@MusicCandy @SadMe70 A place to communicate

Thank you for the picture. It is really pretty. I love getting out in nature almost more than anything else. ( but not cold).I did not get out today, but your post and another response I got from an answer I left was so nice and encouraging - that made me feel better. I know now that you understand how hard it is to interact with my mother. She appears to be so wonderful to other people, and my fiance gets along with her fine which takes some of the pressure off me. She asked me about what kind of BP CUFF she needed to get for herself( even though the nurses at the home will ck it any time) and a special Bible she wanted so I ordered them online. she said "I didn't expect you to do that". Of COURSE she did. Oh well, I'm in a better mood now.

Work is OK today so we will see how it goes- a long night ahead. I know what you mean about the depression pit. I experienced that too where you just don't have the energy or motivation to even try to pull yourself up out of it. Zoloft helped me some even though I was in a fog somewhat- I was able to cope and go to work until things smoothed out. I gues we can mention a brand name drup here on out private chat even though I know its a no-no in general.

I am crazy about sharp cheeses too- I'd be right on that snack plate. Goes well with wine. I am determined to do better tomorrow than I did last Sunday with getting back on a normal track of eat-sleep-get up, and not too much wine. I was miserable for 2 days.I do have to make a dish for the homeless shelter Monday, but I'm off teaching too - so I hope we both have a restfull day. I'm going outside!

Just one more thing - if you EVER feel so down that you don't even feel like posting to me, don't feel bad about that. I will understand. I had a little of that feeling about not posting a cheery note to you last time - but I know you understand too. We don't need one more thing to feel bad about. ... right? It will always get better eventually.

My mother-in-law was just like that, with acting so friendly and wonderful around certain people. My own parents did not believe us for years when we would tell them the way she acted around her own family, and they never saw it first hand to really really understand. Certainly her church friends and people at her retirement community saw only the nice side. She was so nasty to my father-in-law it was shocking to me. I never saw someone act that way. And she emotionally manipulated her children all the time.

I tried a whole bunch of different meds for about a year and a half, and they helped my depression but never my anxiety. I continued to pick my finger skin to bits in every single med. The last one I was on made me get light-headed for hours on random mornings and I just had enough so I quit taking it in Nov. Even my husband does not know that. He would not be able to tell because so far I have managed to be ok without it.

The cheeses were yummy! I drank too much on Saturday and slept badly so I drank none yesterday and stll slept badly. I could have just had the wine! I am starting off the day generally grumpy at something my husband did after I went to bed last night, with good intentions, but not what should have been done and now I have to be the bad guy about it when he was just trying to be nice to me. I hate it when he puts me in that position.

Writing to you actually helps me, makes me think about good things to say, but also gives me a place to safely get unhappy things off my chest. I think we should agree that either of us can post the not-so-happy stuff. We both need somebody who sympathizes and sometimes even understands pretty closely. And you are right that we shouldn't feel bad about it. I think that being able to tell each other the bad with the good is really a part of healthy living - we have to have somewhere to get it out.

That is a relief! Y E S - you can unload to me anytime, my best buddy. And again, if you are so exhausted,down/depressed or whatever that you cannot even post a msg. to me- I will just wait and trust that you will when you can. ( i hope the same for me) My bipolar nurse friend was so needy most of the time that i felt guilty for not responding to her-- but -- sometimes u don't have the energy and if that is how it is- then don't feel guilty on my behalf. There are definitely things that I don't share with most anyone- even my fiance ( we do live together) but I know I can trust you. I have had those "too much wine" nights that u don't sleep well, u wake up feeling blah, and at least half the day goes blah too. You do feel that a little wine would help even that. Life sucks sometimes and you can be absolutely free to tell me all about it.

I consider myself an "outreageous optimist", that is i know in the end I believe that everything will somehow be OK, but there are always times when i just feel bad about present circumstances. Blessings are in the background and there are so many people who have it worse( let's see, China, India, Somalia, ect.). Tomorrtow is a new day - take hold of whatever you can to bring you happiness- I'll do the same. I'm, grabbing the sunshine afternoons.

