Few Effective Steps To Deal With Trolls
Trolls are everywhere on the internet but it doesn’t mean they should ruin your day. Dealing with trolls is never a fun experience.
As per Wikipedia, a troll is: “…a person who posts inflammatory, insincere, digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog), with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses, or manipulating others’ perception.”
In simple words, they are someone who enjoys disrupting supportive atmospheres and attacking people. They thrive on attention. The more attention you give them, the more they thrive. The more people they trouble, the more they feel better about themselves.
I see them as someone who had a rough time in their life and didn’t get much support and attention. But instead of seeking support through appropriate channels, they follow the path of disruption as it seems to draw others’ attention more quickly than any other way. And, soon it becomes an addiction for them to feel seen, acknowledged, and heard by others. But, it is an unhealthy approach that they developed and I wish they may take the healthy path and get all support they deserve. May they get well soon and have a swift recovery from this vicious cycle of disrupting support for others.
Please know needing attention is not bad. But, needing attention and taking the wrong route is bad/harmful because it is not doing any good to anyone.
This topic is necessary to discuss in order to find ways to tackle this challenge. In this post, I am sharing a few tips that you may use to handle this unwanted mess and have better support and peace of mind.
Before we dive into tips, trolls can target anyone, if they choose to instigate conflict with you, know that it is nothing personal. Therefore it is helpful to know these tips in case you end up needing them.
- Zero Attention, Zero Trolls
They thrive on your attention. The more you engage with them, the more they will trap you in, provoking further to get engagement and give responses. It is a vicious loop. It needs to break.
I know it is difficult to restrain yourself from giving a response but, by replying, you are adding fuel to the fire. In order to break this cycle, all you need is not to engage with them.
- Mute, Block, Report
As much as it is hard to restrain from giving a response, you will need this step. It is necessary because the troll might not stop and keep coming. Please use your personal mute, report, and block buttons to get rid of them from your space. If they are in a live group chat, and if everyone uses their personal mutes and reports them, they will be cleaned out from the room and everyone can continue having their support or friendly conversations until a moderator may remove them completely.
But, sometimes they get on your nerves, and you may forget to use the above two tips and instead you started engaging with them in a spat. In those situations try these!
- Decompress yourself
Before giving any reaction or response, take a deep breath and know they don’t know you. Nothing is personal there. They just want to make you upset and achieve their goal of garnering attention.
With that thought, keep yourself calm and composure to return and respond to them. Try to keep an open and clear mind.
- Disarm them with Kindness and Humor
I know it is not easy to respond with compassion to some hurtful and hateful comments. But as trolls are usually looking to pick fights in order to prove their point, try the opposite route. The route of kindness and humor.
When you are not giving them anything to pick a fight with, they disengage soon and switch to targeting another member. But if we all do the same, they may decide to leave. And it is 110% effective because I noticed it utilized by a bunch of members in the group chats.
Rather than becoming defensive, respond to them with a kind, uplifting and positive approach. Use your humor and have some good laughs. However, keep your boundaries in check. Because sometimes in the flow, you might overstep and the outcome will be the opposite of disarming them. Instead, they will engage further and take their troll game to the next level.
Please know trolls are as big as you make them. They thrive on drama. If you do not participate, you are successful in eliminating them in their own game.
We all have our fair share of challenges and struggles and we need support. Not some drama by some attention-seeking folklore. Please utilize your time in the community to share, discuss, talk and vent about your challenges and get support and listen, inspire and encourage others to share and offer support. We all can use some support in this healing journey.
Let’s take a pledge today that we won’t let any troll thrive on our watch. We won’t engage and instantly, mute, report, and block them. We will take care of ourselves and each other together.
- Handling trolls: Using the Science of Behaviour Change
- Trolling and How To Protect Yourself
- Trolling: Mutual Responsibility! Here is how you can help!
- Trolling Immunity Oath
@ASilentObserver this is great, thank you!
