The hypothetical equivalent to a journal from the old journal section

Making gijinka versions of a crowd of animals in shelters, being experimented upon or in a slaughterhouse will make you very sad.

@Archiver0

When it comes to 'prospective big purchases' something I have in mind is a modded Wii console with a library of either Gamecube or N64 titles. I have this in mind, esp. the former since I made the mistake of establishing an online connection while plugged into the Gamecube title holding drive not knowing that it'd wipe out everything I had on it >_< .

=_= >_< .......................................ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuu........on the ~14th at a bit past 8, the game console I ordered arrived apparently at my old residence.

I await word from my siblings come morning as to whether my package arrived or not...I don't think the Etsy fellow is keen on refunds =_= ._. ...f---g hate the idea of losing that much..package deliveries to apartments are such a pain in the a-- to arrange.

I had to call my brother here to help me with console installation and we lack a Wii motion sensor or a GC controller which might substitute for it but everything is there as far as apparent software.

=_= Remorse is how he showed me this hours before he arrived here Retroid Pocket 3+ Review: All This For $150! - YouTube . `_` =~= *sigh* and I actually prefer handhelds !. I want to worry about rationalizing to myself why using a TV is better (bigger screen sure, not only for games but for laptop to HDMI connection.. =~= >~< always that imagined worry of the TV tipping over though !) -- speaking as someone whose interest in games doesn't go beyond ~'the 7th console generation ?' (i.e. nothing after the PS3,Xbox360 and og Wii ), emulator culture fascinates me whence it comes to entertainment venues even if I can understand it's struggles with legal grey areas of copyright and such.

._. *sigh* Busy week with a mind on a street named after the national capital where GC controllers can be found at none too pricely a price apparently..__

If it weren't for my brother I wonder if there are ppl on say Taskrabbit who can do game console installation stuff ?

PC and computer based gaming..prepubescent me would barely have thought much of it even if my earliest gaming memories were of Captain Claw, a PC porting of MKIII and a platformer with a magenta alien vaguely looking like the one from 'Katie and Orbie'..but I definitely started to realize around the turn of last decade how it was evolving not only b/c of online gaming but b/c indie gaming was actually becoming way more viable and competent not the least b/c of the developments in making mobile devices more competent gaming platforms even if still a secondary intention of devices and look at with skepticism. Undertale was a definitely a demonstrable success story to come out of it and the appeal of it all to me it keeps how pre-polygon graphic gaming alive which is my jam.

I feel think that it was around that time, that ppl started realize how tiresome and trite lurid big budget and graphics games could be (which fueled the way the industry approaches making AAA titles) among other issues like how the attitudes in gaming were oh so much of a 'boys club' and to me even though technologically speaking graphics definitely marched on, I personally lose most interest in not x-bit graphic games since around this time they start seeming less creative.. `_` but again, it's not lost on me how the whimsy wasn't lost when you look at the indie game scene and what Steam can offer in contrast to say only an Apple app store.

That being said it's not like I should be in any rush to get into contemporary PC gaming*1 when what emulator consoles I have are already highly overwhelming high-end toys that I can barely see myself having enough time to relish until after I retire. I also like how Steam can offer a few Ps1 era titles like Chrono Cross but I can only imagine what kind of high end computer @~@ >_< is entailed to consistently handle it well.

`_` =_= Visual novels do fascinate me (at the least the 'Radical dreamers' one sure does) and I love the '3-D backgrounds with quasi-pixelated sprites' shtick which I saw in the trailer for Octopass which previously I'd only really associated with the older Paper Mario games.

I'd welcome a demake*2 of Chrono Cross with open arms more than another updated version since not only might it be a compromise to the cognitive dissonance a fair amount of ppl apparently have in accepting it as a sequel to Chrono Trigger but b/c it'd be visually appealing in it's own way in a way less costly than 'going the opposite end' with an ~unreal engine 5' remake (Opassa Beach 2.0 - Chrono Cross - Unreal Engine 5 - YouTube) which while I'd fancy as looking friggin gorgeous would seem kind of empty or unneccesary when you consider how the recent Switch version barely added that much to what was already there even if things were visually polished and glowed up somewhat.

