MHAM: The Power of Words - Why Language Matters for Mental Health

@Heather225

Wow! This post is so important. I'm so glad you found a way out of thinking you're a failure...

As for something I told myself, is that it is all my fault when it's not.

This really causes me to wonder deeply how on earth I had so little self esteem and confidence.

Learning to see how I was raised and that along with my personality and the times helps. ✌️ 💕 

Wow. I didn't know that stating a fact with the minimum of words was "stigmatizing language"...

Saying, for instance, that someone without a roof is homeless is not necessarily a judgment about that person's character. If a hearer interprets it as such then that is his/her decision, not the speaker's decision. A speaker's intentions behind his/her word choice does not dictate the mood of those who hear his/her words. By now, I think most people know that in general, mental illness is not a stain on one's moral worth. We certainly know that here in CupsLand.

Also, while language can & sometimes does affect attitudes about a subject under discussion, all too often the choice of "more empowering" (or what was once known as politically correct) lingo is for the benefit of the speaker instead of for those it is applied to...especially when you consider that use of such language does not objectively change anything. Telling a homeless person that he* is not homeless but "unhoused" or "domicile-challenged" will not give him a place to live, remove an addiction he may have, or prevent an incoming storm from raining on the sidewalk where he is sitting.

*The majority of homeless people are male, for a few reasons. This has been true for many years, probably decades.

@Heather225

Damn, to realize more that your own thoughts and words can put you into a box or corner even more, or put an even bigger label on yourself in your own perception... 

I believe this also helps with activities/actualization: the way you say things can make you do them, stick to them and live by them. Saying it or writing it down can make it more real. But if you think something very negative and think a bit black and white it becomes a lot more heavy. Like: "It is a bad day today" -> does that mean the remainder of the day cannot be at least a bit better? Or every decision I make on that day has to reflect that bad habit or attitude I have fallen into?

@Heather225 I struggle with words others say, or try to persuade me that's what it is, that's what happened. But still it's hard for me to understand there things, I'm still healing. Even though it's been like 5 and a half years, I'm healing slow.

But yes choice of words is very important to be supportive. Words have great power ❤

Thanks for this post ❤ hope your doing ok heather?? 

@Heather225 It’s taken me a while to understand how I’ve used words to form a story about myself and my life. I might experience some hurt, and then my inner critic will make generalizations like “I’m broken” or “I’m worthless”, then think back on my life applying these ideas in every other painful situation. I might even end up changing my view on situations that were positive, finding the negative in them and adding that to the narrative. It’s been a very unhealthy habit that I don’t always realize I’m doing. I think it gives my mind some kind of satisfaction thinking I’m figuring out why certain things happen/ed to me. But the result is a very deep false view that limits my future.

@Heather225

Hi H! 😊  ❤️ Many thanks for this thought provoking post on words! As for me, I try to say that words have meaning so it's good to choose them wisely. I do my best to say kind words to myself as well as to others. 

*high fives* 😊 on finding techniques, such as reframing to move forward with a more positive mindset. Oh, the things we tell ourselves! Sometimes we really aren't very kind to ourselves, now are we? ❤️

I think an interesting vantage point can be that the things we tell ourselves, many times aren't really about us, at all. It's really not our voice. It could be voices from the past. People that had a negative impact on us. People that didn't have our best interests at heart and had problems of their very own. It can be unfortunate if we have cut off ties, moved along and yet still, their voice lives on in our minds. 

I kind of see it as allowing them to live rent free in our minds. Where they left off we go ahead and pick up the task for them. We do the dirty work for them, on their behalf. Wow! 😳 Only we choose when and how it comes to an end. 

So, now for the part of "We all have a story of how language has impacted our mental health". My list could be quite long however, with acceptance comes peace. I have moved forward however the one thing that remains is that "a fools words will soon be used against them" and not even in that way. 

One can measure their words and incredibly so. One can do their very best to ensure that no foolish words were spoken and that things are said with only the best of intentions. We can only control us and what we speak. We cannot control others and what it is that they do with those words and how they process them over time. 

Moods are transient with some. One can have amazing moments with another just to get a call from someone much later and sometimes daily saying "I have a bone to pick with you" Or "I have been thinking about what it is that you said. May I have a word with you"? One can be taken aback as everything seemed fine in the moment however, we do not know their specific mindset, their current mood now that the moment has passed and how it is that they have chosen to see things in a vastly different light. It is most difficult to try and understand their intentions. 

It's difficult to have emails with another and everything was fine but, yet to consistently check messages 45 minutes later to see that they have become quite angry. Where the contact left off, nothing but happiness and joy just to see someone walk away, quickly cycle through moods independently of us, even though you as a person did nothing to contribute to it. How did it all fall apart? And then we are "taken to the mat" and have some explaining to do when none is needed. 

Some will insist upon ruminating. Hanging on to past words spoken even by screen shotting or keeping them in a file to review while in a negative mindset. There truly is no winning for either party in this type of behavior if one has to answer for things they never even said to begin with. One must then become a task master of memory, be on high alert that things could be taken out of context as well as become such a high self monitor that the chat is no longer authentic. One is put in a defensive stance and it's unhealthy to be put in that situation when one was nothing but kind from the very beginning. It's no longer "real" when it's "my representative" meeting "your representative" with the concern that one never knows what issue one will have with another and a lot of explaining to do when there was no conflict initially. 

Its good to bring up boundaries, ask that this not be done. If the boundaries are ignored it may be time to part ways. Its really good to look out for our own needs when wanting to help others. 

Thanks again H for this thought provoking post! ❤️

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️