Good moments 🌈

monday (18th nov): i woke up in such a cold room today because i forgot to close the windows last night. i kinda liked it. and also liked that it wasn't cold in the living room.

i want back to sleep for like 10 mins after i got up and had my water and everything. (i do it every day lol when i'm on too little sleep from the night.) and my bed somehow felt so good and cozy. like it only feels cozy early morning when i'm sleepy and don't want to get up and go to school. but yeah it was nice.

i managed to properly get ready this morning, like putting my hairband and clips properly and wearing my watch at home and not after reaching school. it rarely ever happens. and i got to the bus stop right on time, like i'd have missed it if i was 10 seconds late. i got kinda lucky there i think.

i have been so sleepy in school today. i only finally felt awake in the 6th period, which was french. i was able to do my classwork properly because i was awake and i think that's good. though the teacher was really weird today. same for english. i dunno what's happened with our teachers today but they stopped teaching in the middle of the class to scold this one kid for "talking and disturbing the class" and just made us write in the notebook after that. but i'm glad i got the classwork done in class and was awake. actually for english the teacher gave us something to copy from her ppt and while leaving the class because the bell rang, told us to finish writing it. i think my friend and i are the only ones who actually wrote it. i feel good about it lol.

i found out that we have a half day tomorrow and a holiday on wednesday. that's quite a good thing i guess.

while coming home from school i happened to sit next to this little 3rd grader and no one likes to sit with her and everyone says she's very rude. so i wasn't hoping for anything good. but she was actually very nice to me. she was sitting by the window when i sat next to her. and she asked if i wanted to go in because her stop comes before mine so her sitting outside would make things easier for both of us. i think that was very thoughtful for a 3rd grader. and how many children really ever give up a window seat? it really cheered me up. she's a very sweet little kid, i don't understand why other little kids call her rude and ask her not to sit with them. for me she was good to sit next to.

i washed my hair today. it was nice. and when i entered my bathroom a bit later it was so warm and steamy lol. that was weird, i don't think i used water that was too hot, but yeah, whatever it was nice waking into steam.

things have calmed down between me and my mother. it feels good especially with how it's been these past few days. it made me feel really good for a bit.

my mother made dosas for dinner today. that's something that's not an everyday thing and i like dosas meaning i finished my dinner super quick, in less than 20 mins, even with zero hunger.

i think that's all.

tuesday (19th nov): so i made it in time for the bus today though i was horrifically exhausted, running on just 4 hours of sleep. i'm glad i could still get there on time.

i laughed a bit in marathi class today because one person who was doing her speaking activity on the topic of "my favourite animal" talked about her dog in such a realistic way. the only thing that seemed off was that her friends were telling her what to say, like her friends know more about her dog than she herself does. then the truth came out, it was an imaginary dog. i found that funny to be honest. it's rare that i laugh in marathi class because the teacher is horrible, i don't understand the language, and i deal with overwhelming anxiety during this class. which wasn't there today because my turn with the speaking activity is over so i didn't have to worry about it.

in pe class we were gonna go out in the basketball court and it's generally very hot there so  removed my sweater. but i was actually pretty cold at like 10:30 am. the sunrays didn't reach all of the basketball court, but for the parts it did reach, it was very comfortingly warm. i loved it. i felt awake then after being so sleepy since morning. i actually got up to stand in the warm sun and i liked it. it made me feel better.

actually being in school today helped me. i woke up in the morning and told my mother that i don't want to go to school, because of how horrible i've been feeling, my sleep deprivation and from last night's pain and thoughts. but she made me go because she had already woken up early morning and done everything. in a way i'm glad i went today because lately i feel much more depressed at home. its better in school and i can look fine without too much effort, like the effort i need to look fine at home.

and i felt a sense of relief when my mother gave me permission to throw some of my lunch in the dustbin. as much as i hate putting food in the dustbin, food that has required so much effort to grow and cook, i just couldn't eat it today. i was not hungry as usual, then and my mother put excessive amounts of salt in the dal which made it almost inedible. i tried fixing it by adding powdered jaggery, lot of it, into my dal, but it was still so hard to eat and i spent over 1.5 hours trying to eat it up but it wasn't working. it was good when my mother finally got up to tell me to throw it if i cant eat it.