*2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L-rDDGpYs0

* for those of us who are into the old stuff though.. ;I Classic PC Games : Free Software : Free Download, Borrow and Streaming : Internet Archive

That it (Chrono Chross) would feel less intimidatingly exalted as pre-polygon era demake would make more comfortable since goodness knows how JRPGs are heavy commitments/investments :/

around some future time pixel art,

not sprite animation per se but pixel art in the way of landscapes..

pixel art, lego versions, anime or manga versions, Claymation --things I can request from Midjourney

The dated Crying Freeman manga has that nice overlap btw what to me is an archetypically seinen artstyle while still giving that vintage movie poster vibe in it's colored cover art.

"Working out is modern couture. No outfit is going to make you look or feel as good as having a fit body.Buy less clothes and go to the gym instead"--Rick Owens

-___- *sigh* How looking like a fitness model and keeping it is a f--g luxury/status symbol..the criticisms write themselves and maybe b/c of that I'll comment later if at all.

Last week I only did 1/2 as much exercise as I'd otherwise would do since I was gradually feeling unwell and this week I doubt I'll do any. That's something I haven't done in a very long time and it worries me.

For maybe the 3rd time in my life I'm at a point where I'm starting to reconsider what exercise means to me ._. ..my validation will come when my waitlist time to see a fitness trainer comes to an end but that might not be for a few more months, I worry when I think to myself of the remorselessly surly and evidently 'over the hill' in age and health ppl in this city, I think to myself how it's all the more a petty defense mechanism when you can't keep up with (if worst comes to worse) physical fighting.

I've experienced two failed muggings in my life thus far both in instances which were years after my current exercise fixation started originally from a cringey martial arts fixation where I thought I could one up a former powerlifting friend of my sister

..so..as hard as it is for me to say..one reason for my fixation has usually been 'to be in form' for things turning into assault..even if not actual martial arts which I dropped when I started feel aggro and projecting it onto family than staying in form with yoga and it's benefits for the back etc..

Worries about withdrawal syndromes from exercise addiction, you might say

There's a reason why next counseling session I'm expecting to focus on fitness anxiety..

When it comes to the recent 'struggles of adulting' aside from the whole deeply psychological factor of needing to adjust to a more 'cozy' meant for 1 person (in contrast to 2 person) by design, design of my apartment, it's come with an anxiety as to how to continue exercersing.

Since my habit began ~'11 I've always been privleged to aside from the rooms, to exercise in the ample family living room with a big enough screen TV playing videos for me to follow with. When having moved in, during the summer, even after how it took a bit for internet to arrive, with adjusting to the space limitations came a drastically altered living room spacing situation.

Part of this was resolved with eventually swapping tables but I finally ceded to the need for a gym membership even if it was at odds with my frugality and that helps, but it's still a f--g pain of a hassle to logistically arrive at b/c of Canadian winter, of which there are still (at least chronologically speaking) several weeks remaining of. It and the despair of a promptly arriving sunset.

*sigh*..=_= >:I ..this is one reason I distrust those who are showy about their fitness like certain YouTubers..lets see those scoundrels still commit to their regimens with no gym and the limited sunlight of northern regions.

I'm telling myself currently it's one reason I'm still at my parents. Last week I only went back to my apartment to get a melon, toothpaste and a COVID testing kit, went back on the Thursday evening to thoughout clean the place but decided to stay since Saturday evening w/my parents when upon returning after the banal drag of busing for a few simple cleaning supplies, I got a message from my sister suggesting I stay over to dog-sit originally but eventually decided to stay overnight again b/c I find it nearly pointless to hassle-fully arrange to drop me off again at night when I know that I'm going to be up watching YouTube (as I would here) well into past midnight before dozing off and waking to struggle on deciding where to exercise.

At my parent's it's fine, it's great to be here since there is usually enough time for me to exercise in front of the TV w/the various areas of space.

My worry is that of the mostly overaged, shoddy scoundrels who occupy my floor judging me for not being around* esp. when it's more indicative like when I left Saturday evening with a hefty trolley, through the fudging icy and snowladen sidewalks. One hefty enough, that upon getting to my parents my left knee and inner pelvic-thigh area felt sore.

* I d--n well time when I step out of my unit to avoid them and unfortunately my somewhat rough right door neighbour stepped out of his unit to talk to the 'two doors down and on the other side one' which is probably among the top 5 of those who I feel the most reservation for on that floor.

