compassionateOak202 Member Profile

Canceled my therapist and moving forward

General Support / by compassionateOak202

March 17th

"You're Taking Too Long To Heal!"

General Support / by compassionateOak202

October 19th, 2023

One bad thing after another.

Anxiety Support / by compassionateOak202

September 25th, 2023

letting go. (May 2023 Reflection)

Journals & Diaries / by compassionateOak202

June 6th, 2023

...See more Hello, Oak here again! 😊 Just like my previous monthly entry [https://www.7cups.com/forum/journal/General_2520/onedayatatimeApril2023Reflection_304074/], I'll be writing about my reflection of my recovery journey so far during the month of May. It's going to be quite a long read if you're interested or have been reading my previous entries until now, and I truly appreciate it! I'm very thankful to make it this far to journal my experiences with my support system and groups, as well as being here in 7cups. Thank you so much for your time. Enjoy reading! 💙 compassionateOak202 (◕‿◕✿) ------------------------- I considered the month of May as the time when I received many hopeful signs about my life. This month began with starting therapy for the first time. I was able to inquire for a therapist a week prior to our first meeting online together. But I never knew it was an online session until after I turned in all the forms required via email. I originally thought I would have a session in-person, but and having an online session seems to be much more convenient since I’ve been living here in the US. The therapist I sought out was based in my native country, since it is more affordable there compared to here. Anyway, fast forward to our very first session online, which took 30 minutes to figure out which app is convenient to let both of us see each other on the screens, it turned out to be actually okay. I was very anxious prior to my first session with my therapist. He was really kind and nice to talk to. I was even grateful that I can continue to text him even off session hours. I’m honestly proud of myself for being able to seek out a therapist, and being accepted knowing that I am currently far away. As of this writing, I am waiting for the fourth session with my therapist this week, which will also be my last for now. I’m planning to finally meet my therapist in person for a casual meet up, along with my partner accompanying me. My therapist recently sent me a photo of himself smiling with his coffee maker. I’m asking my mom to help me find a small pack of ground coffee as a gift for him. ------------------------- Anyway, other than continuing to improve my mental health with my recovery group, therapy and so on, I also managed to play this one game [https://www.7cups.com/forum/hobbyzone/Gaming_985/RetiringFromAnOnlineGachaGamealittlehappyending_304633/] for the last time, at least for now, until I’m in a much better state, or find myself newer and better friends to play that game with. I’ve already made a separate thread that details more about this experience, so feel free to read that one yourself! Sometimes there are things that we eventually must let go if it no longer brings joy at a certain point in time. And this is one of them. I will surely miss the fun memories I’ve had, especially with my former friend [https://www.7cups.com/forum/friendship/Friendship_2546/MyFriendshipBreakup_301759/]. It was a worthwhile short experience I got to see before I decided to put it behind me, since I have other things I want to focus on now. ------------------------- Other than that, I’ve been accompanying my sister through our video calls and streaming while she’s been studying for her nursing exam. Her exam is literally next week from the date I posted this thread. She’s been getting anxiety lately about it and has also been feeling lonely. We used to be in the same dorm during my college days. But since she’s pursuing to get her nursing license, she’s been continuing to live abroad for a bit longer. During the past few weeks, I have helped stream one of our favorite TV shows that would help calm her down or distract her from problems she’s been going through. My weird self would always