🌸 The Grief Alphabet: A to Z 🌸

Week 1 Letters A and B

A is for Anyone

Death and grief can impact anyone

Grief impacts us all no matter how old we are, what our background is, or how we knew the person who passed. The truth is grief does not discriminate, grief affects so many of us. 

People die at all ages and for many different reasons therefore, at some point in our lives we will all know someone who has died. 

It finds us all in different ways. Sometimes gently, sometimes suddenly, but at some point, we all experience the weight of losing someone who mattered.

There's no "right" kind of grief. If someone touched your life, even briefly, you have every right to feel their absence. And it’s okay to not know exactly how to navigate that.

Remember, grief is universal, but it’s also deeply personal. However it shows up for you, it’s valid. 🌼

B is for Bursts 

Grief bursts are a flood of emotions and feelings that can be sudden and intense. They can come out of nowhere or can be connected to a situation or memory. One moment you’re fine, and the next, you’re flooded with feelings you thought were behind you. These bursts may feel intense and overwhelming.

While they can catch us off guard, it’s important to know that they are a normal part of the grief process. They don’t follow a schedule and don’t always happen when it’s convenient. 

Some people may find grief bursts reassuring, as a sign that they have not forgotten their person. For others, they may feel more like a storm that’s hard to ride out. Whatever your experience, there is no timeline or expiration date for grief and these bursts can happen at any point in time, no matter how much time has passed. 

Discussion Questions: 

Introduce yourself! What’s your name and a fun fact about you? 

Who is your person you’ve lost?

Have you experienced a grief burst before? How do they make you feel?

Activity:

Take a moment to write out the name of your important person, whether it’s their full name or a nickname you used for them.

Next, think of words that describe them, starting with each letter of their name. These words could be qualities they had, memories you shared, or even things that remind you of them.

If you feel ready and it feels comfy feel free to introduce your person and talk about the words you choose to describe them and why.

Closing three breaths: 

I know that breathing might not work for everyone, but if you’re open to it, let’s give it a try together

First breathe is for your person

Second breathe is for the people that are supporting you through these moments

Last breathe is for yourself

Week 2: Managing emotions

C is for Coping

Coping is finding ways to navigate those hard, heavy emotions that can sometimes feel too big to handle. It’s all about discovering what brings us comfort and helps us process grief in a way that feels right for us. The thing is, there’s no wrong way to cope, and there’s no "one-size-fits-all" approach to grief.

Sometimes our strategies fall into unhealthy or maladaptive categories. If we are harming ourselves or others it might be a good time to reevaluate, try something new or reach out for some help.

Something I have noticed is that different emotions call for different ways of coping. When I’m feeling sad, nothing beats a cozy blanket, a comfort movie, and a cup of hot cocoa. But when I’m angry? Well, a run or some kind of physical activity usually helps. It’s all about listening to yourself and figuring out what feels right in that moment. And yes, it can get tiring trying new things when nothing seems to help, but please, don’t give up on yourself. You’re worth that effort.

Here are some types of coping strategies and ideas you can try:

Emotional Coping: processing and managing emotions in a healthy way.

Examples: Journaling feelings, Talking to a trusted friend, Practicing mindfulness or meditation, Crying when needed, Using positive affirmations, Expressing emotions through art or music

Cognitive Coping: shifting thoughts and perspectives to reduce stress.

Examples: Reframing negative thoughts, Practicing gratitude, Challenging irrational beliefs, Visualization or guided imagery, Problem-solving exercises, Engaging in positive self-talk

Behavioral Coping: changing behaviors in response to stress or challenges.

Examples: Exercising or engaging in physical activity, Establishing a routine, Avoiding unhealthy coping behaviors (like substance use), Taking a break or stepping away from stressful situations, Engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy, Volunteering or helping others

Social Coping: seeking and using support from others.

Examples: Reaching out to family or friends, Attending a support group, Participating in social activities, Asking for help when needed, Talking to a therapist or counselor, Practicing open communication in relationships

Spiritual Coping: finding meaning, comfort, and peace through spiritual practices.

Examples: Praying or meditating, Reflecting on spiritual teachings or texts, Engaging in religious or spiritual rituals, Spending time in nature for spiritual reflection, Connecting with a spiritual community

Physical Coping: managing stress through taking care of the body.