Well its Wednesday, and even more stress. Thr preschool Director where I teach is getting on my very last nerve. I noticed before that she is very controlling, and seems hyper- high strung just normally. Last year she did some of the "this is how you need to run your class, I want you to ,, That idea isn't good,, and so on. This year she is coming in, changing the songs, suggesting that it is time to get up and march- to the kids- when I always keep the movement activities at the end - saying that something I taught is "way over their heads" - I am finally over it. I've done these classes for 25 years and I stay up on current school readiness pedagogy- I am dreading class now. But I have to stick it out untill the end of this year and then , that's it. It isn't much money and I do it because it is fun AND educational, - fir me and the kids- and now It feels awful. I've lost sleep, broken out in hives- I wish I could make it work with her but I can't.

The rest of the stressors aren't gone either- I am just going to say that I have ways to release this stress and do more of those things. Food is terrible, but exercise is still good. Its the one thing that Always does help with stress , , and the wine of course.

I will be back at work tomorrow night so I'll ck in with you then. I hope your week is OK, but if not- I can relate and I want to hear all about it!

I'm so sorry to hear about the preschool director! We have one person at work like that but she has not been too bad lately. I hope you can stand it for the rest of the year. Maybe she will get distracted by something else and stop coming into your class so much. Sounds very unprofessional of her to come in and make changes on the fly like that. Speaking as someone who works with kindergarteners on early literacy skills, I am glad there are people like you out there in preschools. They are lucky to have you!

My dad filled up with fluid again, 2.5 liters this time, so today they put a permanent drain in his chest so he can be drained at home in the future. The procedure went well and he may go home tomorrow. They took a biopsy of some pleural tissue to try and figure out why he keeps filling up, and took a wedge out of one lung that didn't look so great. I think the drain will be a good thing.

I aggravated my bad shoulder on Monday of last week with a new triceps exercise that my trainer tried out with me and it is still bothering me despite ice and ibuprofen. I am so frustrated by this shoulder. I want to be working out so much harder but so many things set my shoulder off. A few wees ago I tried to make an appt with an orthopedist for this past Mon to see if I can get an MRI, but because I wanted to see a different doctor than the last time I was there (3 years ago!) they got all snotty with me and said they would have to talk to the business manager and call me back. They never called me back but I was so disgusted I would not have gone there anyway.

Other than evening sweets I am still eating well, wine consumption has been pretty low this week, and I have exercised in some way every day this week. I have not lost even one pound though! I treated myself to some "new" jeans from Goodwill on Monday and wore them for the first time today. New clothes are always fun!

I'm back at work tonight,Thursday. I still don't really like this new scedule, but I am dealing with it anyway. Today at school, the Director seemed to ignore me, eith just busy or on purpose- I don't know. But she didn't come in the classes, and I was so nervous I over=prepared in case she did. The kids were wild, spring fever I gues, but they don't bother me-I'm used to different moods on different days.

I am so sorry about your Dad's condition. I will say a prayer that the drain will help. And your shoulder - that has to be hard to live with. My sister fell and broke her shoulder at work years ago and she has always had trouble with it- cortison shots every so often. I didn't do a lot of exercise, but I got a walk in the sunshine at least . I'm also a big fan of Goodwill and thrift stores. I can walk to the shopping center where there is most everything, and a ministry thrift store that I love. I had the "bug" today too and got a green top for St. Patrick's Day. I can't believe Lent is next week. I am feeling disjointed about so many things- I'm only going to try to do the daily meditations.

Hope your Friday goes well, I'll check back in with you over the week-end. It's supposed to be warm- Yea!

Hello, I'm glad you had a better day at school. Crossing my fingers for you that the director will stay away more. How are things at the hospital? Do you know how long you will have this schedule?

