BurkeDevlin / CaloenasNicobarica All-Purpose Chat Thread

@CaloenasNicobarica Hey Miko!

Thanks for asking - opening weekend was fantastic. It was thrilling, exhausting, a little bit stressful - but Im so glad I was a part of it and it did me a great deal of good. I worked backstage on the Thursday and Friday. I was a runner, which basically means I didnt have any set job, but I would sit in the wings and be sent here and there depending on what the stage manager needed. I even had to make a CVS run during intermission!

And on Friday I was pulled out during Act 2 to help set up for the cast party, which I duly did - but then decided I couldnt go. I was just feeling a little depressed and introverted and sad that it was all over (for me). I feel silly, but I just couldnt people, if that makes sense. Wasnt up to pressing the flesh. I just found the backstage director, thanked her for the opportunity, and slipped out.

But yeah, it was amazing overall. Best thing Ive done for myself lately.

I also finally made it to the doctor a couple of weeks ago. Folks my age (46 in two days - yikes!) are supposed to be going more often than every several years. I got a 7-day course of steroids for my knee, which seems to have helped somewhat actually. Also got an X-ray but dont know the results yet. I seem to be in pretty good health overall, but I also seem to have shrunk half an inch or so. I cant round up to 6 feet anymore. :-(

How are you?? How are classes going? Holding up OK in the house there?

@BurkeDevlin

Hoo! You're a professional Busy Guy for sure!

Before I come back to this, I wanted to make sure to wish you a happy birthday. I know once we get past a certain age birthdays are more like something be ignored. Either way, I hope you have a good one and take some time for yourself. You've been doing great pushing yourself to be social. But have some of that nerdy introverted time for self-care. You deserve some calm, dude. You're the hardest worker I've known! But there's so much more to you than that. <3 *hugs*

@CaloenasNicobarica . You remembered my birthday? You're the BEST!

It's true, I'm getting old enough not to want to run the 'age++' code. I will say, this year's is better than last year's, though. I've come a ways and this year I have friends like you who think of me on this day, which makes a great difference.

I'm definitely going to try and arrange for a little downtime this weekend. Also, my son and I are planning to see the new Avengers movie Saturday.

Thank you so much, and I hope you are fantastic today. Have a little cake in my honor!

@BurkeDevlin

LOL XD

A little late, but...

@BurkeDevlin

How did your birthday go, Burkey? Did you have fun seeing the new Avengers with your little one? <3 Have heard good things about it.

XD I keep laughing at the age++ thing. And I'm glad you know that you're not some unfriendable monster or something. Because you're not, damn it! You've really put yourself out there with socializing and the like, that takes a lot. Especially when dealing with the old wounds from past stuff and daft SOs whether they be current or ex. Though, I do see that you're running yourself ragged for work. X_X; Burkey needs breaks, and I hope your downtime was relaxing.

I had some takeout in your honor and some dorky confection. I can't remember what it was, though. lol My cat's birthday is a day before yours. Not sure where I'm even going with that. XD

@CaloenasNicobarica Hi! Thats one of the many things I like about you - no matter how nerdy my humor, I can count on you to appreciate it. Thanks for raising a confection to me across the distance, Miko. Its nice to celebrate together the only way we can.

The Avengers movie was great! You should go see it. Have you been going to see them all along? See, we havent - although the Marvel movies are totally up my alley, when they started coming out, I had babies and had a hard time getting to the movies, so I just got farther and farther behind. Now one of those ‘babies is my partner-in-crime for such things, but we still havent caught up. We rented a few of the older ones, but this past weekend was going to be our only window to see it for awhile, so we went even not having seen many of them.

It really wasnt ideal. My general comics knowledge filled in some of the gaps, but I was lost for some of it. However, the movie is extremely epic and very well put together. I kind of wished I could see it through my sons eyes. I remember the sense of wonder and amazement when I saw, say Empire Strikes Back or Superman II around his age.

