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Context, I got this boyfriend, we’ll call T, we had classes since sophomore year when I had moved here, and we’re now seniors, he graduated early last month, I still have this semester to finish til graduation
Sunday: I usually cannot talk on the weekends due to strict parents, and the fact my phone had broke and I still haven’t yet to get a new one, but I got to contact T from my brother’s phone and I wanted to see how his weekend had been, he had said “I wanted to talk, it’s important, we’ll talk tomorrow” and I know he hates doing things over text, like a lot. And since I only have two classes, I get out of school at 12:30 instead of 3:30, but because my parents don’t know I see him every day since he drives, he has to bring me back to school at 3:30 so I can be on the bus home. Anyways, I managed to call, he said that it’s bad, it’s effecting us, it’s about me and my family and he refused to answer straightly if we were breaking up or not.
Monday: I finish up my last class and get in his car like I usually do, and we start talking as we drive back to his place. He tells me that we’re breaking up because, before he was with me, he was in a relationship w some other girl for five years (7th grade, to 12th) and he thinks he might have jumped too soon because it still hurt, but he still loves me so much, and loves me so much more than he loved her, but they had a lot of history though she was abusive, mentally, sexually, physically. Anyways, he also tells me that I need to get better with my mental health cause he knew it was bad to begin with, he just didn’t realize exactly how bad it was and things are clearly getting worse and I’m about to be 18 soon, and he wants me to move in with him right after graduation, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But, he tells me as well he can’t do this whole thing w my parents, that he wants to wait until I’m 18, my stress and everything has gone down, and I can live my life more freely and we can talk about trying again.
Tuesday: After I had told my dad about it, and my friends, a few of them, including my dad, had said that I was the rebound, when I knew that wasn’t the case, but they had got in my head so I had asked him about it, which he took major offense to that because he had said that it makes it seem like I don’t actually know him and that it showed I didn’t see how much he loved me if I were to just ask that because I started to believe what others were saying about us though they weren’t there, then he refused to answer me because he was upset.
Wednesday: I had a job interview he had agreed to take me to, and he would pick me up from school, take me to it, and drop me off. He had said he wasn’t going to talk to me at all and after this day that would be it and he’ll never talk to me again because of what happened Tuesday. But after he had saw me, he knew that he couldn’t do that. Anyways, we didn’t really talk until after the interview, we got a lot out. I didn’t realize how badly I had hurt him by asking what I did, and I see that now, but I wish he would also see it how I meant it, though I wasn’t also in the full right. Anyways, at one point he had asked what was I thinking about, and I had said “I hurt you, and I can’t fix that, I didn’t mean to hurt you, you are the last person I ever want to hurt and I want to make it right but I can’t” and I broke down, cried, etc. and I had said that I think I need a week to myself, he had then said that after today that we will have no contact with each other at all until I turn 18, I told him expect a text at midnight then and he said he’ll be awake for me. We ended up having sex before he dropped me off, but we agreed to waiting.
Thursday: I had realized what I want to do with my living situation once I turn 18, (I have divorced parents so my stability is the back and forth, though my mom doesn’t have primary custody of me since I testified against her in court, cause let’s face it, she’s a bad person) (also T just got a job that’s out of town Monday-Wednesday) I feel as if the most beneficial thing for me to do for I want to do in life so I can get there, is for the weekend I’m suppose to be at my mom’s after I’m 18, instead of going there, Friday after school I’ll go to T’s place until Sunday so time before he has to leave for work, and for him to also get rest on Thursday and Sunday as well. But after school is over and once I’m back from being out of state for my dad’s childhood friend’s wedding, I’ll stay with T from Thursday afternoon or evening until Sunday some time. (Also T has a lot of people living at his place for such a small home, though I adore his family, his family is great and I love them, I’m not yet comfortable being around them by myself, especially for a few days) So I feel I should stay with my dad when T is gone, but back when he’s home, and after like 8 months at the least, maybe a year of this, then I’ll move in. But this also doesn’t mean that once it’s summer that I can’t occasionally stay the full week, or head over a day or two early. I’ll compromise for him, I just hope he can understand that I need baby steps and I hope he’s okay with this plan.
Friday: Today, the fact that I have to go 32 days without talking to him hurts. And that’s fully setting in. I’m trying to focus on other things, like the things I need to do to be better, and to be healthy and get to where I want and need to be in life, and that’s helping some. But I miss him. I miss him a lot, I just want to ask how his day is, and what he ate, what he talk about to his brothers, if he got to see his little sister, what his mom had said, and what he did with his friends and if work was good or not. But I can’t. I can’t know anything about his life for a month. And that’s killing me because I want to talk. I want to say hi. I want to ask and to know, though I do know, I just want to hear that he’s missing me right now how I’m missing him.