My dad is still in the hospital and probably going to rehab again, maybe tomorrow. I really want to get up and see him but it's hard to get coverage for my animal feeding, and I am not comfortable having my husband do it alone. Today I had lunch with my older son in Fredericksburg and then we did his taxes, which are pretty straightforward so it didn't take very long. It was a nice visit with him.

Yesterday a friend let me down about something and I was in a funk all day, but I went to the state park and hiked for an hour and a half. So even though I was thinking about how angry I was, at least I was getting fresh air, sunshine, and exercise! I found some more online low-impact cardio workouts that I like, from something called the Body Project. I did a 30 min one this morning. I made all my exercise goals this week and most of my PT ones.

A few months ago I tried making rabbit stew for the first time, because there is a local farmer who sells through a store in Fredbg. I never cooked or even ate rabbit before, so I'm trying to branch out with my recipes. Yesterday I made rabbit tarragon and it was good. Tonight I'm having leftovers from the lunch with my son. I did no cooking for the week, so it's going to be mostly stuff from the freezer and carryout this week!

Mom just called with the results of dad's pleural biopsy. Mesothelioma. They are not going to put him through chemo at age 90 and with all his other health problems. Sitting here crying.

o my dear dear friend/buddy.. Cry,cry cry. And take time off school. I was going to talk about the other stuff you mentioned before, but now all that seems trivial.. OK, just one joke. Southerners keep rabbits as pets AND food. but- Seriously, I am so terribly sorry about your Dad. I went thru an illness with my Dad and I was miles away, and he lived alone. It broke my heart in so many pieces. He had a stroke and we went thru arranging home care ( they stole valuables including priceless WWI memorabilia from His father) but , now that was all just,, stuff.. He left us 10 years ago. I miss him.

Just do what is most important. don't miss a moment that you can share. I wish I could take care of your animals,,,, so how far away am I exactly?.. i bet the goats are fun to play with. I would be there in a heartbeat just to help you spend time with you precious Dad,,, and your mom. Write when you can, and if you are overwhelmed and can't get to it- I Totally understand. just know in your heart of hearts that my deepest prayers go out to you and your family. I know what you are going thru. i'm here for you in any way I can . The Lord is our helper and our strength.

This is the first thing I looked at today and you are so very incredibly sweet to say that you wished you could take care of my animals. Just knowing you are out there wishing things like that for me is so kind. I tried talking to a listener last night and they mean well but the responses are so canned feeling. It helps me so much more to communicate with you here.

The animal care is really the main thing keeping me from getting to go up more often on weekends. My husband has so much trouble getting around and he could easily fall or get otherwise hurt out there in the pen himself. I am going to have to rely on him to do that though if I am going to get to see my dad much. My younger son comes home for spring break this Friday. I'm going to take off the following Friday, 3/10, to take him up to see dad. I'm not even sure where dad will be, rehab or home, but hopefully rehab.

My mom is a strong woman and she has been taking a lot of care of him, but she is 78 herself and can't, for example, bathe him or get him off the floor when he falls. My two sisters have done a LOT too. My younger sister especially did paperwork last year so she could start taking a lot of unpaid leave under FMLA after she used all her leave up. She and her husband make a lot of money and are able to afford it, and I guess her work is flexible enough for her to be gone a lot. I'm so grateful for her being there.

Home health has been doing really well for dad so far, and probably after rehab he'll go on home hospice. Since my mom is there, I guess that has helped with any theft possibilities, which I'm sure is common. That did happen to my mother-in-law who had a lot of valuable stuff around her house including a lot of cash. My parents don't have much actually, so there is little to take!

We should have baby goats soon and that will give me something to smile about. Playing with babies always eases stress! I could not keep track of the breeding dates but I think one may be due about March 14 and the other about Apr 5.

I ended yesterday crying and started today out crying but getting it all out this morning will help me hold it together at work. It is Dr. Suess birthday week so we have a different fun theme every day. Yesterday was silly hats, today is silly socks. That will help to distract me during the day.

Thank you so much for being here. You are the best buddy I could imagine.