"You're Taking Too Long To Heal!"
Had an argument earlier with an online friend today and blocked him in the end. He started questioning why I was taking too long to recover and doubted that my therapy sessions were helping me. He was giving me unsolicited advice, and then labeling me as "below average". I was very hurt by his words, to which he responded that the truth hurts. It felt very wrong of him to tell me that, so I immediately blocked him after pointing out that it wasn't right of him to say those things. He says he wants the best for me but it felt very insensitive. I don't tell him a lot of things, so part of me is glad that I kept my boundaries up until the end.
@compassionateOak202 Hey CompassionateOak! That's great that you were able to make the choice to block him for your mental health and keep your boundaries. Healing can look different for everyone there isn't a time frame it has to happen in. Good luck with your healing process <3
@compassionateOak202 yeah that was not very sensitive of himš I also struggle with this to be honrst. I mean I want to be better now. But it doesn't work like that
@compassionateOak202
I sometimes feel that those who think therapy or any help is just "take a pill... all good now" ... have no clue.
would they say the same if you had a broken bone or a physical issue ... NO They might be scared that the process is long sometimes and healing is not instant ... maybe they have an issue and think if you heal fats then they will get help for themselves or they are scared it does not go away ...
people say insensitive things about things they do not understand or things they may be afraid of.
@compassionateOak202
First off all I want to appreciate you for being brave to go for a therapy and take a step towards your own self betterment.
I guess whoever this friend of yours is. He/she is opposite of your gender and he/she have grown expectations from you. indeed whatever they said was a rude thing.
sometimes pushing yourself too much specially cause of someone else exhausts you to fall back in the same zone from where you actually want to escape.
I can relate how loosing a good friend in situation like this feels like. But, knowing what's right for your mental and spiritual health is much important at time like these.
I hope things will take time accordingly and it'll be okay to save your energy for your healing.
More power to you!
@underwatermountain Thank you very much. I also practiced active
listening here for a while, to realize that his words did not sit right
with me and continued to persist in judging and gaslighting me.
Fortunately, we aren't very close, so he thought "it was best" to use
this as a way to "wake me up". But ultimately, it just creates more
damage to someone who is recovering from another relapse.
@compassionateOak202
then I must say that he is not cautious with his words.
Man, the title of this thread grabbed me hard! I feel like that's what my boyfriend thinks of me sometimes. He's a recovering addict (been clean for 3 years) which is awesome - I'm so proud of the progress he's made...he completely turned his life around which is not easy - many people die trying. The thing is, I stood by him through the worst parts of it (9 years) and we also had a child in the midst of it. A LOT of damage was done - broken trust, gaslighting, you name it! While I'm happy to say he isn't adding new damage, he isn't willing to participate in counseling to help me heal from the old damage so we can move forward. It's like he looks at me and says "What more do you need to heal? You already know I'm sorry for the damage I caused before and I changed so I'm not doing it anymore, so we should be fine now!" It just seems like there should be more to it than that because I don't feel healed and so I can't move forward - I feel like I'm holding us back. He's happy with the life he has rebuilt for himself (as he should be) and he doesn't want to dwell in the past. Truthfully, I don't want to dwell on the past either, but I feel like he's trying to skip a step and sweep everything under the rug. The problem is, there's no more space under my rug because of all of the things I previously swept under there for him before. I don't know how to heal on my own. I feel like it's important that he be a part of it so we can move forward together, otherwise it'll just feel like we're drifting apart rather than growing together. Does that make sense?
Hi, @K8ydi I think it makes sense what you are trying to say. I can understand that you are still healing from all the damage, even though your partner has very much improved and recovered from his past mistakes. Ultimately, it can never replace what has already happened in the past. While each healing/ recovery journey is to each on their own, I hope things work out for both of you and hopefully, he'll be able to understand what you are still going through and acknowledge your feelings.
@K8ydid Absolutely, your partner has overcome his issues and doesn't wanna dwell in the past. But you are right, you need to be healed otherwise that will only cause harm to your relationship in the end, which can cause harm to your partner too. Please continue concentrating on your healing and try to sit down and talk to him how important this is for you.
@compassionateOak202
Iām really sorry this was said to you. Iām sure youāre working hard and doing your best, and you donāt need added pressure. I believe that sometimes people think that if weāre not doing āthe thingā as often or at all anymore (self harm, engaging in eating disorder, etc.) then weāre āhealedā and shouldnāt struggle. This couldnāt be further from the truth. The mental forces that drive our actions can take months, years, or a lifetime to healāeven if the actions are no longer present
Youāre going at your own pace. And thatās exactly where you need to be.
I need to tattoo that last bit onto my forehead. Thank you. š
@compassionateOak202 Well you know what they say, the worst thing tht you can do is be blunt with people, but rushing healing?!? Everybody's different/ I'm the smartest male who I knw, and healing takes me a LONG time bro.
@compassionateOak202
Take your time friend,you will recover very soon and your treatment must be good. I don't know what injury you suffered but even a finger cut by knife by mistake takes weeks to completely recover. Get Well Soon ā¤ļø
@compassionateOak202 Healing can take super long, It took me 36 years to stop abusing cannabis, and my libido's *** now. I don't even feel like conquered the addiction, it was just causing too much inflamation, and ear-aches due to smoking K (don't ever smoke K)
