hours of sleep...that's what I need.

@slowdecline48 don't worry I'm coming 🔨🔨 I'll help you go to sleep 🔨

Waitaminnit, aren't you supposed to spread love & happiness everywhere? You once said you were into that...now you're telling me you're gonna bash my head in! 😜 ...if this is your idea of love, then I don't want to know what you're like when you hate somebody. 🤨

@slowdecline48 this is definitely spreading love😁 I'm just helping you sleep ❤❤ and I'm a Angel😇 I don't hate anyone. Except for about 24 people😇

@slowdecline48 I love this post and your hobby post ❤❤❤

(CW: MY UNFILTERED THOUGHTS)

...every so often, I feel lonely.

This never used to happen to me, until around three years ago. But by now it's too late.

You can reel off "it's never too late to find love" & other soft soap but that's not reality. You know it; I know it; everyone knows it.

The trouble is I'm past my sell-by date, & disabled/chronic on top of that. Not too attractive a package overall. I'm fairly bright & basically a decent man (I hope) but I have little patience for people's foibles & flaws, & am easily irritated. The other problem is at my age, the pickings are slim &--it's not nice to say, but it's the truth--they're not great overall. Most single women in my demographic have been through at least one marriage & divorce. Those who've been through two are hauling a couple hundred lbs. of baggage into any relationship they enter into...I don't need the hassle. Those who've been through three or more, well, that is a red flag the size of Batman's cape. It's as true of men as of women, too. If you meet someone who's been married & divorced 3+ times, something is seriously f**ked up about that person. There are no exceptions to the rule.

The time to find a mate is when you are young, healthy & fertile. Usually that is during one's late teens through the 20's. By 30 you're running out the clock; by 35 the only way you'll find someone is if you are fantastically rich &/or good-looking. By 40 not even that will help, unless your surname is Gates, Soros, Bezos or Biden, perhaps...even then, if you get a younger one then she is obviously being with you for the financial benefits alone.

If I want a woman then I want one who wants to be with me...not some tart who leases her p**sy to me for more money than it's worth & couldn't care less otherwise. No clam is worth that much, I don't care how sweet it is or how well she can use it. Ditto for any other parts of her anatomy. Besides, beauty fades. Real character does not.

But character is hard to find even in the best of conditions. My situation is nowhere near that.

It would be nice to find someone...she doesn't have to be a prizewinner of any kind. I only require some basic decency & that she use her head for more than a hairstyle mannequin; aside from that, any other good traits are icing on the cake. But most likely I will grow old & die alone. I hope that is not my fate but, realistically, it probably is.

I have other thoughts but right now it's too late/early to type them all out. They can wait.

@slowdecline48😥😥😥😥😥 aww sweetie that's really 😢😢 I'm so sorry your feeling lonely. I know absolutely nothing about relationships, but what about a dating site?? And you know you can't beat the love and companionship of a pet ❤❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11 I was on Match.c0m for a while in the early 2000's. Didn't have any luck. I kept meeting women who were strange in some way...psych issues, etc. (Admittedly, considering my personality that shouldn't have been a surprise) 😂

Dunno about sites these days, but I'm not a fan of dating apps like ***, Bumble, etc. Some people have met their life partners through them, sure. Even so, the real purpose of those apps is to extract money from lonely people, not to bring people together. The gender ratio on the apps is something like 7:1 M-to-F so the odds aren't good for men already. Also fake profiles, bots & scam artists are ubiquitous on dating apps. There are other more serious issues with online singles scenes in general but I won't go into them here...this post is a text wall already.

@slowdecline48 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 blow up doll it is then😂😂😂 I'm sorry sweetie ignore my joke. I don't know what to say to comfort you best, I like being single. I'm never going to date. What about a pet, I know you probably can't take care of a big pet any more, but might be something worth thinking about. And remember you are loved on here ❤ I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11 What? You're not even going to date any of the guys in the care home? Surely there's some nice old gentleman there who can pull out the chair for you to sit down...whoops, sorry. 😏

To *** with blow-up dolls. I'm waiting for the right advances in robotics & flesh-like silicone....I may not necessarily live to see the day, but your generation might. When sexbots become commercially feasible, modern civilization will be tipped over on its collective ear! How will society handle it when 25% of the population (or more!) gives up on dating, marriage, all of it, & buys robots to f**k & clean house instead??...an interesting question, indeed.

@slowdecline48 you know I live in a old folks nursing home, all theese people are 3 times my age😂😂😂😂😂 and nope I'm anti-sex, and I like being a loner😁 wow! Sexbots😮😮 I hope my generation doesn't live to see the day either😮😮😮 I hope no generation ever does. I hope you soon get over this weird tw) don't read if easily offended.  I hope we get passed this weird furry, this them what's stage, and the world becomes normal again. wow! You've turned me in to a whining old fashioned woman😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I blame you for this😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@slowdecline48 oh I just got your joke😂😂😂😂😂😂 pull out a chair for me to sit on😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 nice! Old man dec😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Tinywhisper11 This idea is new to you, isn't it?

