The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲

✨😌✨

(Of course, this quote makes me think of the wonderful @Sunishiningandsoareyou ☀️ Keep shining, Sunny Sunnn 🤗 ❤️)

I've heard this song soooooo many times now, and it just makes everything that I'm going through feel so valid. It proves how feeling loved for who I am can make all the difference, and doesn't make the negative circumstances feel as daunting. ❤️✨

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Note: I did write an entry yesterday, but since I hit the space outside of the forum post box by mistake, I lost everything I wrote. But that’s okay because I am still so proud of myself for making journal entry writing into a habit, and I intend to continue this habit for as long as possible. 😌✨

But to make up for not sending the entry, here is an amazing chibird reminder for everyone:

💕 Tagging my spectacular friendsies: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @emotionalTalker2260 @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @mytwistedsoul @fearfearfear @BookishBlue13 @AGuardianAngel @Wheeki16 @CallMeScott @JennyINFP @SystemFireSkye @CupoSad076 @DonaldDraper @FreddieOnyx @jv13076 @BlueDarkAurora @TryingTBH2021 @taylorhugs12 @elli025 💕

When I was going through probably one of the hardest moments in my life, this song come on when I was at my breaking point. I will never be able to express how much this song means to me, but it's honestly really beautiful and memorable (and I totally don't know all the lyrics by heart 😛). ❤️✨

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tw: mentions trauma, hints of pain and violence

Time for an entry 😛

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Today wasn’t super bad, honestly. I was a mix of an unusual amount of productivity both on here and my offline world, sprinkled with brief periods of flashbacks and unwanted feelings, and served with optimism and confidence. (Haha, I love writing this as a metaphor for some unknown reason 😌✨)

I was able to finish my schoolwork for the day and also do a bit of my university group work. That definitely boosted my mood, because it motivated me to actually take care of myself and exercise for once. I went to a community park and played tennis and basketball, two of my all-time favorite sports. I may had been a bit rusty with tennis, but basketball is literally part of my being. I’ve been playing since I was 7, and I learned so quickly that in less than a year, I was able to play for a local team.

But the thing is…that experience is what made me never want to join a basketball team again, andI was *this* close to quitting. Some…unfavorable circumstances took place (those of which wouldn’t be appropriate to talk about in forums 🥲), and I completely left the team and decided to play basketball completely solo. And I’m still doing that since then, and I’m totally fine with it. However, every time I get on the court, I remember what happened and…well, you know. :’) I still play though, because it’s the adrenaline rush that gets me out of my negative mindset and gives me a boost of confidence. ❤️

Anyways, enough about recalling memories about the sport…I really just wanted to tell myself how proud I am that I’m stepping back from my depressive state and actually trying to live my life instead of hide from it. 😊 It’s honestly a wonderful feeling, knowing that I can bounce back from my challenges, while also accepting that I’ve been through a rough time basically my whole life and not letting that stop me. ❤️✨

Hopefully, I can keep this up for tomorrow, since I have to prepare for my team meeting, and I’m just about ready. I have a few things to tweak, but otherwise I’m prepared. 😊

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I’m going to head to bed now since I have a pretty big day tomorrow. Have a goodnight, everyone, and love ya all 🤗 ❤️

I don’t have a lot of time to right an entry, but today was a really good and productive day! I was able to get all of my schoolwork done again, and I get to take a bit of a break tomorrow since my university robotics team meeting was cancelled and will be moved to next week. That’ll give me more time to get all of my information together, which is awesomeeee! ❤️❤️

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I’ll leave it here! Goodnight, everyone 🤗

*hugs dear Sprucie* 🤗💖

It's time for my final entry before the weekenddddd 😛

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Today was such an amazingggg day! 🤗 Even though I didn't do any schoolwork (or at least tried not to, since I was super stressed this past week 😀), I took care of myself for once in my life. 😌 I was on here for quite a bit, I feel like I needed it and it was worth it. ❤️ I chatted with so many wonderful hooman beans, and that really raised my spirits overall. I feel so peaceful and confident with myself after so long, and I'm making so much progress when it comes to recovering from what happened these past few months. ❤️❤️