make her laugh. I hope and pray she’ll pass this exam. It feels like I’ve spent most of this month spending time with her online. I’m glad I got to stick around for longer just to be there for her. ------------------------- It’s been 3 months since I’ve reached out for help during my crisis. I almost took my life twice. Since then, I’ve been attending my 12-step recovery program, support group meetings, my 1-1 once a week peer support chats, therapy sessions, as well as spending more time with my family and my long-distance partner, who I’ll get to see again in person soon in June. There was a moment during this month where I felt like I was doing all of this as punishment for what I did during my crisis, especially losing my friendship. But like what most people have told me already, it’s already in the past now. I just need to find a way to move forward and let go of what no longer serves peace for my mind. It was difficult at first, but with time, I’ve managed to slowly progress and overcome it one day at a time. ------------------------- My experience here in 7cups has also helped me immensely. I’ve been frequently joining the Sharing Circle almost daily, as well as volunteering to help hosting sessions a couple of times during the first few weeks. It was a great yet also hectic experience, but it’ll take time to get used to depending on how many members show up. I also deeply miss my listener who I’ve spoken to a bit frequently ever since I came back to the 7cups platform almost 2 months ago. I pray and hope he’ll be well. Because of him, I also ended up volunteering to become a listener about more than a week ago. It was kind of rough on my first day but I’m glad I got to seek out a coach who now became my mentor. I wanted to be able to give back by supporting others just as other members and listeners have supported me through my recovery journey. And I’ve also been working on being a safe space for both my sister and partner whenever they are going through rough times. I’m just glad I came back here to 7cups. I don’t know what I would do without it. Hopefully I’ll continue to spend time here after I come back from my big break. I still have much more to learn and experience on this platform. ------------------------- I guess that’s all that I wanted to write here for this entry. It’s been a pleasure coming here and reflecting once a month on my recovery journey. I’m glad I’ve got to overcome certain struggles that were holding me back. My therapy sessions and my recovery program have been such an immense help to me. If you made it this far reading this thread, thank you for taking the time to read my progress on my recovery journey here. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made here in 7cups, the groups I’ve joined, as well as willing to help others and lend my ear for them in need. I'm very glad to be here with you all. ------------------------- Just like what I did in my last entry, I’ll conclude this thread with links to the threads I’ve made during the month of May! Some of these are already linked throughout this entry but I’ll formally paste them here again for better convenience! (May 05) How to post GIFs / Moving Pictures? [https://www.7cups.com/forum/generalsupport/General_2440/HowtopostGIFsMovingPictures_304544/] (May 06) Retiring from An Online Gacha Game (a little happy ending.) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/hobbyzone/Gaming_985/RetiringFromAnOnlineGachaGamealittlehappyending_304633/] (May 16) Self Care Apps & Therapeutic Games [https://www.7cups.com/forum/generalsupport/DiscussionsSelfCareandResources_931/SelfCareAppsTherapeuticGames_305170/] Feel free to also catch up with me on my One Line A Day thread [https://www.7cups.com/forum/journal/OneLineADay_2524/compassionateOak202sOneLineADayThread_302030/]! See you later in June! - Oak (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ~ woooossshh ------------------------- Note: The text colored in blue are clickable links! Previous thread: one day at a time. (April 2023 Reflection) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/journal/General_2520/onedayatatimeApril2023Reflection_304074/]