It's not a new idea per se, Lo'. 😏

"There are so many ways the future might play out. Maybe we'll have flying cars, but maybe we won't. Maybe we'll live on Mars, but, heck, who knows.

But one thing is pretty clearly going to happen: we're gonna be banging robots." - from the article--which came out in 2018. Think about that for a moment.

I'm kinda pro-sexbot, incidentally. As someone with misanthropic tendencies who has serious problems trusting other people, a soft-bodied robot that can do all the necessary things would be right up my alley...I realize there will be unforeseen effects, though.

Ain't this interesting...the genetics research/discover-your-ethnic-background firm 23andMe is the only company I know of to have risen & fallen twice. It's in its second fall right now.

(CW: SURVEILLANCE TOPIC, MY PESSIMISM)

Also: a company invented a new kind of low-flying satellite that can zoom in om individual people instead of just crowds. It's the latest indication that privacy is not just dead but stinking & rotting...& that in the United States of Incompetence, the 4th Amendment is a useless, shriveled husk of what it once was.

It's no surprise, really. A major part of the tech revolution has been the evolution at breakneck speed of, & the ongoing spread of, surveillance tools & abilities. It ain't just Big Brother anymore: the Supreme Court has long ruled that property rights trump privacy rights....that's why corporations can track everything their employees do, why info about customers/users is gathered bought & sold, & why everyone has a phone with a camera in it. Today's corporate behemoths are "Big Brothers" themselves, & any enthusiastic user of his phone camera is a "little brother". In short...

Privacy Is Dead.

@slowdecline48 privacy is dead😱 that's probably a really bad thing for other people. But I coulda done with that sort of technology growing up. But then I would imagine they will turn a blind eye to certain things. And yep! Sexbots is a new thing to me, I've had to learn so much there's past few years, I haven't gotten around to that yet, and I do kinda choose the things I want to learn. Like I said before I like to live in my own little bubble. Sites to find out about your etnic background, I've heard of sites like that to find out about your ancestors, have you ever done it??? I'm sure I'm from a long line of pirates and witches.

gives you a giant tiny hug ❤

Re: "what's a waffle house?"

This is for you, @Tinywhisper11...

Waffle House is a chain of restaurants in the United States, mostly in the South & Midwest. A Waffle House restaurant is...special. Unique. There is nothing else like it in the rest of the world. Not because of the food--the food is mediocre to bad* in many of them. It's because they're open 24-7 even when there's a hurricane or tornado warning**, because it's the only cheap place where the food is cooked to order instead of pre-packaged, but mostly because of the entertainment! 😁 It's rarely ever boring at a Waffle House because the characters who go to one, especially at night--myself included--are, when assembled, a group of people you will never encounter anywhere else. It is truly one of the best places in the world for people-watching. Sometimes it gets loud in there, especially during the lunch or dinner rush...I avoid that. It's during the calmer hours that things get interesting. 😆 You can find little micro-communities in Waffle Houses; they're usually the regular customers plus the waitresses & the cook. (Full disclosure: I am a regular of the one near me.) A Waffle House can sometimes be chaotic or even a bit dangerous, depending on who's working or eating in one. But usually it's either ordinary or hilarious. I've never gotten in trouble inside a Waffle House myself, certainly not in the one nearby. I love it there. It's a nice place to sketch people &, of course, to watch them during the inevitable floor show.

*unless the place is in the middle of a ghetto. The worse the surrounding area, the better the food at the Waffle House. It's like a law of nature.

**Seriously, they never close. See the index below.

LINKS

the corporate site

man steals woman's bacon at WH

Waffle House Index (yes, really)

WH info on Mashed

Plus, my online review/breakdown:

I didn't make any of that up, btw. All incidents listed have occurred at least once; the banter & tomfoolery happens on a regular basis.

@slowdecline48 sounds entertaining😂😂😂😂😂 if we had them in the uk, and I started going outside the care home, I would definitely be a regular too😁 I might be the trouble maker though😁😂😂😂😂 thanks for explaining ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤

So my upcoming appointment is at--Moses in a d**n Cadillac!--10 a.m. Ten in the freakin' morning! Next morning, in fact...which is a few hours from now. 🤦🏼‍♂️

I do not do well with morning appointments. The people I meet will have to understand that.

Still gotta write out the meds list. That'll only take a minute...how in Hades am I supposed to sleep right now?? This is ridiculous.

@slowdecline48 😂😂😂😂 not a morning person hey😂😂😂😂😂 good luck doctors, nurses and receptionist😂😂😂😂😂😂 and good luck to you too ❤❤ let me know how it went. 

Hope you get what you need to be able to sleep well. I don’t love mornings however I feel more productive if I get up and get things done.

