I want to die but I can't.
1. People know my name, and if they can't connect that to a person anymore, it would be bad. I have friends online that I want to meet someday.
2. I know that it'll pass in a week or so, since it always only lasts two weeks.
3. My rational part says that's stupid, don't do it.
4. It'll be mess for others. If I want to go away because I'm bothering people, wouldn't going away bother people more?
5. If school is bad, I'll just quit. And I won't do that either. I'm "bored" enough that I don't want to do anything. I'm avoiding people, I don't want to say things I'll regret. I don't want my friends to worry.
1. While depression comes and goes, I know it will be back and the exact weeks it will be back. It's been repeating for a year now.
2. I can't get help. I can't tell my parents. I can't do anything. I'm trying otc supplements, but it isn't working. I feel the same. I don't know if I'm even taking the right ones. I had to buy it on cash since I don't want my parents to know.
3. Stress never ends. Problems never end, this cycle never ends. Depression is like clockwork for me.
4. I'm tired, it's the third day now. I don't want to make it through the week until it ends. (What if it doesn't. Then I'm really screwed.)
Conclusion: I'm stuck. I don't know what to do next. I honestly tried otc medicines and the fact that it isn't working is making me feel dead inside. I don't want to bother, hurt, affect anyone in any way. I nearly told a friend yesterday and he was worried. And I felt worse knowing I was being selfish. It really hurts, I can't think straight anymore. I have finals coming up and I can't fail them. That's what everyone is busy with. I'm not joking when I say I can't bother people or I am a bother.
Is this really a listening website? I don't believe it anymore. Nothing's working. I don't understand how it works. It's my only option if I want to talk. What do I even want anymore I don't know. I hate typing, I can't draw, I can't show anything. I'm annoyed that I'm feeling this way, like it's my fault. I refuse to swear, I refuse to not puncuate. And as a result, I sure don't sound upset do I?