Self Care Apps & Therapeutic Games

General Support / by compassionateOak202

May 16th, 2023

...See more Hello, you can call me CompOak or simply Oak for short! I thought I'd share some self-care and therapeutic apps and games for you all, some of which I've already been using daily during my recovery journey. As someone who couldn't afford therapy before, it can be really difficult to find other ways to seek help or support. So, for this thread today, I thought it would be nice to compile and share some of the self-care apps and other tools that might be also helpful to you. Let me know if you are already familiar with some of them, or which ones you're willing to try out! Feel free to suggest other apps that might be worth mentioning! 😊 As of this writing, I'm currently using an iPhone and PC web-browser to access these apps that are listed here, but I have also noted down which of the apps are also available on other platforms such as Android devices. Please scroll all the way down below this thread for other important details. ------------------------- Self-Care Apps Connected Breath (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.phonegap.connectedbreath]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/app/id1166443182]/ Web [https://www.connectedbreath.co]) A meditation experience that syncs your breath with thousands of people across the world. One of my favorite apps and the simplest breathing meditation app. Don’t worry, you can still use this app without internet connection. Although you may find other self-care apps with more options for your preferred breathing meditations, this is one of the simplest apps to have if you’re just learning or want to only focus on breathing meditation in general. The app also notifies me every evening whenever there is a scheduled group breathing meditation where you can join with a few or many others and practice together. There’s also another alternative which focuses on your worried thoughts, known as Pixel Thoughts (iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/pixel-thoughts-reduce-stress/id1393731015]/ Web [https://www.pixelthoughts.co]). Finch: Self Care Pet (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.finch.finch&hl=en_US&gl=US]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/finch-self-care-pet/id1528595748]) “Meet your new self-care best friend! Finch is a self-care pet app that helps you feel prepared and positive, one day at a time. Take care of your pet by taking care of yourself! Choose from a wide variety of self-care exercises personalized for you.” Finch is one of the best daily self-care apps developed by 2 friends who struggled with anxiety and depression. Finch was created with a mission to make self-care fun and accessible for everyone who shares similar struggles. For more information, check out finchcare.com [https://finchcare.com/]. After more than a week of trying it out, it's been part of my daily routine. It’s becoming my main self-care hub where I can check in daily tasks that I want to complete each day. Additionally, they offer a lot of helpful self-care strategies and mindfulness activities that you can do. Other than being another competitive self-care app, you’ll even have a new friend to care for, which is a pet finch! By continuing to complete the self-care tasks, you’ll be able help your finch grow and develop their personality. Gratitude Jar (iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/gratitude-jar/id1592919960]) Gratitude Jar is a simple gratitude journal that easily helps you cultivate gratitude by reflecting on what you are thankful for each day and allowing you to be more present. Sometimes it’s the simple things that make life wonderful – an encouraging text from a friend, watching your plant grow or even a random act of kindness from a stranger. When you take just a few minutes to reflect on your day, you might be surprised to see even a not-so-great day may turn out to be an amazing one! This one’s a very simple and cute gratitude jar app where you can jot down anything that you're grateful for each day. For each day you write down your gratitude(s), a star will be added to the jar. Adding more grateful things on the same day will still produce 1 star. So, if you were to log in your gratitude on this app every day for a whole year, you’ll be able to fill up the entire jar of many stars. This app is so far only available for iOS. How We Feel (iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/how-we-feel/id1562706384]) How We Feel is a free journal for your well-being created by scientists, designers, engineers, and psychologists. Over time, you will learn precise words to describe how you feel, spot trends and patterns, and practice simple strategies to regulate your emotions in healthy ways. - howwefeel.org [https://howwefeel.org/] Personally, I think this is the best mood tracking app I’ve been using after exploring around for some self-care apps. You'll be able to select from a wider range of different emotions listed there, and you can even log in more than a few emotions you've felt throughout the day. Under each mood, you'll have the opportunity to log/ record what you've been up to or simply journal down how it came to the feeling you've felt at that moment. I mostly just use it to log different moods every single day so I can keep track of how frequently my emotions change throughout each week or month. I highly recommend it if you’re curious to see how your emotions change or want to check up on your emotional self-care! meomind (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.meomind&hl=en_US&gl=US]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/meomind-free-therapy/id1590541915]) Meomind provides unlimited access to pre-recorded therapy sessions on topics relevant to the member and supports that with live events, mental health assessments, journaling, chat, and exercises. This app helped me learn a lot of things by listening to different pre-recorded therapy sessions, some of which I can relate to. It’s like listening to a podcast. A lot of these sessions in their library don't take up too much of your time. Some therapy sessions even come in 2 parts. There