Thanks for the kind words. I admit I often feel unfriendable, if not always like a monster. I guess I try and fill my life with acquaintances and have some fun, at least. It beats listening to Pink Floyd (though I love Pink Floyd) while probing the dark pathways of my psyche with metaphorical sharp implements. I miss theater already. The group is having an end-of-season formal later this month, and Im really on the fence about going. Between ticket, clothes, and parking, Im looking at a $200 night, and what if Im just not in the mood to party then? But I will miss everyone. I do miss everyone. So, I dunno.

Next week I have to go to Cape Cod on business. Bleh. Ill try and look on the bright side in that at least a kick out of my routine may be what I need to get some motivation back. But its hard to miss the kids for so long.

Also, somehow I managed to catch a wicked cold this week. Ive been feeling like ass since Monday evening. Now its in my lungs. In a few minutes, Im going to tank up on NyQuil and try to sleep it off.

How is everything with you??

@BurkeDevlin

NP! Us semi-awkward nerd types gotta stick together after all! XD I feel a little weird going to buy games or anything anymore because I'm considered older than a lot of the typical types that work there so they don't get some of that old skool nerdy humor, I guess. So I hear ya. May we raise many confections to celebrate our successes!

Sounds like you had a good time. These new Marvels movies are something else. I haven't seen the new one, and I mostly hate going to the movie theatre. In my opinion movie theatres were some bizarre creation by Marquis de Sade. XD Being stuck in room crammed full of people with loud noises and pitch black. X____X; Though there is a certain romanticism about it, I guess. A lot of folks enjoy it! Including you, so I do understand there's an appeal to it. Plus there's the bonding experience with you and your son. Fun fact, I've never been on a movie date my entire life. I've seen some of the new Avengers movies, the Iron Man series, Spiderman: Homecoming, and my favorite Thor: Ragnarok. I'm kinda a newb to this kinda stuff, but I've picked up on some comic book lore and the like. Marvel DVD + pizza is usually my viewing choice.

I've heard they cram together a bunch of story arcs to make movies, usually. Can see how that would frustrate fans. I dunno. These movies are pretty glitzy. So creepy to think of Disney as Marvel. Like really, you can see Mickey Mouse, Woody from Toy Story, and then Spiderman at Disneyland. WTF. Disney owns so much of the media. O_O;

NP. It feels that sometimes, huh? But it's creepy to think that the truth is while we may have our own flaws and what not, someone did go out of our way to make us feel lesser. Add that onto older insecurities or unprocessed wounds and it can be quite a monster itself to deal with. I always remember what I've read, that because we may feel like a monster doesn't mean we are. We are not our feelings. That can be hard as hell to separate, though. It really does sound like you're improving. And yeah brooding and listening to Pink Floyd vs. fun theatre time. There are some times when we gotta brood for a little while, but "controlled brooding" from what I've heard. That party sounded pretty damn expensive, BTW? You still debating about going? That sounds really hard, and can relate to your reluctance.

Are you already at Cape Cod? Hope you've kicked that cold by now. Traveling x cold = not a fun time. X_X; Hopefully you can come back from the trip and have your health back and some fun time with the kids. <3

As for me... things have been changing at a staggering rate. My senses are starting to wake up, I'm seeing different kinds of energy and cycles play out in my life and in myself. Though my current academic term I couldn't finish the last class, I feel like next time I'll be ready to really take on my next classes. Including math. Your help with math really struck me. I've been doing math everyday for a week or so, and have learned that even if I get freaked with math or programming and it's hard because of my disassociation/PTSD stuff I can overcome it but I will have to sit with the uncomfortableness. Hell, that's how you overcome a lot of things- including phobias.