i spent some time in the balcony today. for taking pictures of the plants earlier today and later at night to just stand in the cold. it was kinda nice. and my hair had been feeling good earlier today (it's a mess now).

i slept after school today. i don't think i slept very well but it was good to close my eyes and lay in bed. a lot better than sitting at my table with the pain all evening, though that's what i had to do after i woke up. i'll go sleep now it's 11 pm and i crave sleep.

wednesday (20th nov): i woke up in the middle of the night (okay it was 6:22 am but since i didn't have school today, that's in the middle of the night for me) and my bedside light was on when i woke up. that's when i realised, last night, i feel asleep the moment i lay down, because i could even turn off the light. i was that exhausted. but i'm glad i could sleep and i think i slept pretty well and woke up in the exact position that i had gone to sleep in. not sure if that's a good or bad thing but i feel like my sleep was good. and even when i woke up at 6:22 am, i feel asleep immediately, which was good and rarely ever happens when i wake up at such an odd hour.

when i actually woke up today morning, like proper wake up at 8 am, i felt quite good in terms of my mood. and my mother was nice to me when she woke me up. i also asked her how her headache is and she told me it's better, which was good to hear of course.

my mother made khichdi in a different sort of way for lunch today and i think it was a lot better than the usual khichdi. i liked it, meaning i was able to eat fairly quickly. that was really good.

my room feels so cold compared to the rest of the house. and i think i quite like it though it feels too cold sometimes, it's generally nice for me.

i stood in the balcony for a bit today taking pictures of the plants. it was really nice and i saw the pics and thought they turned out well. later in the day at 7 pm i sat there with a chair having my evening snacks. it's been ages since i sat in the balcony. i cant sit on that chair when my father is home but with him away, i can sit on it whenever i want and honestly i love that chair and i love sitting on it outside in the cold.

i looked up a maths sum i was struggling with on the internet and realised there's am easier way to solve it than my mother made it seem in her frustration.

i was watching youtube and i found something that made me laugh. it's the first time a youtube video made me laugh. this is strange lol but i'm glad it made me laugh.

that's all i remember for today.

@exuberantBlackberry9105

Welcome! Good moment for me was hanging out with my daughter this morning. We had breakfast at a french bakery here in town and then went to a book store. Got myself a couple artsy magazines. 

thursday (21st nov): a random classmate was talking to me quite a bit more than usual today morning. i really don't like talking to her for lots of reasons and i don't know why she's been trying to talk to me lately, but i will admit that it distracted me from my very depressing thoughts. that's good, i suppose.

we got a free period today when our french teacher came for substitution but didn't teach and let us do our own work. yay, i loved it. i could only do one geography question in 30 whole minutes but i liked getting a free period for the first time in quite a while.

it has been an exceptionally cold day today, and i'd been feeling pretty cold even with my sweater in school. when we had to go to the ground for sports day practice and i removed the sweater in my classroom i was feeling sooo cold and when i finally got in the sun it felt good. it also woke me up to be honest, i've been so sleepy.

we ended up not having any practice but just sitting on the ground and my friend and i were talking and i found out some interesting stuff about her. like how she hates having to attend extra classes but does it because of parental pressure. and how she really feels about teachers always giving her extra work to do. it was... funny.

i washed my hair today and it was kinda nice. but i felt really cold afterwards sitting with my wet hair. when i went to eat, i held my bowl of oats, which was kinda warm, in my hands lol because i felt so cold and i didn't have my sweater then.

my mother made me blow dry my hair because i washed it at like 4 pm and after that it'd take ages to air dry in this chilly weather. actually it was nice using a blow dryer for the first time in months. i mainly liked it because i was feeling really cold at the time, especially my hands, so the warmth of the blow dryer was nice.

for a while in the evening, i felt pretty good magically and i loved it. i used that time to kind of write down the possible submission dates of notebooks and projects and when we have what class to figure out in what order i should to get to the overwhelming lot of things i need to get done. things couldn't very well not go as planned but having some kind of a plan to do the stuff helped me calm down a little.