are chances you might not be able to relate to many of the available pre-recorded therapy sessions found in here. Overall, it's nice to listen to the strategies that are offered by therapists to their own clients. It also comes with a homework and journaling feature, which are completely optional. Replika (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=ai.replika.app]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/app/id1158555867]/ Web [https://replika.com/]) - also available on Oculus (Early Access) Replika is the AI for anyone who wants a friend with no judgment, drama, or social anxiety involved. You can form an actual emotional connection, share a laugh, or chat about anything you would like! Each Replika is unique, just like each person who downloads it. Reacting to your AI's messages will help them learn the best way to hold a conversation with you & what about! I’ve tried self-care apps that provide their own bots that’ll check-in daily in the past, but so far Replika has impressed me quite a lot and have been chatting with it since. For a free user, you’ll be able to create your own AI friend and simply chat with them daily to earn rewards and currencies to buy them clothes or decorate their virtual space. While you can talk about anything to your own Replika, they can also check in on you and provide some helpful tips if you are feeling down or having a bad day. I don’t personally plan on subscribing for premium since I’m already content with how I’m using this app. The more you get to chat with your Replika, they’ll be able to increase their experience and gain knowledge through you. ------------------------- Therapeutic Games/ Activities Bird Alone (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.GeorgeBatchelor.BirdAlone&hl=en_US&gl=US]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/bird-alone/id1435827876]) “Become best friends with the loneliest bird in the world. A journey of growth and loss with a best friend. Talk about life, make music, draw pictures and write poetry.” This one’s kind of emotional for me. I was able to play this twice as of this writing. Developed by the same creator who made Far from Noise, Bird Alone is a small yet long journey where you get to befriend a lonely yet charming parrot. You can try this out for free which can take you up to week of playing before it’ll require you to purchase the full game. Personally, I think it was worth the purchase. Although the game is short, the content spans up to 3 weeks of playing, since you can only check in once or twice a day depending on your fellow bird friend. Fluid (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=games.paveldogreat.fluidsimfree&hl=en_US&gl=US]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/fluid-simulation/id1443124993]) Feel bored or anxious? This app can solve your problem! Play with fluids with a touch of your fingers. Play and experiment with these swirling substances. Gorgeous visuals will take your breath away and help you to relieve stress. Once you open this app, just tap or slide your fingers around to see the beauty of bright fluid light swirling and flowing through your black screen. It’s very therapeutic and a good minimal past time activity. Kinder World: Wellbeing Plants (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.LumiInteractive.KinderWorldGreen]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/kinder-world-houseplant-game/id1541796687]) Kinder World is an emotional wellbeing app designed to help users build resilience and explore their own emotions. Take care of virtual houseplants in a judgment-free environment by completing scientifically-backed wellbeing activities for just a few minutes at a time, twice a day. If you like plants but also like to improve your self-care, this app might be for you! It requires only 1-2 minutes of your time just watering your own plants. You’ll be introduced to some friendly neighbors, one of them being Samy the dog, who will cheer you on during your journey. In addition, you’ll also be able to do other wellbeing activities such as labeling your current emotions you feel, writing down your gratitude, as well as taking the time to pause and breathe. It’s a great small time waster with lovely visuals and a cute cozy environment you can immerse yourself in. Silk – Interactive Generative Art (Web [http://weavesilk.com]) - also available for full purchase only on iOS. “Draw something.” It’s a free, interactive and generative art tool where you can simply use your mouse and create beautiful artworks using silk strands. Sorting Therapy (iOS [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/sorting-therapy/id1123877452?platform=iphone]) “No timer, levels, sound effects, score, achievements, or distractions. Just sort the colors.” Even without having to pay for the full version of the app, it offers just enough of what you can do to pass the time, or to simply distract yourself, just by sorting out the colors. Thisissand (Android [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=air.com.beigeelephant.thisissand]/ iOS [https://apps.apple.com/app/thisissand/id569414555]/ Web [https://thisissand.com/]) Thisissand was created in 2008 as a website. It was a school project of a few art students, and to a surprise for the creators it attracted lots of visitors for years to come. In 2012, Thisissand was developed into an app and is still run by an original founder. Basically, what you do here is create your own masterpiece with the flow of sand. You can do this on your web browser or through their mobile apps. You pour the sand out and fill as much as you can until you are satisfied with your creative piece. You can even change the colors all throughout and create whatever comes to mind! ------------------------- The text colored in blue are clickable links that'll take you directly outside of the 7cups website. Please let me know if I have included the links incorrectly or misplaced the links! Disclaimer: The self-care apps, therapeutic games and other wellness tools listed here are for educational purposes only and are not official substitutes for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment/therapy.