Examples: Deep breathing exercises, Progressive muscle relaxation, Maintaining a healthy diet, Getting enough sleep, Engaging in regular exercise, Taking a relaxing bath or shower

Distraction Coping: temporarily distract away from stressors.

Examples: Watching a movie or TV show, Reading a book, Playing video games, Engaging in a creative activity (e.g., drawing, painting, crocheting), Listening to music or podcasts, Doing puzzles or brain games

Problem-Focused Coping: directly addressing the cause of stress.

Examples: Making a to-do list to solve the problem, Setting specific, realistic goals, Breaking down larger problems into smaller steps, Gathering information or resources to tackle the issue, Seeking advice from others with experience, Prioritizing tasks and responsibilities

9. Maladaptive Coping:  negative ways of dealing with stress that can cause us harm in the long run. 

Examples: Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, Using drugs, Anger outbursts,  Denying/ignoring the problem, Self-harm, Binge eating, Negative thoughts, Isolating yourself

D is for different 

Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no “right” way to grieve. No two people grieve the same way. Grief is unique to each person just as your relationship to you person is unique to you. There is no timeline to grief. 

E is for emotions

Grief can feel like a rollercoaster or like waves crashing in and out. One moment you might feel completely devastated, and the next, you could be laughing at a memory or feeling a strange sense of peace. The emotional side of grief is unpredictable, and those feelings can shift rapidly. That’s why it’s important to be gentle with yourself as you navigate through them.

Grief is a large spectrum of emotions. Many people compare grief to sadness but it is so much more. All emotions are ok.  Whatever you're feeling, it’s valid, and it deserves to be acknowledged without being judged.

Sadness>>Anger>>guilt>>joy>> Gratitude >> Anxiety>> Relief >> Hope >> Confusion >> Frustration >> Numb>> Fear>> Resentment>> Shock>> Devastation 

F is for feeling opposites

Grief is complex, and it can be confusing to feel two opposite emotions at the same time. Grief isn’t a single feeling. It’s a complex, ever-shifting mix bag of emotions that can sometimes feel overwhelming.

 It is not wrong to be feeling an emotion that is not something you would label as ‘negative’ after someone has died. When grieving, negative emotions can be all consuming. That's why it is okie to experience shimmers of light and positivity if you find them. You can carry both, and that’s part of healing.

Some opposite feelings you might experience: 

Joy >> Grief

Relief >> Pain

Anger >> Sadness

Love >> Longing

Frustrated >> Grateful 

Activity:

Write down on scrap pieces of paper all the things that worry you. 

Crumple them up and place them in a box.

If you feeling creative draw some eyes on it and it's a ‘worry monster’ 😛

Place the box somewhere out of sight for now. Later, you can come back and see if those worries still feel as heavy.

 🌸 Discussion Questions:🌸

What coping skills have worked for you?

What emotions have you had since your person passed?

What worries do you currently have?

Have you ever experienced conflicting or multiple emotions at once? Which ones?

Week 3: Finding Supports

Hey lovelies, I hope you are doing well and the week is treating you kindly. Sending some love and hope beams your way. If anyone needs anything i’m here for you 🫶

G is for Grief Groups

Finding support during your grief can be helpful. It’s important to remember that you deserve support. You should not have to carry or go through this alone. 

Not everyone will understand your grief in the same way, and that’s okay. Some people may give you lots of support while others give you less. You get to decide what you need and what is the most helpful. Don't be surprised if your needs differ from day to day. Some days, you might want to talk and be surrounded by people, while other days you might need space and quiet.  

How can you find support in your grief;

Think about who makes you laugh?

Who listens to you?

Who makes you feel comfortable?

Who provides comfort?

Who do you trust?

Are there spaces you feel safe in?

Are there groups that you can go to?

H is for Holding onto Hope

One way to support ourselves is to hold onto hope.  Grief can often feel heavy and endless, but even in those darkest moments, hope can be a guiding light. 

Hope is the feeling of wanting or wishing for something to happen in the future. Hope is both an emotion and a way of thinking.

After our person has passed, things can feel different. Grief is not something that we get over. It lasts a lifetime. We will always miss our person forever but there is still hope. 

