Bullying
Why I am not seeking any support in groups anymore.
Trigger Warning: mention of suicide (other people, not myself)
Yesterday in the afternoon, I sought support on a group chat, my beloved Sharing Circle. At least, it used to be “beloved.”
I did bring up my issue I was hoping to toss into the group for what is usually intelligent and supportive feedback. Very quickly, the topic of the group conversation became: Bullying.
Which was fine, when it was us exploring our own attitudes towards bullying and what we were doing about them, but less so, when one of the participants in the Sharing Circle started engaging in vicious bullying of their own.
I felt compelled, in my mind, to defend a person I knew well, who was not standing down, and who called out the bully. I am proud of that person. I didn’t, at that moment in time, have the personal resources to do or say anything beyond that. I tried to share a story about a bully who got Karma, but then later, after exiting the Sharing Circle, my mind turned to another case, that had a much less rosy ending, where the boy turned to suicide as his solution for long-lasting bullying he was enduring at his school. My mind also turned to a beloved co-worker, who took her own life after being bullied by, of all people, her own husband.
These thoughts made me feel very sad. And the sadness has persisted to today, when I am still feeling this mourning of the loss of these two souls, along with other souls (would you like me to list them?) who have died at their own hand because of being bullied: by others, by society, by their own families, by their terrible feeling of unworthiness.
Sometimes I am sad anyway about the turn society seems to take, with bullies being rewarded for their bad actions.
Also, I didn’t like it that it took at least fifteen minutes for a Community Mod to show up after they had been called.
I’m tired of reporting this sort of thing.
I’m tired of taking screen shots. I’m tired of trying to keep up with people who have rogue accounts or who create accounts just to pester, bother and torment other people who are coming here for support. Some really mean and manipulative people out there. Who needs that energy?
I’m tired of seeing my friends leave this site because they have been bullied terribly.
All of this is wearing out my soul.
I will take a rest now. Perhaps I will deactivate my account. Perhaps not. I have a choice.
I already know that it will do no good to “report.” This has proven to be like a Timeless and Endless Vortex of Shame and Uselessness when I have done it.
So, I will withdraw from this site until I have found my own Center and Ground again.
Which will surely happen.
In the meantime, to the Bullies, I would like to say this:
1. Don’t mock people.
2. Don’t taunt or tease people about the things they are sensitive about. That’s mean.
3. If you have nothing nice to say here, don’t say anything.
4. Stop picking fights.
5. Leave this site for people who are seeking support.
6. Your actions as a Bully are not welcome here.
7. I am angry at your actions, and I choose to not engage.
8. I will not mute you, because you are, sadly, part of society.
9. I will tolerate you, but in the case of this website, I have a choice, so I will not enter groups for now.
10. I will continue to live, and I will live well in spite of your sad attempts at mocking and meanness.
11. Go away.
12. When you figure how to act better, maybe you can come crawling back.
13. You possibly will find people to help you, or you will find people who Remember and who seek Justice. And Justice will be Served.
Sincerely yours,
Patience
@PatienceImpatiens
Things like this is why as much as I long for social support, I have a fear of actually seeking it, especially in online groups. I have had people use my personal trauma against me as weapons in arguments. I have been in group chats where entire servers turned against me.
@PopPunkPrincess17
I know how it feels though it is not an entire, only 1, and not in group chat. But in a subtle way when a narcissist and a mean guy deliberately tried to trigger. Because he pressured me once, and I refused to do what he wanted, and now he doesn't like that I got compliments. Then he got persuaded by a narcissist and conspired them.
@CoolMeCool
Cool, I think bullying by a narcissist applies here. Only people who are insecure themselves and feel they have to establish some sort of dominance, will bully. A narcissist is insecure, or they would not have to control so much. So I hear you, and I thank you for posting here.
@PatienceImpatiens
Thank you for writing this important topic.
We often being abuse by the narcissist bully, they intimidate us in subtle ways to get reactions from us. The world would be better off without the narcissist .
Hi my name is Jamie I do understand what this person is going through because I have been bullied in my past because of being different and I also do have mental health issues as.
Well and I know it is not that easy and I think I am the right person to talk to about this stuff because I know what it is like to get bullied on and I have tried to committed suicide before.
in the past and now I have my life back on track and lastly I am a very good listener.