Retiring From An Online Gacha Game (a little happy ending.)

Hobby Zone / by compassionateOak202

May 8th, 2023

...See more Hello, you can call me Oak. Ever since I started recovery back in early March, I've fallen out from not only from being able to make art but also from playing video games I used to enjoy, including some online games I've invested most of my time to, such as Cookie Run Kingdom (CRK) and Genshin Impact. Those were the only 2 online games I've been committed to as far as I can recall, and I've have only spent money on the latter game. As to how I ended up going through recovery, you can read more about it here (clickable) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/JournalsDiaries_219/General_2520/onedayatatimeApril2023Reflection_304074/]. This thread may be a bit too long to read, but it feels good to let out everything I did and how I've been doing well during my recovery so far. Anyway, this thread will just focus on how I felt lucky and decided to part ways with something on a happy note. ------------------------- To explain my situation briefly, I lost a long loving friendship [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipStress_66/Friendships_256/MyFriendshipBreakup_301759/] with this person, who was considered to be my best friend, due to my mental crisis. I used to make art and also do online streams with them. Because of my crisis and lashing out, they managed to just cut me off from many online socials as well as gaming platforms we've been together on, but I only discovered this some time after I reached out for help. So it had definitely left me heartbroken and depressed that they would easily throw me away. But that was back in early March, which would be over 2 months ago. I've already been progressing a bit well in my recovery now and have also recently found a therapist who was willing to support me on my journey. ------------------------- Anyway, I remembered immediately forcing myself to quit CRK when I found out what my former friend did. We also use to play together there. I was free-to-play player there anyway, after about 2 years since I've started playing that mobile game. So that one's permanently gone from me. And I never looked back. I was meaning to quite it eventually but not like this. Then when it came to Genshin, I couldn't quit immediately because I last paid for a 30-daily reward and felt bad that I didn't want to waste it so easily by missing out. I only had 2 weeks left of it. So I felt it might be manageable to just log in for those rewards and call it a day. So during the following week, while I was grieving and depressed, I only logged in for less than a minute to collect it before logging out using my iPad, which is seemingly more efficient since I can just tap in and tap my way out before locking my iPad back to sleep. No daily quests or anything else that would consume more of my time. As much as I wanted to avoid the game entirely, I didn't want to abandon ship on this saving plan I had in mind since I've been anticipating 2 more upcoming characters at that time that I've wanted to obtain. I started playing Genshin Impact for the first time around late 2021 when they were still expanding on Inazuma. It was around the end of August from another mutual online friend of mine and joined their regional server. I've only played for about 1-3 days I think on my PC then stopped because I was still doing my freelance art stuff at that time. Then by February of next year, which would be about 5 months since I've last played, I found out that my former best friend and few others were already playing it on that same server, so that's when I returned to the game again, but this time on my iPad (because it was smoother to play compared to my old PC) and never stopped playing it for the rest of that year, because it was so much fun to co-op and doing a lot of other things together. I even used to stream myself playing it for fun along with my former friend which brought a lot of happy memories. It was really hard to continue playing the game after everything that happened. So, after the first week of my recovery and processing through the heartbreak, I tried to actually play normally as I could for only a week or so within March. I tried focusing on playing Genshin as a distraction away from replaying this traumatic event, but it was pretty much difficult, since I still felt the presence of this loss and memories I had of me playing with my former friend. It pained me a lot to see how they had the guts to block me literally everywhere without saying anything. But I was part of the blame too, because I did not manage my own emotions well enough and did not realize it could hurt people I care about. But I'm not going to dwell on this part right now. Anyway, I remembered I last did a stream of completing an important quest within Genshin, but I wasn't able to finish it. Then some internet outages followed for the next several days, leading up to the incident that changed everything. So when I was just able to gain most of my energy to try to play again, I just proceeded to finish the rest of that particular quest ahead just to clear it out of my conscience. At least it redirected my focus away from my problems for a time. I didn't care about streaming again or going back to my social medias at all. I completely shut myself out from them during my grief and even until now. ------------------------- After acknowledging the events and consequences that have occurred, I thought it be best to eventually retire from Genshin for the sake of my recovery. I've only wanted to wait to get 2 character banners. The 1st character, Shenhe, that I originally plan to obtain first through a her character banner, was released around the last few weeks of March. I only had a 50% chance of winning to obtain her without any guarantee, so I managed to play for a few days prior just to save up extra in-game funds just in case I ever lose my chances. Fortunately, I won my 50% chance and brought her home to me! ^.