Hope looks different for everyone, but here are some things that you might hold onto:

For the pain to ease over time

That we can smile at the memories someday

That we can achieve a goal of ( wish want desire)

That we can look forward to new things

That we can be okie  

I is for inviting inside feelings out

We all have feelings, memories, thoughts and emotions that we feel comfortable sharing with others and the people that are in our lives. There are also some that we hold close to us and don't feel okay and comfy to share and that's okay too! Sometimes, it can feel safer to keep those feelings close. Maybe you don’t share them because you’re not ready, or because they feel too vulnerable or maybe you worry that others won’t understand. All the reasons are valid.

It's  okay if you’re not ready to share everything just yet. Healing happens at your own pace, and only you know when you feel comfortable enough to express the feelings you've been holding onto. There is no rush. Start small and trust yourself <3

When the time feels right, though, gently opening up, bit by bit, can be healing. Bottling things up can be really harmful in the long run. Sharing can help you feel less alone, and others might surprise you with their empathy and kindness.

Discussion Questions:

What supports do you have in your life?

What are you holding onto hope for?

What emotions do you feel comfortable sharing with others?

What kind of things do you not feel comfy sharing yet?

I can't believe I just saw this post! Thank you for the detailed info about grief, how it affects us, and what we can do to move forward~

@CaringEzra

@CaringEzra thank you I'm sure there's lots of us that needed this.

Week 4: Layers of Grief

Hey lovelies, how are you all doing? I hope the week is treating you kindly. Sending some love and hope beams your way. If anyone needs anything i’m here for you 🫶

J is for Joy

It is okie to be happy.

PLease give yourself the permission to feel both the hard sadness and yucky emotions and also joy. It is normal to feel a mixture of emotions. Experiencing joy might feel hard or weird. I know I feel guilty at times. It can be easy to think how dare you feel happy during this really terrible time. 

How can we adjust our thinking so that we can find a balance and create a small break from this heartache?

Proposed thought: Planning small experiences

Bake a treat

Snuggle with your pets

Sing or play music

Create list of things that give you little distraction and a bit of happiness 

Do you have other ideas?

Have you ever found it hard to experience joy while grieving? What's been your experience? What are some small things that bring you joy?

(Also want to acknowledge that it can also be incredibly hard to find that joy, so if you are struggling to find the little light in the dark, that is valid and you are not alone)

K is for Keepsakes

Remembering our person can be difficult but it can provide a sense of comfort and happiness.  Keepsakes can be physical objects like shirts or jewelry, they can be digital photos or videos, they can also be experiences that you have, like making apple pie every year. 

What items or keepsakes make you feel connected to your person?

Activity!

Making a bead bracelet! Or keychain that's what i did 😛

Materials 

Yarn

Scissors

Assortment of beads

Cut a piece of yarn, Add a colored bead to answer each of these questions:

L is for Layers

Grief is a complex emotion that often manifests in layers. These layers can vary from person to person and change over time. I will say it again because I think it's so important, there's no "right" way to grieve, and everyone's experience is unique.

A helpful metaphor for understanding grief layers is the onion. Just as an onion has many layers, so too does grief. Each layer represents a different aspect of the loss, and as we peel back each layer, we uncover deeper emotions and experiences.

Peeling back the layers of grief is a gradual process. It doesn't always happen in a linear fashion, and there may be times when we feel like we're going backward. It takes strength and courage to peel back the layers. The important thing is to be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold at your own pace.

How do you personally experience layers of grief? Are there specific emotions, memories, or experiences that feel like different layers?

Discussion questions are in pink (:

Closing thoughts:

Grief goes far below the surface. Be patient with self as you uncover the various and unexpected layers. 

Week 5: Grief is messy

Hey lovelies, how are you all doing? I hope the week is treating you kindly. Sending some love and hope beams your way. If anyone needs anything i’m here for you 🫶

M is for mess

Grief can be a complete mess, like a pile of clothes on your floor. You might want to avoid it and walk around it. But over time you might start to slowly sort through the clothes little by little. 

But remember, just as you wouldn't avoid a messy room forever, you don't have to avoid your grief. It can be quite overwhelming with all the different emotions and feelings that grief brings up. It's okay to take small steps, to sort through your feelings one at a time. There's no right or wrong way to do it.

