Group Support Prompt #2: What steps can we take to ensure that everyone's voice is heard and valued in our group?

@ASilentObserver

Thank you for continually providing a space for dialog and connection, Obziee!❤

I feel, the basics come in handy here as well.

♡ Welcome everyone entering to the room, whether they are new/old/ someone you just saw in a different room.

♡ Introduce the current topic, if any. Make them feel included in the conversation.

♡ Initiate with ice breakers, ask about how they are doing, plans for the day, encouraging them to participate in the chat also!

♡ Use active listening skills, or simply provide a safe, non judgemental space to talk, empathize and reflect where possible, encourage further conversation allowing the person to open up.

♡ In group chats, it's also important to minimize the side-talks, cliquey-ness and favoritism. Its valid for everyone to have their "favorite" people to talk to, or just some regulars they know more about and like talking to but when in a group, it is important to be mindful that everyone is an equal participant of the space and is allowed to talk/share/ connect/ participate equally.

♡ Encouraging topics more people could relate with, inviting everyone's thoughts on things, involving everyone to partake in the discussion.

♡ I've also noticed that some people feel it's only the listener's in the room or the moderators in the room that are "accountable" for their behavior, and/ or for keeping the behaviour of everyone in the room in-check, which isn't right, in my opinion.

Everyone should be equally accountable and responsible for their actions and behaviour. Being mindful of how they talk, how they act, what they talk about. Following the practice/ guidelines of 1. Being a decently-kind hooman being who considers others as hoomans equally valid and deserving of support too and #2 The chatroom rules/ general 7 cups guidelines laid out for everyone!

♡ I firmly believe that chatrooms are a "community" space and community includes *you* and I, there couldn't be anything better than everyone taking the responsibility to make it a safe, supportive, welcoming space for themself and each other, just merely starting with doing your personal bit; because it does count!

Looking forward to see what tips our amazing peers have to share here also!🥰

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Thank you for sharing your thoughts on creating a supportive community in the group chats, Sun. All the steps are important. You highlight several caring practices such as welcoming others, actively listening without judgment, and encouraging everyone to participate. Creating a space where all people feel valued is so meaningful.

@ASilentObserver Indeediooo and much appreciated, happy to contribute hehe!

Yeah, there is a LOT of cliquishness.

It used to be that you could barely join in the conversation, but people at least said hi. Now no one even acknowledges you.

@YSC1 It sounds like the changes in how people acknowledge each other have been difficult. You must feel quite left . How have these interactions made you feel? What steps do you suggest we can take to address it?

I honestly don't bother with them anymore. I would like to start using them again, but don't know what can be done.

@YSC1 Maybe start with small steps and know every good change is small at the start but gradually it creates a huge difference and ripple effects?

I agree. It makes sense. It would require a systematic change, which wouldn't happen overnight.

@ASilentObserver

Hi, 𓆸Tas here.

I appreciate this post. I think about groups, probably way too much: how they operate, what the possible therapeutic effect can be, how to make them run well. I’m also one of our older participants and have had years of experience in the real world with groups, with bureaucracies, with how decisions are made. In the real world I’ve been lucky enough to have some positions of responsibilities as a director of large groups of people, and I’ve also humbled myself and taken positions where I have had very small groups for which to be responsible. Prior to any of that professional experience, I also had experience facilitating large groups for the cause of Civil Disobedience. Yes, I was “one of those” who would lie down in the street with thousands of others, for what I believed. The Military Industrial Complex continues to proceed by the hand of Greed and Capitulation by the Masses, but I have not wavered in all these decades, my commitment to Peace.

This is all a preamble for my saying that there are some simple actions that can help participants feel included:

♡ Welcoming and greeting those who enter a group.

♡ Making sure everyone in the group knows what the Guidelines are for the group they entered.

♡ Everyone in the group participate in maintaining Focus on whatever the purpose of the group is.

These three guidelines are not so simple when the group is large, when the guidelines are blurry, when there are not enough people with the power to enforce guidelines that are stated, or when there is a significant overwhelming majority of people who are distressed and in need of support who flood the group at that time.

Also, there are some people who just would like a space where Cross Talk is the Name of the Game, where they can greet and chat their friends and “catch up.” Perhaps these spaces can be created so that the needs of the people who frequent here can be satisfied, rather than trying to enforce from above, the need of an administrator for a particular type of group.

It seems to me, when I survey all the types of groups that are in existence here and are possible here on 7 cups (as a Doorkeeper I have the privilege of seeing that there are hundreds of different types of groups) that the people here have developed groups for all sorts of reasons and functions, and that it should be possible for everyone who enters 7 cups to find a group where their needs can be satisfied for mental health and growth, satisfying discussion and/or sharing, and rich connections with others.

♡ Love and (^=˃ᆺ˂) Courage, 𓆸 Tas

@VioletVeritas Thank you for sharing your thoughtful perspective and experience. It's clear you've put a lot of care and consideration into group chats over the years. What feelings emerge for you in reflecting on your different roles and experiences with groups through the years?

Introduce a similar set of rules as in the Sharing Circle group.

I feel that trigger warning lists need to be made on forum scripts so that there is no more questioning of what is on there and what is not. I feel that a lot of member also are very disrespectful and rude to us mods/listeners/room supporters. I also feel that enabling the trigger warning list on the forum scripts would make our jobs as mods easier. An especially the reporting of disrespectful members that refuse to listen truly going through. It's draining to be cursed at and dismissed when my job as mod is to make sure the group chats are ran smoothly with compassion, empathy, safety and respect for others'. I do enjoy being a mod but these are just my thoughts🫶🏽

When someone is truly look at you and listen to you also when someone reply to you properly with respect thats i felt seen and heard they can disagree with you but with respect .

@Mekuland3050 It sounds important to feel seen and heard by others. What feelings arise for you when you experience respectful listening? 

That this person knows how to respect he/ she is well mannered person even if they disagree i feel good to talk with them

@Mekuland3050 It sounds like experiencing respectful listening helps you feel good and at ease to open up. You are not alone in valuing dialogue where each person's perspective is acknowledged without judgement.