Questions you may have an answer for...
Hello!
I need to take my mind off my troubles right away, so here I am starting this thread wanting to reach out to you. You may have some answers for me or you may even have the same questions as me and you can relate to this post.
1. Why does loving someone very often turns into hating them? How is it possible to have loved and hated the same person? Has it hapoened to you, too? Isn't loving a selfish thing? I think it is and this can explain the hatred.
2. Why is there so much pain in this world? Physical, mental, emotional, pain coming from others or from inside you, all kinds of pain? Where I come from, they say that God gives you as much troubles as you can suffer. I find this good consolation but not a good explanation about the amount of pain present in every corner of this world and inside all of us.
Thank you for reading this :)
@imaginativePlane7983
1. We are always changing - all of us. Growing, learning, thinking, developing. And sometimes the person you met and loved 30 years ago will change one way, and you'll change another way. And if the person you loved changes and starts doing things you don't like or approve of, it's very easy to hate them for it. Maybe as an example, it's like your spouse becoming an alcoholic. You love the person you married, but you hate the person who's an alcoholic.
2. Personally, we have to choose to stop the pain. We have to choose to stop hating so much. In everything we do in our lives from the smallest to the biggest things, we have choices that we must make. Some may not be significant. Do I buy Crest or Colgate for toothpaste?
But most things are significant. Even if it doesn't seem that way.
What will I eat for lunch today? A salad, some iced tea, a piece of fruit. Or a drive-thru burger meal with a pop. That choice definitely can have some major health and/or financial repercussions.
That driver just cut me off. Do I become furious, floor it and swerve in front of him, cutting him off? Do I just take a deep breath and continue driving, wondering if that person might be having an emergency that they're rushing to.
That person at the store just knocked a ton of product off the shelves. Do I turn away and go down a different aisle, ignoring them? Do I walk right up and start helping to clean things up?
For me, I believe every choice I make matters. And I choose to not add to the pain of the world. So I will help clean up a mess that I didn't make. I will smile and say thank you to everyone who helps me. I'll take my grocery cart back to the store after I'm finished with it because that's one less thing the cart person has to do and maybe, just maybe it's a little bit of a lighter load for that person that day.
The way to stop pain is to choose to stop contributing to it. At least, that's how I feel about it.
@thoughtfulmomma i'm new here and don't see a way to follow you, but i like what you have to say
@pinkWatermelon0000
Welcome to 7Cups!
"1. Why does loving someone very often turns into hating them? How is it possible to have loved and hated the same person? Has it hapoened to you, too? Isn't loving a selfish thing? I think it is and this can explain the hatred. "
these are questions many people have.......... i am struggling with this right NOW ........
I once loved a person so much .....and would do anything for them and now i can barely stand the sight of them ........people change both them and you .....
sometimes those changes challenge your beliefs or ability to see past some flaws....you might not have given much thought too before ......
perhaps as i was told recently it is MY perception but i am lost as to how a person i once thought was everything can be a person i wish i had NEVER met.
loving someone must be selfish as it is my change in reaction that has led me down the road of hate ........
@toughTiger6481
I am sorry to hear you are suffering the same.. I know it's a bad feeling. I truly believe that, when such things happen, when you let the loving go away, it's sth both partners are to blame for.. They say it takes two to tango. It must be the same when two people argue or hate each other.. Most of the times both of them have done sth wrong or neglected the other person.
I feel that I love my partner selfishly because, when I feel that he neglects me, I get angry at him and feel I don't care for him like he shows no care for me.
When things between us are good, they are good, but when they aren't, it gets tough and messy.
Thanks for your answer and I wish you all the best. Don't give up 😺🌹
I think the more intensely you love someone, the more intensely you can hate them. When the person does something unforgivable or they change, all those feelings are suddenly misplaced. You start craving for the person you had known and trusted before and hate the present one because you think they are the culprit for taking away what you loved. Maybe this is not the fact at all, I wrote this as I thought this might be a possibility.
@thesombrevoid
This is so very true...so true. My thoughts exactly. In my situation I look at my partner and wonder where he has hidden the person that I once loved. I hold him responsible for that.
Of course, I have changed too and he might be wondering the same about me. It's a vicious circle once things start to change.
As time passes by for my partner and me, once sth bad happens and we grow further apart, I imagine a big door closing between us.. then another and another.. And still, since we have managed to stay together after all the misunderstandings, the arguing and the pain involved, I can't help being astonished at the fact how many doors we must have opened to get together in the first place. There are still things that keep us together...
Thank you for your thoughts which are my thoughts, too :)
@imaginativePlane7983 I believe your first question deserves this answer: if you feel like you hate this person, try identifying what you hate about them. Then, try and see if this person can adjust themselves to a point of comfort for the both of you. If this doesn't help, try and take a self service break; a vacation to a resort for a week, or maybe just a trip to the beach, something you can enjoy and relax. Remember: self care isn't selfish. For your second question: not everyone knows the answers to everything, which is a good thing. If you know too much, you can get to be a more questionable person, asking things like: why is the sky blue? or can I do this without affecting these people for a period of time? Just try to calm down and remember this tip: Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat this as much as you need!
