in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-G5Wv7rLQCY&pp=ygUbeHh4dGVudGFjdGlvbnh4eCBsYXN0IHZpZGVv}  

_{my whole fyp is all just. death. related. but not the point.}

_{It was just a dream.}

_{my dad went out with his friend or sumthing.}

_{I was forced to go out with him today :’)}

_{It was just such a miserable day. lol. but I kept smiling at this one persun every time they looked at me and they’d smile back each time :3}

_{and it wasn’t like a. "mmhyeahhehehha🙂👀😒" smile-}

…

but I mean like it was a genuine smile :’) same energy and everything.

_{why does everyone only ever smile like that first one tho.-}

_{Idk how to explain my smile-}

_{i just searched up different smiles on images- there were like over 100 with different types and angles and everything. i feel like my smile isn’t an existing smile-}

_{It’s not like freaky or anything. Idk. I used to smile really widely and-} 

howd this topic start-

_{a listener just messaged me☠️I got on the que months ago. even then I didn’t plan on getting a listener or getting better- I just. honestly I just felt like it. I tried proving myself even wronger by trying in the first place.}

………………………………………………………….

I’m actually just gonna get off teenie text for a second. 

okay. 

"Home- YouTube" I’m already signed in so when I go on the website I don’t need to again since my account is verified with my email. 

first video-

………………………………………..

I was gonna put the name of the video but i don’t want anyone searching it up. 

first video. 

30M+ views. 

I’m not even gonna quote the comments. I’m just tired.

_{I’m gonna go for today.} 

_byby<3

_{today is over. It’s 2am. :>}

_{It’s genuinely so dark around me.}

_{I’m scared but I’m not. but. It’s so dark. just- pitch black.} 

_{ofc that little noise while you’re in a vulnerable place just :’)} 

_{the ac is loud but. It’s so quiet.}

_{It’s so. empty.}

_{the thought of tomorrow just really *** kills me right now :’)}

_tw.

_{Im so sick I can’t breathe. I’m vomiting blood.- I’m so weak it takes so much to move. it’s not a damn excuse. I can’t take it anymore.}

_{my dads not even home yet.}

_tw.

_{I hope I get jumped.}

_{sum people on here think I’m 14. becos newbie me didn’t think tcr was actually tcr and that it had older people to- I know this’ll sound stereotypical- but newbie me got told by sumone in tcr that they weren’t great becos their baby was idk sick I think- and- I didn’t know yu could be a teen mom☠️like. I didn’t think it was possible-}

but I just felt pressured when sumone asked for my age first :’) idk. sum people prefer friends thatre closer to their age and i felt bad. 

I haven’t told anyone my age at all tho since along time. which :P everyone knows I’m barely 13 :P

_{my aunt said people my age only cry for 2 reasons.} 

_{you either got in a fight with a friend(/fallout)}

_{or you got a bad grade.}

_{2:22am lmao-}

_{dads back gotta go-}

_6am.

_{7:14- I have to leave in 6 minutes :’)}

_4minutes.

_{in break.}

_{the girls absent- I wanna ask her if she’s okay but my messages or anything here are connected to my dads device :’)}

_{I saw a really really really really really adorable baby in the elavator :3 and his mom was there and she seems so sweet. and she asked me which floor I wanted to go to since the baby was blocking the buttons then she repeated it to the baby and the baby} 

 _{IN ARABIC IT WASNT ACTUALLY BREAK-}

_{I’m 15 minutes late🐛🐛🐛🐛}

_{do you ever reach that point in your life where you realize it doesn’t actually matter.}

_{but ofc after than incident happened everyone has to act like they care. this arabic teacher just stood next to me while I opened the door as if I was caught or sumthing. then she said sumthing like "see Ms (her name) here’s another one why’re you late?😇" "I was-" "no you just spend 10 minutes in the bathroom then come to class yeah?😇" like bro we’re not all the exact same-}

_{this was the first class I was late to this whole term.}

_{I was 4 minutes late to math last term and got my planner signed. I don’t remember being late in term1 at all.}

_{idk how they do it. but the popular/chamaki kids just walk in every sing,e lesson 40+ minutes late and everyone just watches them while saying nothing. or they come in early drop their bags out their phone and vape in their pocket then come back for their bags when the lesson is over.}

_{but I’m not the same? I don’t just skip because I want to. or vape because my friends do or lie because it’s me or them. I don’t even have a phone or money-} 

_{brb I have to work on this thing for a little-}