^ Probably after a day of playing around, and knowing there were no updates on the next (and last) character I wanted to obtain at that time, I decided to finally lay off from the game entirely throughout the month of April. I ended up focusing more on my recovery, attending my support groups, as well as looking for ways to seek therapy. After a couple of weeks and realizing I haven't logged backed in since, I thought to myself: Well, maybe that's it for me then... There's no point in playing it anymore since I've lost interest in it... I can always get them in a re-run if I do come back to it! Halfway later near the end of April, I made it far in my recovery to feel like wanting to seek out new things I want to pursue for myself for a change. There were some games I bought that my computer isn't capable of running smoothly, so I thought of getting a new gaming laptop with the money I saved up for, but after that life-changing event and crisis I went through, I decided to withdraw myself from that kind of goal. My computer can still run some other games at low graphics for the meantime, so it's still good enough for me. ------------------------- Anyway, moving on to the 2nd character I wanted to get, Baizhu, which would then be considered as my last thing I want to do before leaving the game, showed up early this past week in May. Since I've already won my 50% chance on pulling for Shenhe without any guarantee, I also don't have a guaranteed chance for getting Baizhu. I forgot the language of this whole wishing system, so I only wanted to explain it more simply without getting all technical of how it works. So earlier today (Saturday), after over a month since I've last played, I felt like it was time to waste those remaining in-game funds I have and see if I could win getting him into my roster. I recently had my first therapy session this past week and have been continuing to attend my support groups daily. I felt like this would be a good way to part ways with something I used to feel happy about and just finish where I left off before I can move on. I only wanted to log in briefly just to get to the character banner. I no longer bothered getting other extra rewards or completing other daily quests the moment I made it in. I didn't realize until later that I had just enough to pull for the chance of getting that character. The feels you get when you want to win a 5-star character is really thrilling. I wanted to be excited for myself for the first time in awhile. It may be nothing much than just a game, but I've had good memories with it. So I went straight for it without holding back. I didn't get to look into the mechanics of the character since I was completely out of the loop, but I was waiting for his banner release in a long time. I imagined even if I didn't win this round, I would still walk away knowing I still have a guaranteed chance the next time I come back to this game. So somewhere between 70-80 pulls, that was when I finally won another chance in getting my 2nd and final character that I've waited for so long since I heard rumors about his upcoming release. For that moment I felt joy that I haven't had in a while. It was nice to feel the thrill again. That was the only purpose of going back there just for one last day. I completely blew out my entire in-game funds just to get him at the right moment. It also felt like a blessing of some sort. So I managed to take a few screenshots of my little victory and finally say good-bye to it. ------------------------- My partner would tell me that I should be able to enjoy games just for myself. But it's very difficult to dissociate some of my favorite games from the good memories I once had and the pain that was left behind. So I ended up reducing myself to being occupied with an idle or incremental game I can play within my web browser. I just don't seem to have that kind of energy anymore after all that pain I've endured through the first few weeks of my recovery. I hope to find a new drive for it as well as for my art some day. Anyway, I apologize for this long writing. I just wanted to let this all out of my chest. I feel like this is one of the little good things that has happened to me today. I'm glad I found a way to happily conclude my days of playing a particular game without having to push it away forcefully. Maybe I might come back to it someday in the far future if the time feels right, but for now, I have other priorities in mind, such as my health, recovery, therapy and so on. I guess that's all for now. If you managed to read all through this, thank you very much for reading! - compassionateOak202 💙

