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RedAki
1,336 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts31 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2017 Member sinceSeptember 23, 2016
Bio
I want to be stronger so that I won't need to make anyone worry or feel awkward interacting with me. I like drawing and I used to play the flute.
Recent forum posts
Someone to talk to
General Support / by RedAki
Last post
 March 24th, 2017
...See more I'm looking for someone willing to talk to a high schooler who probably needs more help than they are willing to admit. Topics would be depression, family, and school stress. I'll apologize to anyome beforehand because sometimes I really want to reach out to someone, and othertimes just want to shut down everything and go silent. Also, define depression and suicidal ideation for me because I have no idea what those labels mean. Mainly, I'm worried about creating new connections with others because it feels manipulative and attention seeking from my part. I'm trying to keep any negativity away from others in real life but it's hard.
Please, someone willing to actually listen.
Depression Support / by RedAki
Last post
 January 3rd, 2017
...See more I need help dealing with PMDD and a long distance "friendship" mess. I'm a high school student and I just got actually diagnosed even though I knew the symptoms for a long time. And the second part is quite an interesting story, so please, if there is someone out there willing to listen to a teenager talk about their irrational mistakes, please let me talk. I've talked to many people, but it was always one time and only a part of the story. I just want to be heard fully by anyone. I'm sorry to be a bother, but I feel like I'm running out of options. Too long to read? I'm looking for a listener for just two weeks because that is how PMDD works.
I want to die but I can't.
General Support / by RedAki
Last post
 March 24th, 2017
...See more 1. People know my name, and if they can't connect that to a person anymore, it would be bad. I have friends online that I want to meet someday. 2. I know that it'll pass in a week or so, since it always only lasts two weeks. 3. My rational part says that's stupid, don't do it. 4. It'll be mess for others. If I want to go away because I'm bothering people, wouldn't going away bother people more? 5. If school is bad, I'll just quit. And I won't do that either. I'm "bored" enough that I don't want to do anything. I'm avoiding people, I don't want to say things I'll regret. I don't want my friends to worry. 1. While depression comes and goes, I know it will be back and the exact weeks it will be back. It's been repeating for a year now. 2. I can't get help. I can't tell my parents. I can't do anything. I'm trying otc supplements, but it isn't working. I feel the same. I don't know if I'm even taking the right ones. I had to buy it on cash since I don't want my parents to know. 3. Stress never ends. Problems never end, this cycle never ends. Depression is like clockwork for me. 4. I'm tired, it's the third day now. I don't want to make it through the week until it ends. (What if it doesn't. Then I'm really screwed.) Conclusion: I'm stuck. I don't know what to do next. I honestly tried otc medicines and the fact that it isn't working is making me feel dead inside. I don't want to bother, hurt, affect anyone in any way. I nearly told a friend yesterday and he was worried. And I felt worse knowing I was being selfish. It really hurts, I can't think straight anymore. I have finals coming up and I can't fail them. That's what everyone is busy with. I'm not joking when I say I can't bother people or I am a bother. Is this really a listening website? I don't believe it anymore. Nothing's working. I don't understand how it works. It's my only option if I want to talk. What do I even want anymore I don't know. I hate typing, I can't draw, I can't show anything. I'm annoyed that I'm feeling this way, like it's my fault. I refuse to swear, I refuse to not puncuate. And as a result, I sure don't sound upset do I?
Over the Counter Meds for Periodic Depression?
Depression Support / by RedAki
Last post
 December 6th, 2016
...See more I'm not diagnosed with depression since I refused to tell my parents and because I only feel down maybe half of every month. Strange but because I get two weeks of feeling okay, I'm stubborn enough to basically find my own ways of dealing. Maybe the way I have been raised as a very traditional Asian-American that covers such problems? But anyways, I need to visit CVS tomorrow and see if there are any general/ low side effect medicines that I can buy without a prescription. (I know the two weeks where I feel like crap are coming and I actually scared.) I'm entirely new to medications to treat depression, but since this might be something related to my period/ hormones, I think they might be more effective than doing cbt programs? I need more opinions, so anyone please help me. Note: I can't tell my parents, I don't entirely know why, but that isn't a solution available at all.
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Journals & Diaries / by RedAki
Last post
 November 27th, 2016
...See more I don't know if this'll make any sense to any one other than me, but I'll still give it a try.
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