@PatienceImpatiens as a person who used to be a victim of bullying... i do know about this too well and it still affect me even at this day
@PatienceImpatiens Don't worry. I've been there, before, so you are not alone... Never forget that... 🔥
@PatienceImpatiens
Hi, i stumbled upon this as i do go on here and then i dont i take breaks i used to alot but as you said there are good and bad days and then there are some but very few that ruin things or have a hidden agenda and i think thats the best thing you can do is whats best for you , but your motives are good but having the knowledge of outcomes is a huge deal for someone anyone to find out , how bullies can destroy people and i dont have any answers but only to do what is best for you , its odd cooincidence due to i got on here today because of my bully my partner who is not himself even at all, and i think that stumbling on your post was ment to be and i wonder if others have the courage as you posted to be themselves like you do and you should be proud of yourself and why people do things like the bullies or like ones that took thier lives i dont know why but you seem to be you no matter what and i think thats the solution , dont let people change you and become as they are or dont become someone else and quit , taking a break thats different and needed yes and im sure you later will decide about support group or not but you cant fix people and or control what they do only how you react right to them , and i feel its a needed subject to know how people interact in groups or socially in a group vs how they interact one on one and it would seem that you had both of that gone on people you knew ? and seem that bullying is one way that can be both and i never thought of that before , usually like you said of all people you can at least count on not perfect but count on your husband or partner right usually you might expect that in a group but not one on one or am i wrong , i mean there always a leader of the bullies like encourage it and so on i guess its needed people like you to show up say something and although you think you didnt stop it or you didnt fix it i bet you did just this time you never found out because no one hurt themself for all you know something you said or was on the group said maybe saved someone so i hope you later get back on your group and keep being you im sorry you had to go thru this but im glad i came on here to see your post i m dealing with someone mean right now who deny s it but thank you and good luck to you
@PatienceImpatiens
hello again i thought of you and i wanted to add more of what i feel you need to know that your part in doing what you can or need would matter , so i later experienced bullying ok at my home , where i had attempted much like you to try to make a difference ok and i was kind and i took the situation as being positive and tryed and much like you , that did not make a difference exactly what you said in regard to the bullies stoping them and very unpredictable too where it did not seem to matter what i did to try to help ok at all as you mentioned frustrating but i well stood up to them later as the bullies appeared later , i was appauled due to i dont stay out in area of house to hear most of it and have if let say i merely sit in my little living room area close to the area that they stay and apparently invite bullies ? to spend time in there ? i dont know why that to me seems strange , so i thought of you and though ok so standing up to bullies is empowering yes but does it make a difference no ? , i mean if another person stands up for victims ? to me it just seem to give the bullies more reason to continue to bully , what im experiencing is another type of bullying ok as a parent of adult now children ok and of children years ago , so maybe you might consider this group or read about it and its called the parental alienation foundation and supposedly every state has that group ok in usa , ? and there books written and there is a actual program that parents who have had other parents or family members brainwashed against them can take steps to offset the lies and games and bullying thier children even adult children endure , i had to do that years ago upon a car accident and upon vindictive other parents and family of who i divorced and separated from as you say is important to rest and take breaks but with relationships marriage and family thats hard to make that choice so again you are brave to do that for now , so honesty it gave me tools to have a journal of facts and truth not what bullies lie and drama do say ok , it took a long long time for some of my adult kids and family to come to the realization that what was said was not true and manipulative and lies much like you witnessing what bullies did to the two people you mentioned , how it effected you is important ok , im wondering too since standing up to them didnt work out much to change or stop it if handling how to deal with it is key and yet its so so hard and i found myself blaming and wondering who teaches people to bully and why ? maybe thats the most important part now because if nothing else seems to work , as far as the parental alienation foundation yes they know why ok its parent vs parent or family vs family ok brainwashing against each other is the motive there are books and it too shows how children in the middle end up really torn up and apart from having to balance being in the middle so i hope you dont put yourself in the middle of it all from now on and im going to try to do the same as i have recent but since its my house others feel its my responsibility where i cant have abuse in my house adult vs adult ok , and its hard not to blame let say whoever taught the bullies to be this way and given in this case factually told when i asked why do you do this or say that i was given the answer that she was raised that way ? but who rasied the male person in my house being a bully name calling ok grown adults doing that seems no way any relation to me and im told well you let her move in and who she is envovled with ok yet i didnt i only invited my