Though, I do keep freakin' out because I'm "too old" to do this. Too old to get a career in this field. Too green still. I still need to get to the point where I can use programming to problem solve, I'm still on tutorial mode- but I've forced myself to work on projects that push me into the domain of finding solutions and experimenting to get the result. Since, that's kinda what the heck the job's about, y;know? XD I've been learning about SVC/version control stuff, too. I still have so damn much to learn, but I just gotta do it! Just like with the math. Practice, practice, practice. With programming, it's build, build, build! Gotta ship that sh*t. lol

I'm still freakin' about missing my last class because of the financial aid thing. I just barely made SAP this term. Couldn't do my last class because I'm kinda messed up and they wanted me to go do a certification exam in public. My agoraphobia has been variable lately. But I hope to tackle this soon, because I know the subject matter- but... anxiety/phobia stuff and trauma because the place where I'd be testing is where some major sh*t went down for me. I got harassed the last time I went there, too. X_X; Tried to get an accommodation but they weren't willing. Maybe if I just went in and requested a quiet room or something? Either way... I'm gonna have to tackle these eventually. And for accountability sake:

Projects I'm working on:

1. Data scraper using Python for scraping .aspx type sites.

2. Using the Google custom search API or whatever with Python for a command-line based google search program.

3. Simple Android app with white noises.

Hoo. I dragged this out. XD It's been awhile, though. *hugs*

@BurkeDevlin

Hey. By this time, I'm kinda guessing you're off of 7cups right now. Hope you have a good 4th, regardless. It was nice knowing you and all. Knowing how you are, you're probably busy AF and trying to make time for the kids. I hope you find some reprieve from all the hustle and bustle of work. And finally, I want you to know I did enjoy your letters on here and the times we've hung out to chat.

Sending much love from the west,

Cal/Pigeon

@CaloenasNicobarica Hey there! I had kind of taken a break for a little while, sorry about that. Real life stuff has really been consuming all that I have. Some 'bad' stuff, and some good also. Just a bit of emotional (and logistical) overload.

I always enjoy hanging out with you too, and I frequently think of you, root for you, and wish you well.

Big hugs. I'll see you around.

@BurkeDevlin

*huggles* BURKEYBOOO! ;------;

I thought something really bad happened. Ehhh, it sounds like you had to deal with even more chaos than before. X___X; It's good to see you, regardless! <3 I saw that Classic NES and SNES is available again through stores, so I immediately thought of you. You're always on my mind as I work my way out of this- even went back and looked at your advice you've given me before. Also, been programming and doing math more diligently! Hope you get time to BS soon. Been watching a lot of Marvel movies lately, and finished up the Star Wars prequel trilogy. I kept laughing at the product placement in the Marvel movies. Like the perfectly placed mustard and Worcestershire sauce on Falcon's fridge in Captain America. Every so often I go around the house placing products in a way like that because it strikes me as weirdly funny. Anyway! Wishing you the best and sending my love from across the country! <3

@CaloenasNicobarica Hey! Sorry that I worried you. But Im glad my advice is helping you and Im glad youre working through things. In addition to sampling the very best of 21st century pop culture.

I didnt know that the Classic NES was back! Ill have to put that on my Christmas list. (Again. I think I told you the story of my ex getting it for me 2 years ago, then giving it to someone else instead because she got mad at me for taking off work Christmas week.)

How are things at home? Still working towards ‘the goal?

I hope things are getting better for you. Love ya!

@BurkeDevlin

It's fine. I also know that one of your other friends on here was looking to catch up with you. Think something unfortunate might've happened or something. Hopefully, you ran into them and told them you were alive. You're in demand. XD But you do have a life. And one of the busiest Gdamned lives i've heard about. Wonder if you took all that Burkey-energy and put it towards writing? Maybe crank out a few novels a year! Would be interesting. Def would buy it first press!

You've piqued my interest about a lot of that stuff, and I feel as someone going into software development I need to sample these things in order to facilitate a comfortable existence. XD I could never forget that traumatizing story about your ex and the narcissistic injury/rage thing about the NES Classic. X____X; There are some good bundles on Gamestop, one comes with both the NES and SNES Classic and some wireless controllers for the systems. Be forewarned, the NES Classic only comes with ONE controller... which is funny because the SNES Classic has way more single-player RPG type things. Also! There's the NEOGEO Mini. Really cute- good game selection.

