i wish for too much, dont I?
i wish i didnt feel pity for myself anymore,
i wish i didnt have these suicidal thoughts anymore,
i wish i had some friends and i wasnt so lonely anymore,
i wish i was good at something in life so i could get a little bit of praise,
i wish i had some choclate to fill me with dopamine whenever i wanted,
i wish the monster inside me decided to leave and never come back,
i wish i wasnt left alone with my thoughts,
i wish i could be hugged right now,
i wish i had a pet
and to everyone who wasted their time reading this im terribly sorry, i wish i could give you the past few minutes back
@fearlessOak2441
No need to apologise :) Nope there isn't too much - we all wish and dream for better. Most (if not all) of your wishes are achievable.
- Most people feel pitiful of themselves now and again, it's not abnormal nor something to be ashamed of
- Suicidal thoughts are horrible to experience, and we understand that at 7 Cups *hugs*. But we also understand that we have our limitations, so these helplines can support you better with this: 1-800-273-8255 www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.htmlwww.metanoia.org/suicide/ text "Start" to 741-741. You can also chat to someone here on these websites online imalive.org / crisischat.org or yourlifeiowa.org or crisischat.squarespace.com/
- You're part of the 7 Cups family! You've always got us! *hugs*
- You can be good at something - try some new things or improve on old things. Here's some suggestions - baking, cooking, sport, meditation, art, photography, throwing some popcorn into the air and catching it in your mouth etc. (honestly, the last one is really tough! 
)
- Ooo chocolate! Here's some virtual chocolate *gives chocolate*
- I wish the monster left you too! I hope it does one day :)
- Try and distract yourself from them, maybe through the group support rooms, or maybe through family, hobbies, etc.
- *big hugs*
- Hopefully one day you'll get a pet, if not now, then maybe in the future :)
I certainly didn't find your post a waste of time, and I hope you enjoy the few minutes it may take you to read this 
@SilverWaterfall
That helps me so much, im going to try find a new hobby – give cooking, baking, photography, meditations and popcorn catching for sure J. Next time I have any such thoughts ill try talking to someone on any of those websites. I love 7cups everyone here has helped me so much!
Thank you for the chocolate, I won
@fearlessOak2441
I'm glad I managed to help you and that you enjoyed reading it :) And I hope that you enjoy trying out some hobbies, and have an amazing birthday! 
@fearlessOak2441 I wish I could give you that hug and help you feel better! I'm sorry you are going through such a hard to right now. I care about you and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. I know life can be hard and can make you feel like you're all alone, I'm sorry, I've been there too. All I can say is there are a lot of people here on this site that care and I am one of them! I'm glad I read your post and it wasn't a waste of my time! As a matter of fact, I think you are a good writer! I want you to know that I am proud of you for having the courage to write how you're feeling and for reaching out to the community for help, love and support! Have you tried reaching out to your family lately to tell them how you are feeling? I wish for you to feel better and see we care and are here for you! Tons of hugs!💞⭐️
@musicalMagic Could you tell me what you did when you were alone, to make you feel less lonely? Im glad i found this site too, it has helped me to calm down so many times before, thank you ive considered writing as a hobby and i think i can write okay but all i've tried to write about are themes of love and themes of death, neither of which help me feel any better. Maybe ill try writing about something else like a sunrise or droplets of water :) . I told my mom once that I had been very low for a few days and she tried to help me but she is going through a lot right now as well so im not comfortable with adding onto her problems. thank you, with the help of 7cups i notice tiny changes in me that make a massive impact on my daily life and i see myself slowly becoming better :D
I wish you don't feel that way anymore either, and I am giving you a big hug, here's to hoping that things change.
You are not a monster.
Do I need to go to the doctors if I've had my first suicidal thought?