In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
So right now - right this moment - I don't feel too bad - alittle anxious but that's always there. It got nicer than it was supposed to get.
I am missing some time and dealing with some thievery.
It's a dis-organized place here. Clothe that should be put away. Stuck on milk can's - sheets and hoodies on the safe. If there a flat surface - there is something on it. We really need to do something. I mean - everything's clean just not where it could go. You know what though? I dgaf - lol
Idk - may be missing a speed bumb or two between brain and hands
Impulse control is an issue
Idk - might have to ghost hunt the woods lol
What's on your mind J? Kinda liking the new phone. Poor Google. Not liking auto correct - but it has some interesting suggestions
Snow today - should be fun. Have to make sure the bird feeders are full and that there's corn out for the squirrels. It feels like snow
Feeling - Idk - sad I guess. Not the deep dark usual depression - just sad.
Stained a chair I'm working on but have been staying away from sharp tools because - urges - yeah? I hate it. Intrusive thoughts have been an issue - hate those too
@mytwistedsoul
This is soooooooooooo brilliant!
@admaiorasemper I'm sorry V - I think maybe I screwed up earlier
@mytwistedsoul
Oh J no you absolutely didn't, why do you say that? You were so kind and supportive... You really, honestly, absolutely, totally didn't say anything wrong 
Ah - we can pace with a phone
I'm sorry - sometimes I don't think and afterwards I over think it. Maybe - I need to learn - Idk - something
Insecuries are full - please stop feeding them. What if she's right? God - my heart aches - what if it's true?
Thoughts - here and gone - it' s ok - maybe I'll find them again later.
I'm sorry maybe the words sounded harsh. Too rough. Thoughtless
I'm drawing lines
Connecting the dots
Making it fit
The box is warped. Do you see? The triangle fits in the circle - the circle fits the box. She twists it and makes it fit.
Eerily calm - the calm before the storm. No other sounds except the thunder and wind.
And the Queen
She's been whispering in my ear all night - it's hard to swallow sometimes but she force feeds it
Idk - does it matter if the intentions were good - if it still ended bad?
I'm tired of allways feeling unsure and insecure with what I say to people or even here in my own space
The questions - the doubt
I know I have no control over peoples thoughts or feeling but there's that fear of contributing or adding.
I worry that maybe some of what I say is - not all mine - Idk - Nvm
Kind of anxious - kind of depressed - kind of not really sure. Kind of don't care. Some dark thoughts - some urges
Had a moment
*GIVES A GIANT BEAR HUG TO EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD*
except for people who don't want hugs, I'm gonna respect your personal virtual space.
@tinycactus809 Hey - How are you?
Thank you
@mytwistedsoul
You're welcome!
Ummmmmmm...
Not so great at the moment. I've been pretty stressed about school and my parents aren't making it any better. Typing out why would probably take too long right now. Also, my friend's lunch got changed because a couple kids in his class kept showing up 20 minutes late after lunch, so it got switched from 2nd lunch to 3rd lunch so the teacher could keep all her students in the class for the whole block. I'm pretty upset about it because sometimes having lunch with my friend would be the only good part about my day. Especially since I don't have any friends in my class of 7 people (2nd lunch splits 3rd block in 1/2) It was nice to talk to someone after 40 mins of silence and anxiety. Now I sit with some other "friends" that I'm not as close with. It would be totally fine except for the fact that they talk over me a lot and have a tendancy to ignore me. Now 3rd block is just essentially 110 mins of silence. I've got other stuff that's bothering me but those are the 2 main things right now.
@tinycactus809 I'm sorry to hear you aren't doing so great and that school and parents are stressing you out. It must be hard having to change lunches like that just because of a few people ruined it for everyone else. And then to sit with people who - well - while they're still friends - the talking over you makes you feel unseen and unheard. It hurts. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that every day.
I hope you know - you're heard here and seen
Be gentle with yourself - yeah?
@mytwistedsoul
awwww thank you! I will try, but it's not always easy
