I want to die but I can't.
1. People know my name, and if they can't connect that to a person anymore, it would be bad. I have friends online that I want to meet someday.
2. I know that it'll pass in a week or so, since it always only lasts two weeks.
3. My rational part says that's stupid, don't do it.
4. It'll be mess for others. If I want to go away because I'm bothering people, wouldn't going away bother people more?
5. If school is bad, I'll just quit. And I won't do that either. I'm "bored" enough that I don't want to do anything. I'm avoiding people, I don't want to say things I'll regret. I don't want my friends to worry.
1. While depression comes and goes, I know it will be back and the exact weeks it will be back. It's been repeating for a year now.
2. I can't get help. I can't tell my parents. I can't do anything. I'm trying otc supplements, but it isn't working. I feel the same. I don't know if I'm even taking the right ones. I had to buy it on cash since I don't want my parents to know.
3. Stress never ends. Problems never end, this cycle never ends. Depression is like clockwork for me.
4. I'm tired, it's the third day now. I don't want to make it through the week until it ends. (What if it doesn't. Then I'm really screwed.)
Conclusion: I'm stuck. I don't know what to do next. I honestly tried otc medicines and the fact that it isn't working is making me feel dead inside. I don't want to bother, hurt, affect anyone in any way. I nearly told a friend yesterday and he was worried. And I felt worse knowing I was being selfish. It really hurts, I can't think straight anymore. I have finals coming up and I can't fail them. That's what everyone is busy with. I'm not joking when I say I can't bother people or I am a bother.
Is this really a listening website? I don't believe it anymore. Nothing's working. I don't understand how it works. It's my only option if I want to talk. What do I even want anymore I don't know. I hate typing, I can't draw, I can't show anything. I'm annoyed that I'm feeling this way, like it's my fault. I refuse to swear, I refuse to not puncuate. And as a result, I sure don't sound upset do I?
@RedAki
I can't breathe. I can't move. I'm at school so I have to look normal. I don't know where to turn to. I really can't breathe.
Please delete this.
@RedAki
you want me to delete the thread ?
@HalliwellSister
I was embarrassed right after writing so I reported myself a few times but it didn't delete. And I guess I wrote that so people could disregard this. But the replies surprised me and I want to think about it. So I guess I take that back.
@RedAki
alright :)
@RedAki
Medicines have always proven pretty lame when it comes to solving this kind of situation. As much as I hate to say it, chemical compounds are not omnipotent.
I'd like to tell you you shouldn't feel selfish for asking help to other. That would be pretty ironic considering that is very exactly why I can't say a thing to anyone about how I feel. But hey, I'm gonna say that anyway. Don't feel selfish for asking help. It's all but selfish. And there's no better way of spotting a selfless person than looking for those who call themselves selfish.
I'd like to tell you your last sentence was not needed, but it actually was a big help to understand. You... you are not actually upset are you ? You wish you were, but it's almost like you don't have the strength to be upset anymore.
But you're here.
Yeah, I know, written like that, it sounds lame, but it's a solid fact. As much as I hate to admit it for myself - again - the simple fact of being here proves there's still a way to get out of what you're in.
Clocks can break pretty easily. It just needs a spark. This trigger has gotta be here, somwhere. No other choice but to keep lookin'.
I want to die .but I can't...I think dying would solve all my problems....really...dying is the perfect solution to my problem...but I don't want to make my parents hurt...i m here at home praying to god to take me away as soon as possible...since I can't kill myself right now
You have done really well to post this. I am sorry that you feel so bad.