___

Glad for no pornography use today. Glad for no pornography use today, I guess.

Would I like to talk about the Wandering sword demo ?.

If I was the praying sort, I'd find occasion to be praying for something as glib as that known of the other 4th floor residents be out in the hallways commenting on me, asking me or asking "Hey buddy !, where the h--l were you ?' in the passive-aggressive but societally accepted as 'candidly warm and welcoming' kind of way which I eschew and am unfond of.

=_= and then I imagine arguing w/them about how they think I shouldn't be living here if I'm not around here that often..

>:I Nuts, to them, a fair amount of them don't even work on account of age

..whoever's the mod or UI designer on here truly ought to give an option to be able to edit postings for add ons plus typo and grammar corrections etc

Simply put, I’m not fond of crossing paths with anyone in the apartment hallway as I almost did with my right door neighbour while going down a few steps to two doors down on the opposite side.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/116zb2o/how_to_overcome_a_craving_for_attention/

An insidious rise to a loss of humility is when you feel that you live in such a bonkers surrounding that you are the only one with any benign sensibility, and you gradually think yourself better than others in that sense even though a part of your realizes, you are still very much fraud. It’s just that everything else everyone else seems worse.

It's ..tempting on one level..

if the recreational money I've planned for a modded console were to go to something like this instead..it's an unappealing spending idea esp. when you factor CAN to US dollar conversions..

https://qoves.com/services/#buy

I admire the QOVES studio channel ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnlvhYDQLq4d_C3JYEVnWAQ ) for being so astonishingly technical and detailed in a way beneficial to an artist or cosmetic surgeon..it goes well beyond pre-adult age harassing b--ds dismissing one as ugly not the least b/c 'it grounds' a topic as seemingly esoteric, as sought after but so often rarely well-described as human facial beauty..

but that facial analysis service and the sames of the different levels of it '_' =_= ..

https://cdn.qoves.com/V2/Sample-FINAL-Preliminary-Report-V3.pdf , https://cdn.qoves.com/V2/Sample-FINAL-Tertiary-Report-V3.pdf , https://cdn.qoves.com/V2/Sample-FINAL-Comprehensive-Report-V3.pdf

`_` '-' d I can d--n well believe that this is a company which assists and consults with ppl who are seriously considering cosmetic surgery and not just 'glow ups' and stylizing. I barely understood the preliminary reports and I'd think that, that would be the threshold of the understanding of most ppl including say portrait artists.

>_< '_' When you get to the 'comprehensive' report..the details about facial structure, they go wwwwayyyy beyond the detail some a--hole ridicule-some prepubescent would state, eh ?.

Got home, stuffed buggy with laundry and all and no one judged me all the while. Nor on the frenetic fuss to get all my needed laundry done. What's left for upon the morn, is to wake, sweep, make my bed plus put away a few things before ideally ? and in no particularly order donate a pair of pants, attain forgotten frozen broccoli soup, attain mail meant for me but still directed to rest of family and maybe walk with a dog. Also return the physical library books.

...'planet of the apes' marathon sans the 2010's trilogy if I do a free trial of 'Disney+' ?. That franchise is owned by Fox..Foxcatcher might be on Hulu. No rush anyhow on that.

I cut my arrangement of sending a dollar to one of my siblings for every pornography related lapse until April fool's day short. Formally counselling next Wednesday.

My motivation drops with the sunset which is why I prefer summer--the beginning of a 'not too intense' storm outdoors begins.

What with the presence of Hulu stuff, I think I might consider a Disney+ subscription for at least a few weeks after a free trial since I've Foxcatcher, Planet of the apes stuff (a Fox franchise) on my mind among other things.

More than social, behavioral, cognitive or non-secular oriented psychology I truly feel a wanting to commit to studying sports psychology since a part of me wants to make sense, make sense even by analogy of what inner demons there are in me in the form of impulses of competitiveness. F--k the elitism and 'action is more important than words' elitism of the meatheads.

Fitness assessment today. What lays in store ?.

Even those of us enter the age demographic who are expectant to have children yet for whatever reason don’t have a right to speak of cutsie prepubescent oriented media they are charmed by.