So nice to talk to you again. Went to the seaside and got these artisan chocolates the other day. Thought a lot about you and that one trip you told me about. Hoping you were having good times and really connecting with your children and perhaps other human beings that cool people. <3

My home life is so freakin' weird right now. This academic term is ending tonight and I had to skip one class because it was a COMPTIA cert that I'd have to go to the local college for. Much PTSD stuff and heightened anxiety/agoraphobia so I couldn't complete it- even sought accommodations which couldn't be made due to rigamarole stuff. Blarg, more webcam proctored tests, plzkthnx. My advisor also started harassing me even though I told him I wouldn't be completing that class. Spammed me with passive-aggressive e-mails. X____X; Today I get to speak with my new advisor(hopefully), if everything goes well. Still struggling with math, but I think before the year's out I'll be able to take those courses and complete them successfully. Might need some help from you along the way.

Also, gonna go on anxiety meds since I discussed it with psych. Should help alleviate my reactions to crazy BS and other stuff. ...Psych also said that it's possible all the stuff is interfering with my rational or logical creativity. Which I totally didn't know that could be affected. Sometimes I have trouble thinking creatively when it comes to programming and it's frustrating- guess my CPU is being tasked with processing the crazy around me and other excessive startup processes that should be ended. I'm still working towards that goal whole-heartedly. Now Puer is having bizarre reactions to his ADHD meds. Which he faked to get the drugs. He is totally gone in basement child land. There's like nothing between us anymore and intimacy is non-existent on any level. As I get better and more into my true self without all the shame, fear, and anxiety- I find that there's a lot of backlash from him and my own internal world.

Eh, been warned about that. ...oh yeah, and a PI has been stalking me and talking to the neighbors. My psycho mother which sounds like a clone of your ex had this weird obsession with hiring PIs and watched shows on cheating despite being the biggest home-wrecker that I've ever known. lol Was her birthday about the time it started- she must've "treated" herself to this idiocy. So yeah. Things. Kinda barfed words everywhere. You win a relaxing time at home with Netflix!

May luck and pleasantries speed towards you! ~Much love! <3

@CaloenasNicobarica You get an autographed copy of the first book I get published, hows that? (Probably wont be a novel. I stink at fiction, I cant do characters or dialogue.)

And do ping me if I can help with the math. Ill be more than happy to. Itll be just like old times. :-)

But good lord - your mother-in-law has a PI following you?? What does she expect to find?? You having a conversation with a man who doesnt spend all his time playing video games? Man, youre the one who should write a book. The sooner youre out of that whole cuckooo land the better.

I totally support you going on anxiety medications and I wish you the best of luck. As you know, its an inexact science - there may be some that trigger side effects and some that just arent useful, and you and your doctor may not know until you try them. But hang in there.

I am looking forward to the weekend! Saturday there is a theater and music festival near me that I might check out if the weather is good and I feel up to it, and Sunday the kids are with me. Any plans on your end?

@BurkeDevlin

Hey Burkey, gonna take a few days and go on self-care break. Just wanted to let you know. Will be back soon.

OK. Be well, and I'll see you when you get back!

@BurkeDevlin

Woo! Back!

@CaloenasNicobarica . Welcome back!

@BurkeDevlin

Hoo. Had to do some lifey things, am actually happy with how things are going.

How'd your weekend go with the kidlets? Did you go off to that festival? <3 Forced myself out for the weekend, too. Did some fine dining and shopping. Funny thing. Most people are more addicted to their phones than I thought. O_O; Kinda freaks me out. lol

@CaloenasNicobarica I can't tell you how good it makes me feel when you tell me you're going out and doing well. Good for you! I'm glad life is improving for you.

