April's thoughts
I am not off to a good start, feeling really depressed, I have learned there are cycles with this dreadful disease, good days don't last, but I should enjoy them
@jr50
Definitely enjoy the good days. And on the bad days, remember the good days, for they'll come again.
@DeborahUK. I know what has got me down, my husband is a dreamer, he seems to never be realistic about much , says we are moving to our own place before summer, then says we owe this huge amount of money to various places, his mother, income tax. Ect. So now that I know we are stuck here indefinitely, I really need to go forward with my plan, just not sure how or where to start. My mind is scrambled!
I will grow strongweer.
I am like a prisoner without chains, I am bound to this trailer, that I hate so much, he made this deal to live here, but is rarely here, so I am stuck , caring for this 88 yr old woman, who can't be left alone very long, I am trying not to be upset at the woman, it is not her fault that her daughter and my husband don't have a caring bone in their bodies '. So I stay here, while he us always out. He left this morning for couple hours then when he came back, I went to the store for a few groceries, come back and he is gone. Ughhh
Today the weather was dreary, lots of rain, the sun came out and then the kids came home, ughh I have lost my patience with them, they came home arguing and hollering, I am so tired from the day already, I just want to go to sleep to escape all this !
I am wishing to get away, this woman won't stop talking, I can't leave the room , she is driving me up the wall, I want peace but she like talks to hear herself talk and asks the same question every 15 minutes. I can't get peace anymore since we moved here, before Christmas. I feel stressed one moment and ok the next and very anxious another and the like I can't take it anymore, moments later . I am glad Saturday is not far away. I need a break or I might have a Breakdown!
@jr50
I used to work as a 24 hour live in carer. I'm assuming that's the sort of position you're in? It can be very stressful, and there's no opportunity to take planned breaks. So I used to just take my chances when they arose. If the person I was supporting rested, I rested. They wanted a meal, I had a meal. They slept, I slept. I also tried to make the most of that rest time, by doing something I enjoyed. It's so easy to let your mind wander into all sorts of bleak places, so I turned to games, books, letter writing, (it was in the days before social media)! It kept my mind active, and me sane!
I also tried to learn a lot about the person I supported. That could be hard if they had little verbal communication, but even so, each of them had a full life before needing the care I provided, and reminiscing often brought that person to life. Anyway, I'm not trying to teach you to suck eggs! But I do recall there were times the days felt long, and I wished I could be anywhere but. I now look back on those times with fond memories, part of my history and life experience. I hope you too get some reward from it.
@DeborahUK. I understand what you are saying, this older woman is 88 yrs old, her daughters take her on weekends, I am usually the only one here to care for her, but I have 2 elementary school children, also, I have no time to rest, and her daughter doesn't do anything to help her fix our schedule, I am very pleasant and help her, but I am getting a break from 5pm fri - 5pm sun. And then my kids are not in school so I am not really on break, I feel if I were older with no children living with me, it might be a bit easier, but I am continuing to sink a lot of the time into depression and sometimes she isn't very nice , I have at times been up allnight, because she kept getting up every hour or 2, I went for 2 days without any real sleep earlier this year, I have had to make her bed up to 3 different times in 1 day because of at times she is messes her bed, and I have physical issues myself, at times With muscle weakness, and pain that I can hardly walk, but I am doing what I can, even though I am criticized by my husband and the woman's daughter. Venting on here keeps my stress level from becoming unmanageable, but I have no one, so I do what I can. Thank you so much for reading and reresponding. It helps to know that a whole lot of people on 7 cups care!
I was happy it was Friday, but now I just don't care, this woman yells from her bed, " hello? Hello? IA anybody there? I am in the other side of the trailer, she is capable of getting up so I just don't go running, I am so tired of being involved, when her daughter comes over to care for her , she won't get up,waits for daughter to tell her Time to get up , I enough problem with getting my children up, this woman is grown, I guess I need to tell the daughter I don't believe in her way of treating her mother like a child, I am struggling with this, this was my husband's idea to live here and care for her, but he never will speak up, I have to be the one to. I try not to let myself be affected by his actions, but I find myself being drug in. I know it just makes me more anxious and depressed. I am getting bad at doing anything that requires work, I am just so tired. I have stopped counseling because of my husband, about 3 or 4 yrs ago was going, but when he knew I was going would be very awful to me, like say , I know you are going there to talk bad about me, I had told him , no , I go for me, I need someone to talk to, he knows I have anxiety, but doesn't believe depression, because he doesn't understand it.