Did you get back to sleep? Hope it resolves soon …. 😴😴💤💤🛌🛌😴😴💤💤🛌🛌

I have an electric blanket and when I cannot sleep no covers freeze lol 😂 then put the blankets back on that usually works for me in menopause lol 😂 or stick one foot out hahaha 😂

@SunShineAlwaysGrateful @Tinywhisper11

Finally got a chance to sleep this afternoon. As usual, it was way easier to nod off than it was last night. I've always been that way...a night person, living in a world of day people. 😤

The appointment wasn't bad. First time I ever met a physical therapist, & now I have exercises to do every day. Good thing they're not physically taxing or it would be impossible. Apparently, they're for retraining my forearm muscles (or the nerves within them) instead of growth. But then, only young guys get buff. 😂

@slowdecline48 that's good news ❤ and yay! Glad you got some sleep ❤❤❤ I just woke up, I'll  be more talkative after coffee ❤❤

Well as we age we need to sort the things we need to do. Glad the apt went well. Who says only young guys get buff ?! You are only a spring chicken just saying lol 😂 💪💪💪💪

A "spring chicken" at 48 with chronic conditions?... 😒 Hardy har har. Have you forgotten the thread about aging? That was last year. I posted a five-paragraph rant about why I hate it so.

More than once I've heard someone say after looking at my drawings/ink paintings that (s)he wishes (s)he could do what I do...but people who say that forget (or don't understand) a basic fact of life:

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

Meaning this: no matter what you want or what you do, you will pay a price. It may be in money, sweat, blood, tears, sanity, or opportunities for better futures you let slip by. If you have the desire to be an artist, most likely the price will be several of the foregoing.

You can be a creator if you're born with raw talent. It's your choice as to whether you develop that talent if you have enough of it to begin with. If you set foot on that path, fine...but you will pay the price. Don't ever think you won't. Take my word for it: you will pay. And the price will be steeper than you think.

"It ain't all flowers, sometimes you gotta feel the thorns

But when you play with the devil you know you're gonna get the horns"

- Sturgill Simpson

@slowdecline48 I guess that's true of just about everyone's dreams of making a life out of their talents. Those who fail always say chasing your dreams is a waste of your life. But I think is it a wasted life if you've perfected your talent, the thing you love to do most in the world. And instead of sweating in a job you hate, you've been out there chasing your dreams. Make it or not you had fun trying ❤❤ I know people need to make money in order to live, I've never had to do that so it's a world I don't understand much about. But when you look back or tell your grandchild, wasting away in a dead end job or reaching for the stars. I think reaching for the stars sounds the better choice ❤❤ did you do your exercises today??

Not yet, Lo...thanks for the reminder. I'll do 'em when I get up (am laying down atm). There is one problem: two of the exercises require a small weight which I don't have...probably a 4-lb. dumbbell. It might sound pretty light but apparently the exercises are for retraining my forearm muscles, not for making them grow. In the rehab center I tried a 2-pounder; that didn't do anything. Nothing I have at home works because everything I have is too heavy, too light, or doesn't have a proper handle...

Needing to buy something for medical purposes is annoying.

@Tinywhisper11 There is something I didn't mention in that post: even when I was a freelance illustrator & when I was a vendor of my art prints, I had a few different jobs to get by. Didn't hate most of them--one was terrible; I didn't stay too long in that one--but all the same, I did them for the money, not for anything else. This is true of almost everyone who starts out following a dream: illustrators, graphic designers, musicians, etc...actors, certainly. Most of them don't make it, especially musicians & actors. For every movie star in Hollywood, there are tens of thousands of also-rans doing what they have to to pay the bills & never getting that big break.

All of the above is true of me.

If I had to do it all over again, yes...I would still be an artist. But I would not try to make a living at it. Economically speaking, it doesn't make sense for most of us.

Another thing: technology has changed the game, especially in the last two years. Look at those AI "art generator" programs now, like Midjourney & Dall-E. They can do what any illustrator or graphic designer does...in less than a second. For far less money. All you gotta do is type a few text prompts into a box on the screen & click "Enter" or something like that, & presto: you get a picture. You pay a monthly subscription to use the thing, but it's less than the typical commissions for artists of 25 years ago. Today's freelancers are all obsolete...the only difference is some of them don't understand it yet. They will in a few years, when all the design & illustration jobs are gone. You can read more about it here. (Yes, it's a safe link)

@slowdecline48 that is really stupid😮😮😮😮 I mean you don't need any talent, you don't draw any of it😮😮😮 I knew about this but I thought you had to draw and design it yourself vat least. Well sweetie it's all changing, but at least when you were chasing your dreams you had a shot of it back then. But yeah! Theese days I guess talents/hobbies, should be just for fun mostly. I love doing art and craft, but just for fun I enjoy doing it, I'm pretty sure you love doing it too ❤❤

aaarrrrrggghh there goes my head again...

I hate flareups. Truly.

....now I gotta lie down again...

"FML", as the kids used to say.

@slowdecline48 gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I hope you feel better after a rest ❤❤

@slowdecline48

i live with chronic pain I understand totally. Hope it resolves and you stay comfortable … 

@SunShineAlwaysGrateful gives sunny a giant huggggg ❤❤

This calls for another s***ty haiku:

Pain in head, elbow,

Lower back, dizzy, depressed:

Life in a nutshell.

@slowdecline48 I don't know what haiku means??? But if it's about life in a nutshell I got one too😁

" Man with hope in his pocket,

feels c0cky all day,

life through a hole " 😎😎😎😎😎😎😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