The hypothetical equivalent to a journal from the old journal section

"Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-there--I always suspected that I was actually it's the way things happen in life that's unreal. The movies make emotions look so strong and real, whereas when things really do happen to you, it's like watching television--you don't feel anything. Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television. The channels switch, but it's all television."-Andy Warhol

...-_-...

now need to apply super glue to the wireless blue headphones and not only the older and more used one.

gj: this has been a meaningful week, I got through a particularly strenuous work chore before my shift ended and new lockers are actually expected

-gj: Hate watched the red band trailer for 'No hard feelings'.

Also uncomfortable dolt who bumped into me before I got off the bus ,w/them proceeding to the front and arguing with someone about not exiting than and there and continuing an argument about going to a party. Bandaged hand makes me think they'd be in no position for acting on aggression beyond cliche inner city chest-puffing antics.

What precious memory of karaoke remains with me, taught me how my (untrained, underdeveloped) breathy, inflection lacking voice might make me suited for songs which I can imagine Billy Joe Armstrong doing even outside of Green day or old 80's British New Wave stuff of a more synthpop persuasion (so no Simon Le Bon and Duran Duran all that much).

7661736563746f6d79*

Having at least made an account and browsed on a fairly popular dating website before making it inactive (but not deleting the account), the limits of ppl present nearby made me think sharply to my chagrin I think to myself how much of ppl being local to you are even present on a dating site is dependent so much on what choice they make for picking a platform which others are hypothetically aware of as well.

Which painfully makes it seem that it is all the more likely that the markedly nsfw kind or niche kind (in terms of interest --say a hobby or in my case ones highlighting for autistics or neurodivergents) are going to be fairly scammy.

=_= I swear it ought to be taught as part of good internet ettiquette to always deleting a dating account less a 1 and a 1/2 after you know you're no longer engaged.

In case of not clicking with anyone, I'm glad I'm more the sort now who has plans

There's a curious trend when it comes to maternal side family members of opting to make your middle name your more commonly used name. Two of my aunts, maybe one of my uncles and (unintentionally and to her chagrin) my own mother -- it's happened to them.

You know when I fantasize on how I could done things differently and thrive differently if I'd known and believed the things I do now as a prepubescent (not only about the nature and presence of kyriarchies and late capitalism but how my experiences are valid and everyone's experience is valid..the intrapersonally significant stuff) it goes with the conviction that my younger self would take heed and follow through.

** If I was emotionally misguided and underdeveloped as I was at 12 and put into a 7th grade class again with just an much lack of enlightenment as the last time, I sigh and cringe to think how screwed over I'd be by bullying and that shlock again even if there might be an advantageous wildcard element of internet social expression being a far sharper and relevant tool than it was back in ~'04 for my fiercely introverted hide to use. **

** `_` this part I say to better put myself in the shoes of today's contemporary tween and younger crowds ** "to remind myself that"--In the end ;I , Linkin park

since my repulsion at having to undergo the same f--g vulnerabilities and insecurities all over again with that same kind of developmental ignorance is such that the imaginings which I let myself be carried away with will almost not 'look over it's shoulder' to see and think on how a less developmentally based ignorance diminished variant of myself would fare.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArasEbdRi3o&pp=ygUfamogbWNjdWxsb3VnaCBkb250IGJlIGxpa2UgamFjaw%3D%3D

6:48-

bueno

que son ninos

7:18+

8:01-8:17

8:17+

que necesita estan con los que son un poco mayor

|| 10:28+ los mayores interesan en los jovenes

~11:22 befriend and mentor\\12:30+

[este fue mi parte favorita]

11:55+

8:48+

simbolismo falso

9:24+

fallado por la cultura

9:58+

nino cerca por los trens

In being honest to my about possibly coming off as attractive to woman, I've considered this..

would a female Hispanic swimsuit Instagramer model type really choose me over someone who at least looks like something of a male equivalent, a Caucasian male equivalent, solely since we have an overlapping background and language abilities ?.

Don't judge others for hypergamy, please. It's almost pointless.