@ASilentObserver Thank you so much for taking the time to make such a lovely and helpful post on how to handle people who love to create conflict in the rooms.
@ASilentObserver
Thank you! This was a really helpful post.
Thank you for this information. It's very unfortunate It's happening but this was a great piece of information. It's unfortunate its come to this but the information on how to handle trolls is extremely helpful.
Lovely post, thank you. Some of the concepts reminds me of those in the book ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker!
@ASilentObserver
Many thanks Obs! 😊❤️ Well said and beautifully written! 😊❤️😊👍
@ASilentObserver
Thank you for this Obs❤️❤️❤️❤️
@ASilentObserver this is pretty cool Obs! You discuss it openly and clearly.
I'm leaning to 'disarm them with kindness'
From my personal experience here, it hurts when our intention to help paid back with a cruel joke. But... I've learned that they don't attack humbleness and kindness.
Many of them are good people at heart. I can be oblivious, until they said it themselves, "Okay, I'm only here to mess around, but I can't do this to you." like you said, they hurt others because they're are probably hurting too.
Stay kind everyone! 💜
Step by step. :) 💥
@ASilentObserver
Oooh Obziee on a roll today with awesome posts directed towards fostering a healthy environment in chatrooms. So very appreciated, Obziee. I'm glad you made this thread and shared your wonderful insights on the same. ❤
Funny how we need to constantly remind people (some people) to be kind, appropriate, respectful, compassionate, supportive towards each other, on a platform that is for emotional support (but oh well, internet is that place with all kinds of people mhm?) ~ I understand and consider the fact that not everyone shares the same experiences in life, and life did throw some extra lemons on others, while their struggles and feelings are more than valid, it shouldn't ever give them the privilege to use their hurt to hurt other people.
"Hurt people hurt people" ? *personally* I feel, this shouldn't be normalized so much that the people towards whom unkindness is being directed feel guilty into being "tolerating" despite everything, perhaps we can try "Hurt people help other hurt people to heal so they may as well move along their own healing journey" Or "Hurt people know how it feels to be hurt and so they try their best to not hurt others" that way, I feel more people can connect better and heal together. We are all for support and compassion after all.
Not to generalize but, It is downright upsetting and unfair when someone uses their struggles to *shield* their wrong doings, someone else may not have as "visible" or well, "loud" struggles, but please be mindful, life throws lemons towards *everyone*. And everyone's struggles are valid, the same. If one person can still practice kindness despite what they are going through/ have gone through, so can *you*, least of all, I believe even keeping kindness at bay lol (considering kindness may be too much for some to practice) we can all practice more of humanity and treat everyone as human ~ that much decency is what I feel should be *inevitably* there within everyone.
Alsooo, there's this amazing forum post about why we should avoid using the word "troll" in the first place, and I'd like to share it here for everyone to check out as well, I like what they said about words having meaning and how we can be more mindful of such: https://www.7cups.com/forum/ListenersOnlyForums_38/Questionsforlisteners_83/Howusefulisthewordtrollon7Cups_26869/1/ (Thread is only accessible to listeners)
To end with, I would like to really thank you, Obziee for investing your time in giving out so many reminders.
Kindness does beget kindness, and our first and foremost approach towards people who engage in trolling behavior/ actions should be to remain kind, polite, supportive, professional ~ disengage and step away if need to, and ofcourse, last resort with reporting and blocking (it's not nice to use these options, but sadly, the absolute last resort in ensuring our wellbeing, and as they highlight see something, say something -- because sometimes not doing anything about it and taking disrespect and hurt in the name of being kind lets people feel they can get away with anything with no consequences).
I'd like to further extend a thanks to everyone who is involved in group support in anyway, be it a member, listener, host, mod etc, who tries their super best to foster a safe, inclusive, supportive, encouraging, comfortable environment for everyone. *you* are awesome. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Hi Good Day Sunshine! 😊❤️ You bring up some very very good points! I thought it was just me that would think this way. The whole "hurt people hurt people" thing. I agree with you that just because you are one of those "hurt" people, it doesn't give anyone a *licence to ill* on others. It's still wrong!