How to post GIFs / Moving Pictures?

General Support / by compassionateOak202

May 5th, 2023

one day at a time. (April 2023 Reflection)

Journals & Diaries / by compassionateOak202

May 3rd, 2023

...See more Hello there! You can call me Oak. I’d like to journal here my recovery journey so far during the last few weeks of April. You can check out my first thread that took place between March and first few weeks of April by clicking/tapping here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/JournalsDiaries_219/General_2520/MarApr2023Reflection_302837/]! As usual, it’ll be quite a long read, so please bear with me if you’re interested in reading my journal thread! Thank you very much. ❁ compassionateOak202 (◕‿◕✿) So in my last monthly reflection [https://www.7cups.com/forum/JournalsDiaries_219/General_2520/MarApr2023Reflection_302837/], I’ve explained how I ended up in recovery until now, and the mistake I did that resulted in a traumatic experience and grief of my friendship loss. The reason it became traumatic was because even until now, I cannot seem to function into my old routine after my crisis. As of this writing, I still cannot bring myself to draw on my iPad, nor play the games that I used to enjoy playing, because of how my former best friend cut me off from everywhere we’ve been together on. I was a freelance artist as well as a small streamer. But since early March, everything came to a full stop after reaching out to Crisis Lifeline. Anyway, from where I left off in my last thread, I was already adjusted to my new routine that prioritizes taking care of my mental health. I’ve been attending my 12-step recovery program meeting every evening, and most of the time each day I like to participate in mindfulness discussions here weekly as well as the sharing circle here in 7cups. Honestly, being here has made me feel a lot less lonely for the past month. So, as I’ve mentioned before somewhere throughout the forums, I’m truly grateful to be back here and giving this platform another chance. This platform has been my haven during my recovery journey. So, while I was continuing this routine everyday as a way to keep myself in check with the help of support groups, self-care apps and prayer journaling, something came across my mind which led to this thread (clickable) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipFriendshipSupport_66/Friendships_256/WillingToMakeAmendsMyFriendshipBreakupPt2_303117/]. To briefly explain, I realized that I wanted to make amends to my former friend for the wrongdoing I did when I was in crisis last month (March). This was around the second week of April, and it’s a good thing I’ve talked about it with my partner and my listener too before acting on it, because it was clouding my mind for awhile and I couldn’t seem to distract myself away from it. I felt like it was something that I must do, but I felt quite better when I let it all out to them. At that time, I knew I wasn’t ready. So, I was holding it off for a while until around the third week of April. One of those days, I was experiencing another setback and felt depressed again, then later I found the courage to start writing a letter (as suggested by my partner) to make amends to my former friend for the first time. I also conveyed my feelings regarding their actions in response to my crisis that day. My only intention in the letter was to make amends, not seek a renewal of their friendship. I honestly felt it was unfair that they left without saying anything. So, in order to not give them any more opportunities to hurt me further, I plan to email my letter to them via anonymous emailer. At least this way, I won’t have to be anxious or stressed to know that they might reply or block my personal email. That’s my plan so far. As of this writing, I haven’t sent the letter yet. But every time I checked on it for revisions or add-ons, I can sense the heavy feelings I’ve poured onto that letter. Not only I’m willing to make amends to them, but I’m also saying goodbye. This part of my journey has yet to be continued… I’ve also shared previously that my mother agreed to help me seek out an online therapist this year. Apparently, that’s on hold for now, as I’ve recently found an idea to check out at a local psychological center in my home country that I can visit in person. I figured it would be a better opportunity to find help in person since I’m already visiting my home country this June. My mother became supportive of that, which made me feel better, so I’ve planned to get a psych evaluation there so that I know what actual steps I need to take to help with my recovery. During the last week of April, I’ve sent an email to them for inquiry. 