At the moment, I don’t know how to elaborate on this but ever since knowing of the character a few years before the 10’s I remember the character design around those years for ‘Strawberry shortcake’ to be endearing and ‘cute’ — this coming from someone who isn’t too fond of desserts. That design and the character overall soothes me like Alan Moore and Little Lulu *1 and even though there might’ve been a meanly intended satirizing of her and the IP from the one ‘Fairly odd parents’ special

( https://youtu.be/bKD0zFCCPKo —particularly with what happens to the dog facsimile :( )

I even found those spoof expy characters charming. I feel the same way about Rainbow brite and Punky Brewster even though both were more around scantly before my birth, library kid section comic books make them present— I’m aware of what harassing Soleil Moon Frye suffered upon hitting puberty even though I probably only really knew her as a roommate of post high school Melissa Joan Hart ‘Sabrina’.

“^_^ I don’t have as much an issue w/parodies of Sesame Street or the Care Bears (both of which I grew up with and liked). You might even say that adult swim’s ‘Smiling friends’ is a warped 2020’s spin on the Care bear premise somewhat.

*1

https://youtube.com/shorts/DC_uRL8V2CY?feature=share

To be precise it was the '02-'03 Strawberry shortcake take that I was charmed by and I remember that since it had to be scantly before high school.

Back calves still tender after the running portion of the fitness assessment for which I finally have a better notion as to how to better use a treadmill.

Budgie drag to have yet another reason to wake earlier than I'd prefer in order to seek out iPhone battery repair options on the morrow.

-_- *sigh* If I know that irregardless of a course of action being offered or proposed for my iPhone 8 battery will not be enacted upon anyhow even if I do learn of these tomorrow might it be better to merely wait to look into phone battery repair possibilities upon my vay-kay time, late next month ?.

It'd make a lot of sense and be cool to see Fire emblem characters in Nintendo exclusives of Soulcalibur stuff rather than only the Smash series.

Morbidly amusing how understanding the range of Marth’s reactions here means investing yourself in Fire emblem lore to understand where incest might be going on: https://youtu.be/8x-8GImUmaU

While I’m gracious to say how I’ve never qualifiably had such experiences beyond a certain ‘ toddler age precocious experience’ , I do regret how when it comes to stuff which went out with the deletion and overhaul of old community college course stuff, their was a part in an anthropology class I took where the instructor actually spent most of the class explaining anthropological takes on the seeming near universal incest taboo which I really wish I had.. ._. b/c access to old notes on hand is less likely to lead to as much of a distraction riddled rabbit hole dive as say a google lookup, not that I’m not fond of Wikipedia or tvtropes for that matter as a starting point.

Considering Murdoc's cultist like antics, I could see a Gorillaz and Hellboy crossover in comic books and think the virtual band wouldn't be too at odds with the typical Mike Mignola like style ; personally I remember hearing news of the character cross-overing with the anti-supernatural patrol group of dogs from Beasts of burden (I liked that series). I wonder how that went ?.

How I proceed with life unpunished somehow with my living space going to ruin and presumably not being too screwed over at work after a long but ‘unenthusiastic’ exposure to pornography is beyond me..

I think to myself how long I would make it into a date before the person would be weirded out or off-put by mention of not being able to drive or functional friendlessness/preferred asociality.

We all know what to do after struggling ceases but few are allowed to go beyond the typically despairing kinds of monotony.

My brother might overwhelm me with gifts I feel unworthy for from his trips whence I visit next.

__

It means much to me to now know how a certain surgery a sibling had ~15 yrs ago was for a tumour removal of a sort.

That I didn't climax nor tried to while binging on pornography with much the same mood makes a difference to me.

That didn't repeat this time since I'd like to think I was sated enough for the week.

The discouragements of being kept busy by what banalities of adulting I've to attend to are such that I'm discouraged from the old thought of applying to have a garden plot in a community garden area somewhere.

Does anyone else ever think about when is it better to treat an addiction more as a self-harm issue than an impulse control one ?.

Watching Bennet White's video essay on Death note, rain continues outside with lightning..the emotional places where post-fixation paranoia directs you're entertaining of representational states of thought without committing to their truth value* can take you.

`_`

*imagination as the normies call it

And we wonder how come asexual orientations or proclivities can't really abide in a world full of constructs so f---g painful for the natural selection it wants to see

Proper counseling appointment privilege, early Wednesday. Opting for a break week before the symbolic for me May 10th date.

Gj: realizing , -Gj:..