As you spoke of, it's not okay to compare pain to pain around here. 7 cups believes in what is called the "wounded healer". Yup, many of us that roam this site are incredibly wounded people. No one ever knows what someone has gone through in the past or is currently going through. Meh, it could potentially surprise many what I have gone through in my lifetime *shrugs shoulders* Maybe and maybe not. What really matters is that kindness matters always! ❤️
Many times, those that have been incredibly wounded, those that have been hurt, somehow find a way to walk through the fire, come out on the other side and bring buckets of water to the rest! They do this as opposed to hurting others.
Many times the "wounded healer" can be the best listener ever! They can be people that have unending amounts of compassion and empathy as well as patience. They don't compare their pain to anyone elses. There is no "one upping" in chats and not even in the mindset during a chat. They understand that the highest level of hurt, pain for their member is potentially that members highest level. And so everyone deserves their space and time.
They potentially have a great deal more patience for their teammates in pm's or in public rooms. Yes, they are slow to anger and quick to forgive types. This might be the types that put up with a great deal more, do their best to turn things around and many times kindness can be mistaken for weakness!
It's unfortunate if others around can't see 7 cups as sacred ground. That 7 cups is a gift to us all. 7 cups isn't anyone's personal playground or litter box and the teammates that have found a home here aren't anyone's emotional punching bag.
Everyone is like a sponge and comes to their own personal "saturation point" with others. Just like a sponge, it can only hold but so much water before it can hold no more. I for one have a very high threshold so when I have said, "enough is enough" it might be a wee bit sad, lol. People should learn the rules of engagement. If they can't and won't it's wonderful how 7 cups gives us so many options.
I love how 7 cups tells us we can use our personal mute buttons. We collectively, as a team can silence people that are here to harm others. I love how 7 cups tells us we do not have to remain in any chat, at all, no matter what the reason is. 7 cups does not judge the listener in that way. I love how 7 cups gives us the option of the block button with the reporting feature. I love how 7 cups tells us we can screen shot, send it to community@7cups as well as providing us with forms (reports) to fill out and report inappropriate behavior.
And here is the big one...7 cups does not require us to entertain fellow listeners via pm. We just don't have to. We don't have to have casual chit chat. We are allowed to have polite friendships but we are also allowed to have boundaries within them as well. If people don't understand our boundaries when they are behaving in precisely the way that Obs mentioned above, well blocking, as unfortunate as it may be, can be the very best option! And yes, there are times that fellow listeners can exhibit what clearly appears to be "trolling" type behaviors and it can go on for months.
I for one have been remiss in this area in the recent past. But I have to remember what I said to myself "learn to return". I have to be here for everyone not just one person, all day, every day to behave badly towards me. It's not "me cups", it's not "them cups" it's 7 cups!
Good Day Sunshine, *high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️
@SparkyGizmo
Sparkyyy Sparkkkk *hugs tight*, not gonna lie, when I was typing out my reply, I was wondering what if I'm the only one who thinks this way, what if someone else reading this doesn't understand or even try to see what I actually mean (I know you'd agree with how the "all eyes on me" monster creeps in and makes us want to "blend in" ~~ but we are born to stand out, right? Haha) And then I don't know how, but I just had you in mind, somehow your name popped in my mind and i kinda knew let no one understand or agree, i know i just somehow know lol, that there's atleast one person who would understand, who would see things as I do and who would want me to share how I think here. That person is *you*, it's almost as if I manifested your reply to my post now it seems, universe really works in mysterious ways, gotta give it that much lol.