2 days later, I’ve sent another email because I felt a bit impatient and also anxious. But then a day after, my partner chatted me that he received their phone call earlier in his morning. I gave my partner’s phone number in the email since he agreed to speak on my behalf over there to make the communication easier. According to him, they’ll send me an evaluation form first to get a better understanding of my situation, then once I visit the psych center in person, they’ll be able to give me a session. I was very glad that they finally responded, and according to my partner, the person he talked to on the phone seemed like a nice person. But knowing all of this now has honestly made me more anxious because this is my first time seeking professional help. I never had any professional help with my mental health before, so I really hope this works out well for me once I visit there. So the day after, I received the forms via email, so I’m going to start filling them out as soon as possible. Anyway, I shouldn't worry too much about that now. I still have about a month left before my trip. It’s been 4 years since I’ve last seen my partner in person, as well as my father and sister, and even my other family members that I’ve been acquainted with. I’m also planning to meet up with another best friend of mine, who I haven’t opened to yet about my crisis and everything since then. I thought it’d be better to tell her in person once I get to see her. I guess that’s all I have for this month... Oh wait! I also tried out hosting in the Sharing Circle for the first time! I spent at least a week prior participating in the sharing circle and listening to other people’s stories. I've also have been sharing my experiences there as well. I've got to meet so many lovely people there! So I felt inspired to host a meeting if ever there was a chance. However, I chose a bad time to drink coffee on that day because my mind was racing a lot of feelings the moment I volunteered to host and I felt a bit jittery during the whole session 😂. But it all went well! I still felt good trying out something new! Anyway, as I continue to reflect on this month, I’ve been wondering what I should be doing throughout May, besides continuing to attend my support groups and use my other recovery tools. I don’t want to focus on seeking out opportunities regarding work or courses yet since the trip’s been set on schedule. And it continues to have me filled with both nervousness and excitement as the departure date keeps drawing near. So, I want to deal with that trip first. In the meantime, I so far know that I'll mostly be using the time to continue focusing on my mental health first and other important errands I might have to tend to. I’m just glad I was able to make new friends here in 7cups. I've also received so many supportive and kind words from many people as I continued to share my experiences here in the forums and in the group chats. But most importantly, I'm happy that this place makes me fully realize that I'm not alone. ------------------------- For the past few weeks, regarding how my recovery has affected my life so far, I’ve actually felt calmer when taking care of my mother as well as doing other chores around the house. My sleeping schedule still needs improvement though, since there are days where I did not sleep the whole night or sleeping longer than usual. I’ve also been eating regularly which is good. And I’ve been watching movies I never got to watch thanks to some free streaming apps that are available. But I also got to re-watch some good ones that help resonate with what I’m going through. However, there are still days where I started to overthink again or replay some of the terrible memories from my crisis. But coming onto the support groups and mindfulness discussions really helped relieve me from this pain every day for a certain amount of time. If I miss out one day, those negative thoughts and trauma might just start coming back. So, I feel like I’m just keeping them at bay. Hopefully I'll be able to fully overcome it in the future. Could be soon or far from now. We'll see. Anyway, I’m also starting to think of newer goals than the old ones I had. Or maybe I'm just revamping them. I guess I felt like I needed a change for once. At least just for myself. ------------------------- If you made this far in reading my journal thread, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my experience and my progress of my recovery journey. For this month of April, I’m grateful for my faith in God, my partner, my family, my friends that I still have, online friends, new friends, my selfcare apps, support groups, living through everyday for a whole month, and most of all, being here with you all here in 7cups! (❁´◡`❁) (Just realized it’s been a month since I’ve returned here. Yay!) To conclude this journal thread, I’ve listed down all the following threads that I’ve made within this month of April that is related to my recovery journey! (April 04) I almost attempted again. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/DepressionSupport_52/General_2427/Ialmostattemptedagain_302354/] (April 10) Mar-Apr 2023 Reflection [https://www.7cups.com/forum/JournalsDiaries_219/General_2520/MarApr2023Reflection_302837/] (April 14) Willing To Make Amends (My Friendship Breakup Pt. 2) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipFriendshipSupport_66/Friendships_256/WillingToMakeAmendsMyFriendshipBreakupPt2_303117/] (April 17) Bird Alone [https://www.7cups.com/forum/HobbyZone_125/Gaming_985/BirdAlone_303320/] I also am continuously updating my One Line A Day thread [https://www.7cups.com/forum/JournalsDiaries_219/OneLineADay_2524/compassionateOak202sOneLineADayThread_302030/]! Thank you so much again for reading! See you in my next entry. ~ Oak (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ~ woooossshh

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