The kids and I had some fun indoors this weekend - it was super hot. We played a Minecraft Uno marathon, among other things.

I did not make it to the festival on Saturday because I was in the urgent care clinic getting a quarter-sized infected blister scraped off of the bottom of my foot. The things that come with being a runner...

Tomorrow morning I'm off to Boston for a couple of days. I have some interviews and performance reviews to do up there. Oy. Can I retire yet?

@BurkeDevlin

Haaa, battle scars. X____X; But you're out there runnin'! Woo! How's your foot healing up?

Sounds like it was a nice time with the kids. <3 Video games and summer go together well- especially when you can't sleep due to the heat hanging there.

Blarg, you're probably off doin' stuff...but maybe you're back? I dunno. It always sounds like they keep you busy and make you do the job of like...five guys. I hope you can retire and go chill on an island somewhere! But knowing you, you'll probably be doing something besides that.

Sorry it took a week to get back to this, had some revelations goin' on. Got bit by the same bug you did, I think! I was up all night programming and studying. Even getting further along in my math! I'm almost done with understanding square roots and using operations with them. But there's real progress going on! So it's kinda addicting to keep up that flow. Also helps keep my mind off of my screwed up marriage lol. Is this called maturity? XD Working on a CIW cert class for web development, getting more acquainted with JavaScript. Doing more Android stuff. Really love the Google course with Udacity. <3 ...still detest Google. xD And then I'm learning to work with mods for Skyrim. So yeah. Learning 24/7.

OOOHHH!!! I got my new mentor! She's beautiful! OMFG. She has so much good info just like you do. Very down to earth, informative. I really trust her and was able to open up about my agoraphobia/anxiety stuff. She even said if I need to vent or anything that I can speak with her about whatever! OMG I'm actually on-time and getting ahead on this term. So weird being praised and encouraged, but I'm really happy! She even organized my next classes with my mental stuff that I'm working on in mind. Later on this year, she's gonna help me with scholarship stuff! I couldn't even imagine this would be a 10/10. A world of difference! I'm actually happy to talk to her and not avoid phone calls. lol

Much love to you, Burkey! *huggle*

Hard to believe summer's almost on it's way out...

@CaloenasNicobarica You know me, I'm always ready to kick summer out the door.

You are doing great! I'm so proud of you. I'm telling you that all that learning and experimenting is totally going to pay off for you. You're going to have a long and successful career in this field.

I'm so happy that you've gotten a better mentor. You totally deserve it after the rotten luck you've had. It's awesome to hear of things turning around for you and you finally getting some empathy for all you've had to do to get to this point.

Boston was nice - I got some reviews done and some interviews, and I think I'm about to hire a new lady to join our group. She's verbally accepted our offer and we just need to work out some details. Bringing someone new on is always a positive part of the job, despite all the hoops you have to jump through to get there. Also, a friend of mine, from the opera group I joined, was up there for a family reunion, so I had the chance to meet up with her for dinner the night I stayed over.

And yes, I'm back. I had the kids all week (until tonight) because my ex was at training in North Jersey. I took today off and we had a nice day - didn't do anything elaborate, but it was really nice to spend the time with them, have some meals, talk to each other. "Remember when..." - stuff like that.

Keep up your awesome roll!

@BurkeDevlin

I went away for awhile. Are you still kickin' around here? I kinda doubt it. Sorry for not telling you. Had some stuff happen and bailed on a lot of things. Hoping things are good for you this holiday/new years. Been wondering how you were.

@CaloenasNicobarica Hey! I haven't been around in a long while, but I'm back a bit puttering around the site.

I've thought of you often, and very fondly.

I see you are on break and from your post, you may have run into some challenges. Whatever you are facing, please know that I'm impressed by you and I will always believe in you.

I hope you have overcome and that the spring is treating you wonderfully.

If you wander back and see this, drop me a line.

Love,

Burke