Your reply to me means the world truly, if there's one person who sees things as I do and knows where it might be coming from, one person who believes in me all the way, nothing makes my heart more fuller to know that one person is *you*. And haha third time's a charm mhm? We really do "get" each other, I'm only grateful for it and for youuu. *high fives* and big big *hugs* back
I also wholeheartedly agree with what you said in another reply to this thread about the fine line difference between reacting and responding and how we should be mindful of such. Spot on again, my friend, clearly not surprised though, it's you after all. ❤
(On another hand, I remember how you took it on yourself to assure me how I actively "mentor" in multiple spaces in cups, Sparky Spark, now is my turn again xD it's incredible how you mentored here right in this thread about dealing such members and chats. Your "Gizzie-isms" never fail to make me proud and smile the widest) Keep shining and sparkling, You! ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Oh my wonderful Good Day Sunshine! 😊 big *hugs* ❤️ and *holds tight* ❤️ Glad you somehow knew, in your heart, that if I saw this forum post contribution that you made, that I would gladly respond to you! We truly do have the same mindset! If you ask me, it's because you truly embrace what 7 cups is all about, the core values and the culture here! You got this! For me, everything you said in this forum post is in perfect alignment with the true intentions of Obs as well!
I know what you mean about the "all eyes on me" monster. For some, it could creep in, make others want to blend in and create what I call "yes men or yes women". Also could be referred to as sycophants or even the children's story of the "Emperors New Clothes". This does nothing for personal growth as people or any type of entity. You my friend have seen me in action and for quite a while around here. I do not succumb to that and I'm confident you know this! lol
In the past, by others asking me my opinion via forum posts or in pm's and me giving it, it may have not fared so well for me personally. But I was asked, gave my honest answer and it always did come with a logical approach, intentionality, and for me walking down the path mentally with the very best of intentions.
What will work with this, what will not work with this? (I'm on the front lines, the one seeing it and each and every day. Sleeves rolled up, working hand in hand and arm in arm with my teammates). How can we work as team and acknowledge the pit falls of this plan before we are all faced with the potential consequences of them? No one ever deposited the truth scrolls with me. I have no need to ever be "right" I just want to help. I also see things as if, if you aren't part of the solution then you are only part of the problem, so........how about kind of tweaking it, maybe doing it this way?
I soooooo hear you! Some people in the past on this site took it as a personal attack when giving the opinion to a professional sought after question. I walked my path of authenticity. I look back in retrospect and I see that I was spot on. I was so spot and that's why these programs either didn't get any lift off the ground or are now defunct. Yup, not going to work and this is why! But people can get caught in the "cross hairs" when others are offended and simply want others to nod their head in a yes fashion and start to swirl the drain. Life is not a popularity contest. We have a community to build here! There are times when people will be disliked for following the rules, being in alignment with the core values and having a strong sense of integrity.
Good Day Sunshine, fear no more my friend! You are valued here as well as your opinions! In my heart, those days of being shunned, targeted, falsely reported are over! They just are! ❤️
The site went through a transition and the best thing that ever happened to us was @Heather225 taking the helm. I don't feel as if they have "changed the culture", it's that they had to get this place back into alignment with Glens original plan and brain child. These things take time to pay for the sins of another and "undo" some things. In the sales world it can be referred to as the "Bozo effect". H had to build a team, onboard @ASilentObserver @Hope and everyone had to endure what I call "growing pains" in the transition. The learning curve and the new team was all new at the same time for their roles. We have traction now! Ahhhhh, life is good!
I have seen growth and change in a positive direction. The forum areas are no longer allowed to be antagonistic or spiteful, the group rooms are now a wonderful place to be that display helpfulness, teamwork and enriching learning opportunities, false reports against others will no longer be tolerated and those that seek higher order badges simply for the opportunity to bully teammates that may not be as far along in the process will be addressed so that we all have the chance to learn and to grow!
Wooooooo hoooooooo! I'm glad you love my concept of "actively mentoring" all across the platform! I see you as quite brilliant my friend and you never miss an opportunity to actively mentor as well!
"All who wander are not lost". We just all need the chance to learn, grow, be heard and help others here on the site! Keep rocking the house! *high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️