Is it just me or does in hindsight Deborah Ann Harry during her prime days with Blondie look like Elisha Cuthbert when she was in her 20's ?.

The weather could be better if more mild but as of right now I 'like the vibe', the levels of light most esp. I've got going on here with my laptop on a mini table while I'm sitting on my couch but the level of light even at this time of day is sso pleasant.

Photography is painting with light in one sense. Maybe the whole 'clocks 1 hour ahead' thing which occurred over the weekend helped for this to happen.

My brother saying 'go to Japan..it'll change you life' he did coming back from a trip spent in part in Tokyo, upset me in a sense as I don't think he understands or accepts how mainly unfond I am of travelling. I am thankful for what gifts he gave me and hearing me out on my speculation regarding apartment residents.

Work was great as I got through a box of chores.

9-8-1997 to 3-23-2023

417368204b65746368756d

-Gj: not having exercised as I would've desired, my blender still being bunk , Gj: having had a richly meaningful day to the start of my week

Why do some of the most important things which could be said to you have to come from ppl with such unpleasant demeanours ?. I don't only mean family but also functional strangers (which can include teachers imo).

https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/11vxwa9/meirl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 and it p.o.’s me to no avail that ‘speaking of it as it the 60’s being spoken of during the 90’s’ will apply to the surviving ridicule-some a—holes remembering me in pre-Obama era terms once were deep into the 2030’s -_- >_< =_=

Gj: the freedom to not go into excruciating detail as to what made this week great

-Gj: the heavier parts of this week the freedom to not go into excruciating detail regarding that

Losing a pupusa, some food to mild.

to m*o*ld

As variable as the history of 'channel awesome' participants is I appreciated the music teacher et al Daren Jackson's takes as 'Rap critic'..I stuck with him even sometime as no longer following music trends and as likeable as he is, his consistent frustration with each new-ish song he analyzed made me think ~'this genre isn't for me anymore and unfortunately I don't have much more reason to continue to watch this fellow as well'.

"The history of is to a great extent that of a certain clash of human temperaments. Of whatever temperament a professional philosopher is, he tries when philosophizing to sink the fact of his temperment. It loads the evidence for him one way or the other. Making for a more sentimental or a more hard-hearted view of the universe...he trusts his temperament. Wanting a universe that suits it, he believes in any representation of the universe that does. "-William James

'The history of [philosophy], is to a great extent'..

Gj: This week and the days ahead , `Gj: possible outcomes of dental appointment tomorrow, the casual misogyny from clips I saw of 'Metalpocalyse' ,most of my Amazon gift card being used up

:/ Interesting is the attempt of how on this one street eastward, are so many stores which imo are qualifiably flea markets if not pawn shops which try to rebrand themselves as stores for antiques and/or collectibles

I went there again meaning to sell comic books and other media related things and I found out how despite the vibes that reminds me of a certain Salvation army store froomm a llooong time ago in my prepubescent years they don't buy items from ppl. The place is three storeys and has a vibe of a flea market and cluttered storage like areas (an attic, basement, garage etc) so the messiness doesn't take away too much. The one in my memory was kind of like that but with concrete or cement flooring and grey pillars really giving a vibe almost akin to a parking garage building.

There's one building I know of going from east to central in the city with had a sign saying how they 'grade' comic books on Saturdays. `_` I recently read some rrreally iffy things about how the owner is both surly and actually insists that ppl not wear masks..

'~' It's not worth it to make such an effort to go out and try to sell some comics whence I've these things on my mind

--a call back from a university regarding an arrangement

--still need to call a mental health service place and see if they have any naturopaths specifically on staff

--await response about not included og Wii motion sensor

--await compatible GC controllers

--build Gundam before work break week "=_= >:I

I'll await a response back from one other place which might buy what I've to sell and if not I'm fine with donating what comics were gifted to me by a coworker to a thrift store or such.

It's more about clearing space at this point :I

The track record regarding my self-care for this tinnitus like factor I've had since around late last March..

