How self-compassionate are you?
We all know the golden rule: reciprocity. But what if we view others far more kindlythan we view ourselves? Self-compassion ? treating ourselves to the same compassion we hold for others ? is one way to counter excessive self-criticism, due to low self-esteem or perfectionist tendencies. You can test your self-compassion here.
I test as moderately self-compassionate, and that makes sense to me. I'm (eventually) pretty forgiving to myself, my score shows, but while I understand others share the struggles that I do, I still tend to let myself feel isolated.
How do you score? In what ways are you most self-compassionate, and where do you have room to be kinder to yourself? How might you practice that?
I scored 2.02 :/
I got 2.41
Self-compassion Ideas
Treat yourself like you would a friend.
Imaginesitting beside yourself and simply listening to your concerns. After listening with compassion and acceptance, tryresponding to those thoughts like you would for aloved one ? what feedback would you give someone you cared about deeply?How does it differ from what you have toldyourself in the past? Another way to try this:writeyourself a letter about something bothering you, re-read it, thenwritea compassionate response.
"Treat yo self," period.
Is this a moment you would offer to take a friend to the beach, the movies or an improv comedy show? Would you lend them a favorite book, offer them a cup of tea,bake them snickerdoodles or sticky buns? You deserve these affectionate gesturesas well. They don't have tocome from someone else.
Look for case studies.
Feeling alone, embarrassed, or stuck? You are not alone! If you research your situation, you can read about, or even engage with, others who have faced similar scenariosand 'get it.'Looking for a less involved way to work through your feelings and reflect on your situation? You could find a song or album that speaks to your feelings, take some time to listen to it, and consider sharing it with a friend or loved one.
Don't measure yourself against others.
It would not be kind to tell someone else, "She's prettier than you," "You're weaker than him because he got over the breakup faster than you," or,"If you're smarterthan her,you'll winthis debate." Isn't it equally unkind to send yourself these messages? With respect and acceptance for yourself ?where you've come from, where you are today, and where you'd like to go tomorrow?can you think of kinder, more realistic and productive messages to tell yourself?
I especially like the idea of finding an album that speaks to you - this is my usual "goto" for these kind of situations. The only trouble is, the one person I wish I could share my feelings with and sit down to listen with, is completely opposed to my music :(. It almost makes me feel more isolated because I'll never meet the writer, although I have seen them live once :).
Got overall 2.4, And here I thought I was super critical about myself. Still need to more nicer towards myself ^^;
I got a score of 1.2. I really thought it would be higher :T
My overall score was 1.4 but I'm hardly surprised. I definitely need to work on my self- compassion, especially in terms of working through failures with progress and forgiveness in mind. I have a tendency to let a negative experience spiral into something much worse merely by dwelling on it. Playing the role of self-critic is easy, but being your own defender? Never really thought of it before. I'm going to take the test in a couple weeks and see how I have moved forward with this in mind. Thank you! Great post :).
I think it's always easier to see good in other people, being able to notice when someone else is being nice that we're distracted about the way we feel about ourselves... That we sort of neglect ourselves when we concentrate on how great everyone is. We need to treat ourselves as though we were a friend, which yes, is truly hard! I've been trying to treat myself as a friend for years, and yeah... I ended with an overall score of 3.38.
1.88, self judgement and isolation were 5 and 4.75. I knew I get very judgemental toward myself, didn't realize it was that bad. I was surprised my number was that low. I got some work to do.
The link is no longer working here unfortunately - maybe we can update it tohttp://self-compassion.org/test-how-self-compassionate-you-are/ - thanks!
Updated @Michaelmichael, thanks
And this is why I need therapy:
Self-Kindness: 1.80
Self-Judgment: 4.80
Common Humanity: 1.00
Isolation: 5.00
Mindfulness: 1.75
Over-Identification: 5.00
Overall score: 1.29