I went out to play basketball *again* today because I was a bit too energetic, and I needed to release some of the excess energy from being cooped up at home all day. But, this time, I allowed myself to view my memories on this court from a nonjudgmental third-person perspective, and I came to peace with myself. Everything that has happened wasn't my fault- it was just the society that I grew up with...the toxic friends and acquaintances that I made...but those are a thing of the past. 😌 I've came to accept these incidents, and I want to start my life on a new footing- one filled with peace, productivity, and understanding. ❤️✨

And yes, it won't be an easy road- I still have a lot of unprocessed memories and fearful nightmares that I have to re-discover, and it'll be an emotional rollercoaster. But, in the end, it is completely worth it! No matter what happens, I will bounce back stronger than I ever was, and that's what I love about myself. I may not have the highest view of myself from a body-image perspective, but I won't let that stop me from being the best version of myself. 🤗 ❤️

I've been through a lot during my teenage years, but it is these experiences that made me grow as a hooman bean, and at this point, I think these events happened for a reason. Most of the time, I just view myself in a negative light, and pity myself because of how anti-social and irritable I can be in real life. However, I like to take advantage of these moments when I'm feeling optimistic to appreciate how far along my journey I have went. It was filled with obstacles and mishaps, but in the end, I was able to grow and develop socially and emotionally. 😌 ❤️ It's honestly really special, and I wouldn't trade my life for any other...because it's my own, unique, and rare. ❤️✨

I'm still a wanderer on this microcosm of a universe, but I feel like this life has meaning...purpose...and it's important that I remind myself that all of this is worth it, not just because I'm making a difference, but because of the amount of self-acceptance, and the love and support I have gained and given in others. ❤️❤️

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This is the perfect place to end today's entry. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Love ya all 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️

Hello, my wonderful hooman beanssssss! I’m pleased to announce three new invitees to my groveeeeeee 🌲 ❤️

Ton, Heart, and Kiwi - welcome to my magical grove! Make yourself comfy, and I hope you enjoy your stay hereeeee ❤️ *shares donuts* 🍩

Tagging: @SimplyTonio @ruggedheart0 @kieran000

It’s time for the glorious entryyyyyy 😛

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I feel like today was kind of bitter sweet, honestly. I did have a lot of fun chatting with my amazing friendsies here as always, probably more fun than usual because the Glorious 4 got back together after soooooooo long! 😀 (I won’t expose those who are in the group, but you know who you are ❤️) And I was able to welcome 3 lovely hooman beans to my grove today (you also know who you are 😀), which was super excitinggggg! 🤗 Being on 7 Cups definitely gifted me the moments of love, understanding, thrill, and FuN (😀) that comes with friendship, and I wouldn’t trade it for *anything*.

But the reason why today wasn’t the best day was due to the constant flashbacky moments, most of them not triggered by anything in particular. :’) It really had to do with my mom and her chronic illness - she was in and out the hospital, and I barely saw her for months at a time. It was hard, but now she’s significantly better, even though she may be going on the decline real soon when it comes to her illness. It was actually a tv show that reminded me that if the illness worsens, it can actually evolve into cancer, which I’m so scared about- omg, I’m not crying 😭 Yeah, that really ruined my day because I was thinking about it so much, and I felt stuck in this loop.. it was terrifying 😣

The most important thing, though, is that I’m doing much better now after chatting again with my close friendsies on here. You all make me feel filled to the brim with happiness and love, and there is nothing that can ever replace that. Thank you all for being there for me and being so understanding- I love ya all beyond wordssssss 🤗 ❤️

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I’ll end the entry here! Have a goodnight, everyoneeeee *hugs for all who accept* ❤️❤️