..late last March or in April, I had an appointment with a physician who referred me to a (honestly not too helpful) specialist in a semi-related town/city who than gave me suggestions as to who to see, which made me ask my dental office who had a staff member who listed suggestions to me before I thankfully came across a practionioner whose service whilst unfortunately not covered by OHIP is an instructor at the university where one of her clinic like buildings is set

..that was helpful and made me a believer in exercise's impact as being part and parcel with physiotherapy and whilst we arrived at a ~'diagnosis by exclusion' I believe it was called ?, at relieving what was counted as a very mild kind of TMJ dysfunction with some prescribed exercises, the left ear based droning persisted

-- I did some counseling around that time regarding elements of sex addiction past during that time

--I stopped following with those exercises some ~2 weeks after the last mid November-ish appointment w/the physiotherapist, what with the countdown for year end doings distracting me..

--I finally chat with the physician again for 'update purposes' a bit after new year's

-- =_= I don't do the nasal salt spray thing since I was so caught on with the ventings I was doing in counseling and I thought that setting the spray up would be complicated

(it flippin isn't -- take what's basically a small-ish plastic water bottle with a specifically designed nozzle put some warm water and a special medicinal use salt package in there to dissolve and then spray it up your nose, that was it the whole time =_= )

--tbh I've only used it a few times..not only is it as unappealing a chore to do like teeth brushing can be but goodness help you if in the interest of using not letting the previously used water and salt combo go to waste (b/c better that than unpacking another package of those ever limited salt packages, right ?) you use it the day after or such and that salted water going up your nose is fudging frigid cold >~< !

... -_- not too sure about when I'll use it again

..after the last early Feb appointment with the one counselor about sex addiction elements, I sought an appointment with an another who encouraged me to seek someone with a naturopath bkgrnd if it's exercise based worries I have (tbh I'm worrying about possible said naturopath based person being for lack of a better word 'hippy dippy' since it's considered a kind of alternative medicine)

...here I am today with the worries of when I'd be able to actually try to date, get things (including a budget down) ready but also with the worries of what I listed down before..

*

These chores make it that anyone who pretends as if 4+ hrs spent outside of work can never be usefully spent* is an exploiter cliche of the sort of which I was glad to be away from and not miss during the earlier lockdown phases of the pandemic, d--n it !

* take grooming and I mean * thorough full body * grooming for a possible date which you know might go somewhere non-Platonically for instance..I d--n well don't really blame anyone with a presence of body hair for taking ~4 hours to really get a thorough body hair displacement set and taking that long

--Also possible phone battery inquiry appointment arrangement -_-

Upon seeing a naturopath..

tell them what it'd mean to have exercises prescribed if I already do 140+ minutes per week,

" " which I might well be inflexible in changing b/c of an 'addiction' or fixation to persisting in that as I have for years on end about now.

If it'll be at the Burlington place I'm leaning for requesting an after 5 virtual appointment since I don't like the hassle of ~+1 hr of a bus ride into predominantly unknown territory for a few words of advice at a place I don't fancy going to consistently and not just b/c of the price.

this has been one h--l of a day but I lack both ordinary pliers or the better suited crafts pliers to work on the Gunpla kit.

Thankfully I know the discount store to get them from.

The dazzlingly pixelated artistry of stuff like this Classic Zelda meets Bloodborne in this impressive pixel art RPG coming next month (msn.com) fascinates me almost enough to opt for PC gaming and exploring the ~15+ history of indie games after ~+'07 and overcome even more my long embedded notion of only looking at the cutting-edge polygonal graphic and high production value console based scene.

I’m interested in the science behind hiccups since I personally don’t even remember the last time I had hiccups.

Self-loathing incoming since pornography use however brief..

Phone bill on my mind now x_x >_<

Correction internet bill

When I transferred to the second high school I was most relieved by how much less harassment fueling or (as) stuck up the teachers were but the ‘apathy coming off as snobbiness’ of one chemistry teacher was off-putting and reminded me of the previous pit I attended.

-gj: spilled carrot juice and oats mix, 1/2 yogurt dips going bad