A Broken, Dusty Cup
I think I am giving up on this site. I keep trying to talk to someone on here, but, just like in my personal life, it feels like no one wants to talk to me. If someone does, I feel very self-conscious, and I assume that everyone is happier without me, and will not like me in the future. I have talked to dozens of listeners and majority of them, eventually, stop responding to me. I have even become so afraid of people disliking me, that I pretend to be okay and joke with them, even though I am in a hopeless state and I need to talk to someone. I know, because of my negative thoughts, that I need CBT, but I don't have the money, transportation, and the time to see anyone. I would probably be too afraid to speak, which would result in a waste of time for the therapist, but I really don't know what to do. I just wish I belonged, somewhere. I wish I can have a purpose.......but I don't here.. 
@RedPandaExpress88
Dont leave me my heart
i enjoy listening to you
and i want us to grow together and heal together
@RedPandaExpress88 Something makes you so scared and self conscious to be your true self. These people can't even see you and are miles away from you and you don't even know them personally, so their opinion genuinely doesn't really matter. However you take their responses is based on how you truly feel about yourself. What is wrong my dear? What is TRULY wrong?
@TransAm85
To answer your question, I hate my existence, and I feel like I'm in the way of everyone else's happiness-whether family, friends, significant others, and/or strangers. I'm stuck living a life, that I don't want to live in, and it hurts me.
@RedPandaExpress88 I used to feel like that and it destroys you mentally, physically, and emotionally. But you also need to realize that the negative views that you have of yourself are NOT what others think of you. We are being selfish and assuming all these things and not only hurting ourselves, but also our loved ones. Every single person on the face of this earth has flaws and that's what makes us all unique. Perfect imperfections. Those who have such high expectations are not the kind of people to associate with - they have insecurities of their own - and narcissistic people as well. You have to learn to love yourself and I am positive that there are many things to love about you. I don't like to hear people so disgusted w/themselves as you sound. You have a lot of potential and are beautiful inside and out. You just have to stand up to that negative voice in your head and tell them to shut up b/c you are a great person.
You're right. Thank you so much. *Hugs you for being a nice person, who understands* I wish you well, @TransAm85. Take care.
@RedPandaExpress88 I hope you feel better soon. It's almost 80 degrees here finally and I spent the weekend planting some flowers. My brother in law is very critical b/c he's just an unhappy person (he's 53 and lives w/his brother and sister-in-law) .. it used to hurt my feelings b/c I care about the guy, I mean he's like a big brother to me. But years have passed and I realized the guy is just so critical and grumpy b/c he is unhappy w/himself so he takes it out on the people he's close with. I used to be nervous to plant flowers and do things in the yard b/c I knew he would say something negative and critical. It's quite unfortunate for him to be so sad and unhappy. I don't want you to end up like my brother in law. 53 years old, lonely, and lives w/his younger brother b/c he doesn't want to be alone. You can conquer so much right now! Summer break, but have fun. I want you to be happy. :)