@jr50
You sound like you feel unheard there, like you don't matter. The woman you care for demands your time, but maybe doesn't recognise you as an individual, simply as a carer. The daughter doesn't appear to you to value your input. Your children too make demands on your time, but again, as mum. Perhaps they don't recognise your needs as a person? And your husband? He doesn't sound like he gives you the support you'd like, or acknowledge the needs you have.
I wonder how you can start to be heard. To speak with quiet and determined authority. To recognise the times when you need to be in the role of carer or mother, and those that you don't. Are there times you can express your needs? To say to your kids, 'let's do x today, because that's something I'd really like to do, and I think you might enjoy it too'. Do you see? Those times when you can put yourself first?
And you know, for all that feeling unheard, I hear you - and you matter. Never forget that simple fact. You matter.
@DeborahUK. Thank you for hearing and yes I am unheard, my husband is the one who should understand when I ask him to help or run errands when I feel overwhelmed, I like your suggestion for my kids, to make myself heard! As for the woman and her daughter, I have just started to understand they just don't care as long as their happy, nothing else or anyone matter, thank you for your kind support!
I am so tired of not having any help with my ADD child, her father can't act like an adult, he is always mocking me in front of her and any time she yells or acts unruly it is my fault. He is not mature enough to help me to get her to listen and makes every situation worse! . I have no hope of this situation getting better! I need to leave soon, before I literally want to choke him! I am a person who tries to understand everything, but I know he will never help and continues to make my life more difficult , I would have a better chance of dealing with her on my own, right now he just enables her and feeds into her behavior. I need my sanity back! I did it on my own with 1 child, I am not sure I can do it with 2.
@jr50
I wonder, what's the first step for you to resolving this situation? Because that first step, however small, can be a really hard one to take. But with it you regain a little bit of you.
@DeborahUK. I think I need to try to get a job, I am not sure how, my parents are moving closer to me ,because they are becoming less independent and now live an hour away, so I am really not sure how to proceed, if I can get a job and become more independent, then if my situation with my husband becomes worse, I have a job and money to start a healthier life for me and my kids, I guess that is probably my best choice to feeling like I have a choice and control of my life.
I have changed, the woman fell last week, I called 911, and she had xray's taken, she fractured her pelvis, was transferred to a nursing home near her daughter, so not sure what will happen, but have a feeling if she doesn't come back ,daughter will ask us to move out, went to buy another vehicle which will need in about 6 months, his credit score is too low, I am so angry, he has got me in the poor house! I am angry at myself mostly, I should have never let him have so much control, but my entire life I had to made the decisions and stress over bills. I have learned a tough lesson, I really need to get away, I still will need a job and I will need to do this by middle of August. I am still going to visit my daughter in ND when kids are done school, I don't think he will want to go, but I am still going, I haven't visited with my daughter in over a year, I miss her so much! I might like it there and Stay.i don't know what to do. Can't afford to be on my own , and can't continue to be controlled by a narcissistic person ! , one that refuses to seek help!
Ahhh last day of April, I am not sure how I feel, I think a bit overwhelmed, I need to move, the lady I cared for fell and fractured her pelvis a couple weeks ago, she is on a rehabilitation place, but her daughters don't seem to think she will recover, when they visit her ,which isn't too often, she seems more confused, they put her in a place closer to them, but expect me to visit, it is 30 minutes from me and the daughter is only 10 minutes away, ughh I get so frustrated, I have young children and can't go there but once a week, I am not sure what they want me to do, they want her to come back and live in her home with us but ,I think they don't want her to come to their places on weekends, so we would have her here, and they would only come stay here with her when we had a scheduled vacation away , which we only have one planned, so I would not get any breaks , I don't think I can do that.but my husband didn't say a word to say that I needed time for myself.
