Pieces of the Jigsaw

I don't know, I just don't know, why me? What have I done? How can I make this right? How can I just get rid of this? How can I start again? I am so clueless. I don't know how I got here, I don't know how to get out of here, I don't know what have I done I don't know why I'm wandering, I don't recognize myself, I don't know who I am, why me? just why me? I wish there was a way out of this but I don't even know where I am, in the middle of nowhere? and how do I talk about something that can be expressed?

❤ @Everlee ❤

Andddd some icecream-cake! 🤗

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Aw hey sunny, thank you so much for all of thoseee *Sending some right back to youu* how have you been? c:

@Everlee

Aww hehe thankieees *receives* 🥰

Leee Leeee I'm doing okie. How's you?

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Awe sun the okie is more like there's a scope of improvement, any better than before? c: *gives sun ice cream* I'm doing pretty good *the* exam is finally over haha and I have some more left before I am active on cups again! c':

@Everlee

Hehe you lovely lovely! Yess, scope for improvement always lol :') hanging in there hehe, the tight hug and comfy blanket wrap sure helped 🥺❤

thankieees for the ice cream tooo 🥰 *shares with you and nomss*

Glad *the* exam is over lol, and aww too many exams, we miss our lovely Leee Leee, no worries though, worth all the wait always. 🤗

How's you doing? Besides well the exams c:

I was 9 when I was 9 🍂

Haha these last 4 posts are so relatable xD *hugsssss*

Specially the last one lol :') not relatable per se, but hits differently!

Oooh and yes yes, we all can use a quarantine from our brain once in a while hehe 🤧❤

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou not relatable? Sun were you 15 when you were 9? how? :p /j

Haha I understand that and *hugssssss tightly the wonderful sunshine and wraps you in a comfy blanket*

@Everlee

Smh Lee Lee 😛

Awww *heart melts* you are sooooo lovely! *gets wrapped and hugs back tightttt* 🤗❤

@Everlee

❤️

@selflessSpruce1515 Aw sprucee thank youuu so much for this, I know I'm super late but it really means a lotttt to meee! You are wonderful! c:

What did 3 am thoughts teach me? To cry about the things I can't change? Well, done that, a heck lotta times. Did things change? No. Did it make things worse? Yes for sure, gave me anxiety, panic attacks, worst thoughts, nightmares, made me overthink every single thing, wasted so much time, added so much unnecessary hate in my mind, made me question my decisions. Is this any similar to how I wanted my life to be? No, never. I was surviving, I had hope, I wasn't getting better but I wasn't this bad as well. To the person I've become today, my lovely anxiety, thank you but I didn't ask for it. I'm thankful for the knowledge I've gained but I can't live like this anymore, the time has come and I need to change this. No this isn't coz of the random motivation or anything like that but coz I feel the need to change and this time, it isn't for anyone else but me because clearly, running away from things got me closer to them, maybe facing them will help me get rid of them. Old doors don't open new ways and when I need to survive in this world then why to hide when I can fight? I know I can do it, I know I have wasted just so much time but I also know that I have chance to live the life I wanted to and if not now then I am sure I will never be able to do it. I will never be able to change people's opinion but at least I can work on myself to be strong enough to ignore all the unnecessary hate because I've learnt that fighting with some people is just useless and even winning those fights is just as useless. I can't love everyone but I can at least stop this random hate chain that I have been a part of for such a long time and was surprisingly blind enough to not to notice it. If the conversation is about hate, I won't talk, if it's about something that makes me cringe, I won't talk, if it's about something because of which I feel bad about myself, I won't talk. Boundaries are important, everywhere, learnt it the hard way but proud to accept it. Trying to part with the things that are not required will only make me try more and fail eventually but stopping it completely, I wouldn't have any excuse left and I'll do that, I'll be harsh on myself now to earn the future I dreamt of. I will do everything to get there and I am ready to give what it takes. I need to work today in order to get where I wish to because it may be a series of bad chapters but I know there will be a good chapter, a better one, that will make me feel all of it, all the trauma, all the flashbacks, all the urges, everything was worth it and I'll patiently wait for that chapter to come. I will get there eventually. I am confident enough that I will but till then I'll work on myself, I won't sit with the dreams, I will make them happen because I don't want this to continue, I don't want that cycle of doubt to continue and only I can change myself, only I can change my situation and only my efforts can make my dreams come true because I want to be optimistic for once and even if all my plans don't work out, I won't feel bad because I've already wasted enough time thinking about all the worst things that can happen, thanks to overthinking for showing me every single way how things can go wrong and I'm even more ready to prove my own thoughts wrong. I'll do what it takes, I'm ready to fall, I'm ready to fight with the pain, I'm ready to be the last one in the race but I'm also ready to complete the race because even if I am the last one, I'd be proud enough to say that I completed the race and I won the fight with my own thoughts which is what matters the most to me. One day I'll get there till then, I'll work hard.

lalala

Follow the regular exercise schedule.

Complete at least 3 topics everyday.

Do not overthink about those who spread hate.

Leave what is unnecessary.

Think about all that they have done for you.

Don't stop, move ahead.

Stay away from -----

Keep track of your time.

Do what is important.

Think about what you actually wanna do.

Time wait for nobody, you need to be quick.

There's a long way ahead.

You haven't even reached 50% of it.

It will be worth it.

You got this!

You will get there.

Hope, for the last time, just hope.

@Everlee

That's so powerful, my friendsie 🤗 It shows a lot of strength to leave behind someone who doesn't give you the love you deserve 💖

@selflessSpruce1515 🤗 That is extremely true!

Stop it. Stop it. They aren't going to be there for you and you aren't go to be there for them so why are you overthinking about something that isn't going to help you in any way? Just let it be, you gotta stop being jealous of people and yes you are jealous, admit it, ADMIT IT. Now, we can finally try to work on how to find peace in yourself rather than being jealous of someone else for any any any damn reason. You don't need them. You weren't like this, you need to cut off the people who have made you this way. You need to let your actions speak more than your texts. You need to stop with finding flaws in everything. You need to believe in yourself and to work on yourself till you get where you wish to. You have to accept yourself but you don't have to settle with this version of yourself. You need to move on, you have a life ahead. You have so much more to do. Your dreams are big and these factors won't let you achieve them so eliminate them, just do it for yourself and you'll be proud of yourself, one day. It's okay to be selfish for yourself. You need to be selfish sometimes but you don't need to behave like the beast you have become, let it go. You know there's more to come.

You need to know that you only have so much time left to prove yourself and if you don't start now then there's no fucking way you are getting where you always wanted to. Work hard bitch, you are nowhere near your dreams, a little bit of harshness won't affect too much. This leniency ain't gonna take you anywhere.

Pretend you never saw this, sorry for my language 😀👍

@Everlee

It's okieeee 😀 ❤️ I had a feeling that the text was supposed to be white 😀

@selflessSpruce1515 You're smort Spruce, it was definitely supposed to be white, thank you for ignoring it though, Imma send some holy water jic anyone needs it after reading the post 😀👍

@Everlee

Hehe, of courseeee 💖 And lmaoooo, holy water cures all 😌✨

@selflessSpruce1515 facts 😌

@Everlee

Magic ✨

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I knew it, I kneww!! I alwayss kneww you were magical!! Thank youuu for showing your magicc, you magical sunnn!

@Everlee aw hehe *hugs leee* ❤

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou *hugsss hugsss sunnn* 🤍

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@Everleehi there

@helpfulOcean6350 Hello there

@Everlee good to hear frm u

@helpfulOcean6350 You too!