adult kids to move in covid why most of when and why and had been on own and as far as house sales and there are reasons ok its not my fault to lower my standards values due to that they took advantage of me letting them move in here , there are added as you mention retailiative behavior too like threats so domestic violence plays a huge part in bullying too so check that too site they have every state and in usa , i dont have the answers but i wanted to share other agencies and groups in case some of that was why your two people endured possibly or if that might help you not envolve yourself and how it effects other people envolved is just as bad so you did the right thing , but it was shocking last night when right after i even was kind try to make a good difference it ended up did not matter like you said and i thought of you , it helped me end it and stop engaging with the bullies , its my house then they went to sleep thankfully and all i heard before that was name calling and other terrible things said trying to make whoever is in the room feel bad about themselves and us here all lies too , cruel ok since i dont know who is in there doing what its very hard for me to figure out a plan but you did your plan and i say stick to it and dont let yourself be hurt by what bullies did to others ok please dont ill try if you try
defending the victim didnt work for me it just made it easier for the bullies to use that against me that i stood up to them and lie twist things and thats called gas lighting , so be careful and maybe join other groups as i mention above and hopefully you can work thru all this but put yourself first i was always told for years ok upon couseling that if i didnt put myself first how would i help anyone anyway i didnt like that idea but it end up very true ok so thats all i just wanted to say what happen yesterday later on i had such high hopes like you did and i ended up right back into the hands of bullies even in my own house and ill have to figure this out soon and i think you are brave to remove yourself from the entire situation is best for you yes , unfortunately i cant do that here i live here its my house , i hate to have to have the victims suffer here along with the bullies due to they cover up lies who is really doing what and its in my house and its effecting everyone that lives here and both the victim and the bulliers dont care even , i did though reach out to someone hoping that both the victims and the bullies realize that some form of intervention is needed now , i added fact told them that this is not love that people that love each other do not say and let each be mistreated this way thats not love and saying you love someone thru abuse is not normal i dont know how that made any difference either ok at all and the other odd thing is they dont seem to know things that are hidden then it got ugly too when details were brought up and i asked questions to prove to me that oh you love this person how and what is facts of that tell me then the person said discusting things to me of what is love and then i actually realized why someone says names and calls names why if thats really how this person thinks and i do blame who raised her period and im not her mom even and i dont see why my son or would even be with her or her with him anymore even the entire relationship is about bullying and then parental alienation from me his mom and our family so its twice as bad ok but im going to think of you how you did it and you removed yourself from situations and im going to try hard to separate myself even though they live here i just feel its wrong since its my house and they dont follow civil rules even thankfully there no kids envolved yet us adults dont need this either its my older years now and i deserve better than to go thru this , i have to figure out if i force her out that my son will be effected yet i realize that he is anyway she is just with whoever using my house as a place to do it in his own families house and she is being mistreated too ? i tryed to explain to both of them and whoever is in there even i feel im lied to about that this is not love and why its not definately not , my sitaution is hard due to they even attempt to say they love each other i mean its rediculous imagine a bullly and or allowing a bully to be around who you say you love or you do that to who you say you love and im wondering what that means , so i added feel each bully incident is different
and varied the answers are hard to say , i added didnt do anything to cause this ok and i keep wondering why i have to have gone thru this and that keeps going back to lies and the parental alienation situation from the past and it wont go away even , i m not a quitter but i might have to rethink situation and decide whats best for me and others effected by this here ? its going to hard for me to figure things out with out compromising my position and my values and i think thats what you are going thru i say keep your values anyway dont let the bullies change who you are ok anyway thats all im upset i have important stuff today to do and yet i have to have this in back of my mind and got harassed last night and had to listen to bullies in their room torment people name calling and other it was awful , but your post made me realize im not alone going thru this , so thank you and hoping i can separate myself from this too i just am like you i want to save people but if they dont stand up for themselfs others doing it wont matter like me and like you ok so take care and thank you i feel you did the right thing
@PatienceImpatiens Only if this warning really worked these bullies only care about themselves and feel powerful because their own life is Fu*ked. I have been bullied before the only lesson I have learnt that the bullies always win the only solution is to knock their teeth out and show that your no taking any sh*t from them. I was a coward I wished just one firm punch on their jaw and they would start to respect me. I reached out to others but nothing blamed me instead because they were a group accusing me and I was alone.