As you go start to sort through all the messy parts of grief a common theme is that grief sucks. It stinks. There are few good things that come with all that mess. 

What are some things that stink about your grief? 

N is for Not structured or No stages

Grief can be like a roller coaster, lots of twists and turns, ups and downs. It can be very unpredictable. 

Fact: Grief is not orderly. Your feelings may change from day to day. Month to month. Year to year. All feelings are valid as they happen.

There are no stages of grief. A big lie is that once you go through the stages of grief you are healed. Your life may have changed forever because of the loss.

For me personally this was something new. I have always heard about the 7 stages of grief. I could somewhat see myself following them but not always! Sure I would feel anger and denial but gosh is grief messy. I do personally like the idea that grief comes in waves better. I think that it better reflects the realities of how complex and ever changing grief is. There are no checkbox stages to go through then be healed. 

How has your grief looked? Has it followed the 7 stages? Waves? What other metaphors do you feel you relate to?

O is for ongoing

Does time heal all wounds?

I definitely don't think that it heals all wounds!

Grief does not end. But over time and with support, you may get better at accepting your new normal. And the idea that your life has changed forever.

When you make a connection with a person, it doesn't end when they die. You don't always ‘move on’. Your grief is ongoing, you carry the past experiences, memories, feelings into the future as you grow. 

What are your thoughts on phrases like time heals all wounds or everything happens for a reason or other similar phrases? (there are no wrong answers!)

P is for physical ways grief shows itself

Grief can be felt all over your body in  

Stomach aches 

Headaches

Muscle fatigue

Brain Fog

It can be scary to look at all the different side effects that you may experience. But everyone is different. You might only experience one or two or many symptoms. The point being is that if you are feeling the physical side of grief you are not alone

What ways do you physically feel grief yourself?

Discussion questions are in pink (:

Closing thoughts

Grief is messy, it is complicated, it is different for everyone. 

Week Six: Riding the Wave

Hey lovelies, how are you all doing? I hope the week is treating you kindly. Sending some love and hope beams your way. If anyone needs anything i’m here for you 🫶

Q is for Questions

When someone we love dies, we are often left with lots of questions. 

Some questions you might have:

• Why did this happen?

• How did it happen?

• What if I had done something else?

• Could I have prevented this?

These questions are normal. Some of them you might find answers over time, while others may not have answers. It's important to remind ourselves that there are no wrong questions when grieving. All are valid.

What are the questions you have? Have you found answers to any of them?

R is for Reminders

After loss you may find reminders of your person everywhere. Whether it’s the sight of the empty chair at the table, the smell of a perfume, or a song playing on the radio, reminders can bring a wide range of emotions of comfort, sadness, or even anger. 

Reminders might come in different forms:

• What you see: Family photos, items they cherished.

• What you taste: The food they loved to cook or enjoy.

• What you hear: A song that played during a significant moment.

• What you smell: Their favorite cologne or a scent that takes you back.

• What you feel: Their clothing, or something they gifted you.

What are some things that remind you of your person? What emotions do these reminders bring for you?

S is for Sizing Up Grief

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. Some Days it will feel manageable but other days you might spend the entire day thinking about it, crying, or just trying to keep things together. 

Imagine yourself standing on the shore, watching the waves roll in. Some days, they are gentle and calm, while other days, the waves seem to crash endlessly. This ebb and flow is part of the natural process of grief, and it’s okay if it feels unpredictable.

Grief isn’t something that follows a schedule; it changes from moment to moment. And just like the tides, it can come in waves—sometimes small and sometimes crashing with force. The key is to allow yourself to feel all the emotions without judgment, knowing that, with time, you’ll learn to ride the waves rather than fight them.

Are there moments when the grief feels gentler? Or times when it seems overpowering?

Closing Thoughts

Grief surrounds us, and it can change from day to day, much like the tides of the ocean. Some days, you may feel strong and steady, while other days, the waves may knock you off your feet. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process.

Discussion questions are in pink (:

Closing Three breaths 

Prepare yourself as you see fit, settling mind and body 

First breath is for your person 

Next breath is for those that support you through your grief 

Final breath is for yourself

✨ Thank you for being here ✨