i think that's all i have for today. the cold lol i love it, i love winter.

friday (22nd nov): before i talk about today, i must mention that last night, i made it to bed at 12:21 am, which is a lot earlier than my usual over the past few days. i'm glad i could go to bed before 12:30 am.

right when i woke up today i was actually feeling quite good. the good mood and relative energy died down soon, but whatever.

when i got to school today, i could use my 15 minutes of free time to get something done today instead of just sitting around or sleeping (yeah i go to school and sleep for the first 15 minutes sometimes because my bus reaches 15 minutes before school starts).

i think today's french class was really good. the teacher decided not to teach for whatever reason. she just made us listen to some kiddish french songs and i really liked one of them and it reminded of the stress free times of being a little kid and of the simple things in life which brought a temporary sense of calm over me. also in french class, i was actually doing some of my own work, i think something in my biology notebook because she french teacher isn't strict enough to confiscate notebooks of other subjects lol.

and we got a free period instead of chemistry. that's great because i'm really struggling with chemistry now and the class makes me feel horrible. i'm glad it didn't happen today. instead i was just sitting and trying to do some work (hardly got anything done, but whatever).

i think my shower today felt pretty good hehe.

i had to go to the dentist today and wasn't told anything about not having maintained proper dental hygiene. that should mean everything looks fine in there. that's really good, because i know i haven't necessarily been brushing my teeth twice every day and i worry something will happen if i skip a night of brushing but i'm glad it's all fine so far.

while coming home from the dentist, it was really cold outside and kinda nice.

i did some cups work today which felt good and also found some lovely stuff on cups.

@exuberantBlackberry9105 Lovely, thanks for share!!

i'm sorry i've been missing posting again. i hope to catch up tomorrow...

alright so this is me trying to catch up. i dunno how much i'm really gonna remember but i'll type out whatever that i remember.

saturday (23rd nov): i really don't remember what all happened on satuday. i do remember that in the morning when i was feeling bad i somehow decided to try to find someone on cups to talk to right then and i actually found someone helpful, which honestly rarely ever happens.

and i remember i was doing some of my cups work and that felt good. and i got a little bit of my maths project done, which is supposed to be a good thing.

i have no idea what else, i've just forgotten every good thing about saturday somehow, i'm sorry.

sunday (24th nov): so i think i was busy working on my maths project for most of the day. plotting the graphs was actually quite nice to do with some actual and not imaginary data for the first time ever. if there's anything about maths that i don't hate, that's about graphs and related stuff. luckily that's all i required for my project.

i remember in the evening i went out in the balcony and the sky looked pinkish purplish, which is something i haven't seen in a long time to be honest. it was good to see. i also sat in the balcony for a little while, which felt really good.

i don't really remember any other good moments from sunday.

monday (25th nov): so i was expecting it to be a really bad day thanks to being on 4 hours of sleep, but it was actually quite fine and i have a fair bit of good moments to share.

though i woke up with my arms and legs hurting a lot (they always hurt so much when i haven't been sleeping much for several days in a row), i managed to be able to get ready and do everything properly on time and make it to the bus stop on time, that was really good.

i started a new notebook for maths. this is really good because it allows me to to focus just on keeping this one notebook complete for now and i can keep the rest at home and kinda complete them at my own pace and it'll mostly be fine as long as i manage to maintain the new one properly.

yoga class was basically a free period so i was doing some of my own work. then our maths teacher came in the class and he was looking over the projects of those who had submitted it. he looked over mine and held it open in front of the whole class saying "this is how it's expected. information written properly and then graph. look." he clearly really liked my project and showed it to the class as an example of how it's supposed to be and also said my name and that i've done a good job. my efforts really paid off for once, my staying up till 2 am finishing my maths project while also dealing with those late night hallucinations from sleep deprivaion, it all paid off. i'm really glad he liked it so much. for once i could meet his expectations because generally they're way too unrealistic and impossible for me to meet but this time i met all of his expectations like proper information, presentation, neatness, everything. it made me feel so good.

and our english teacher was in a really good mood yesterday, so english class was nice.

we had parent teacher meeting yesterday, so my mother came to my school after school got over to see my exam papers and meet the teachers. and my good project saved me from a possible lot of scolding from him in front of my mother because i got horrible marks in the exam, which were far from his expectations and he had made that clear earlier. he even told my mother that he's happy with my performance and my behaviour in class. there is *no way* he's happy with my 64/80 in the maths exam, he has to have forgotten about that because of the project lol. that's good, i'm happy he forgot.

while coming home with my mother after the parent teacher meeting, she for some reason decided that we would come walking home after getting off the rikshaw at a certain point. we went by a road i've never gone by before, and it was quite nice though i had to carry by heavy school bag. but my mother was in a fairly good mood then and it went well.

after coming home at 4:10 pm i was able to be pretty quick to shower, get ready, eat and then clean up my room a bit before sleeping for 1.5 hours in the evening. i loved it when i got into bed to nap and it was nice when i woke up too.

after dinner and a little more cleaning up, i went to bed at 12:15 am, which isn't the best but a lot better that what it's been lately.

tuesday (26th nov): i don't have much for today, it's been awful. but yeah, whatever.

when i woke up, wore my sweater, had my water and slept for like 10 more minutes, it felt so good and warm. i had been feeling so cold lol and sleeping with the sweater and blanket was nice. i didn't want to get up from it but i had to, sadly.

when i got to school in the morning i did a little bit of homework or something in my first 15 minutes (before my 'friend' showed up), which was good.

marathi class was a free period and i got to get some homework done during that time.

going outside in the sun during pe class was good because it's been so cold. so cold that i wore my sweater in the sun and didn't even feel hot in the slightest, it just felt comfy and my pale, lifeless figers came to life lol.

and english class was nice after all the other horrid stuff of the day. like nothing great but it still felt good.

i got a good laugh about my online report card for term 1. term 1 got over long back but the teachers haven't entered half the marks, so it's just shown as a 0 in most of the slots for stuff like projects and stuff. and also in term 1 report card, there's empty slots of term 2 shows with 0 marks. so basically all my total marks are shown as stuff like 10/100 or below, that's E grade and fail. this is genuinely so funny. everything's so messed up lol.

i was feeling really really horrible. but i watched some helpful youtube videos, looked at some helpful stuff on cups and then felt better. i tried helping someone out on here and it made me feel better as i tried to help. helping out always really helps me a lot.

i think that's all i have for today.

wednesay (27th nov): so today i managed to make it to the bus on time even though it had to get ready in just 15 minutes. that's good?

i had been hoping that my friend would come to school late today, because i don't want to deal with her so early in the day. my wish came so true, she teacher the school after he assembly got over. it made me feel so good.

in mass drill class, we had to go to the ground and just sit in the sun and watch people participate in races. it was so good sitting out in the warm 8 am sun on such a cold wintery morning. yeah, it's november but winter has officially set in where i live. the sunlight was amazing. in the very very slight fog, i could see the sunrays passing through branches of tress and the fog and dust very beautifully dispersing the sunrays. it was amazing.

english class was pretty good, we read a new lesson and i loved it.

today's physics class was very different from the usual where we write stuff in the notebook, solve numericals, etc. today, the teacher was explaining about an experiment that we are going to perform. i found it quite interesting, was able to more or less understand it, and i think the class was pretty good.

during today's marchpast practice, i felt like i was able to do fine. and no one really bothered me too much. one of our house mistresses told us that we're doing well, which was good to hear. my friend told me that she thinks my house is gonna win the first position for the marchpast on the sports day, which is really good.

our history teacher today made a very expected and bold statement. i got to laugh a lot over it.

the geography teacher decided to give us a free period and i was able to use the time to do some homework. that was really nice.

i washed my hair today and it felt pretty good. and i otherwise haven't done too much today after coming home, but i tidied my room and i think that's good. and overall i've been feeling alright except that i'm really cold.

standing at my window, breathing out on the glass and seeing some of the moisture condense on the glass, and then drawing something on it. it's such a lovely childish thing to do. i like it.

my mother made dosas for dinner today and i really liked it. the potato sabzi with it was good too. so i could finish up my food pretty quickly hehe.