Rants

Thank you, Maria. I will reply to your rant too as soon as I can.

Okay so I guess I’ll start from the beginning

There’s this girl and she means a lot to me

We’ve been friends since October

Exactly two weeks ago I made a joke and I was just goofing around but she was creeped out and said I can be stalkerish and obsessive sometimes and it’s weirding her out

I said sorry I apologized a bunch

This was all over text

I had a massive panic attack when this happened I was sobbing and shaking and couldn’t breathe and couldn’t talk without stuttering and I was dizzy and it was really scary and miserable

I gave her space and we talked super briefly and casually last Monday (not this Monday) and then I tried to talk to talk to her but she was distracted by her 11th grade friends so I said goodbye and left and then last Thursday I messaged her and said “Hiiii” “How come you weren’t at school today?” And she read it and never replied and it’s been two weeks since the initial incident happened and I’ve heard nothing from her

She’s so funny and smart and kind and pretty

She was one of my best friends from high school

There was her, Kalia, and one other friend who I was closest with but she was the one I saw the most often and she was the reason I wanted to come to school every day

I told my friends what happened and they told me to give her space which is super duper hard but I’ve been giving her space for the past two weeks basically and I don’t know what to do without her

I need her in my life she means so much to me I worked this entire school year to become her friend and then I messed up and now she’s just gone

And she’s perfectly fine without me she has so many friends she doesn’t need me she’s fine without me I don’t matter

Oh and that’s not all either smh

Yesterday in GSA

I shared a beautiful poem about kindness

Nobody cared

Because the only people in GSA are my ex-friendgroup and my friend’s 11th-grade friends

They’re all so close with each other

And I don’t belong in either of them

Neither groups want me

I was proud of the poem I wrote I memorized it and expressed it with passion

Nobody cared

They just ignored me after I was done and started talking about theater while I was awkwardly standing there

I’m like a bird

All the other birds in GSA have branches to land on

And I’m just flying around aimlessly trying to land on their branches but when I try they push me off

I don’t belong.

@Fluffysheep8 Aww fluffy :( I'm sorry this is happening to you. It seems like you're a very kind person who cares a lot about the people around you :'(. And the particular girl you mentioned. I'm sorry she's not able to see and appreciate your love and care for her. That's really unfair :/. I see how this is a challenging time for you and it really makes sense because you must be confused and don't know what's going to happen after all these stuff. What the girl did by leaving you on read was totally disrespectful and I see how that added up to the confusion. High school social lives sound really tough. I can see how all that drama can overwhelm you. I want you to know that you're amazing and to remember being yourself, and never stop doing that - no matter what others think of you. Even if they think you're weird, or they don't care about you - you're definitely not weird. If they can't see your value they're not worth your attention. I'm sure there are a lot of people who love and appreciate you for who you are, including me. I see how school social dramas can make you question whether you're good and likable enough. Remember to focus on the good people around you. I hope everything goes okay with the girl you mentioned. Btw I'm so proud of you for writing that poem, I'm sure it is so beautiful. Even if others didn't seem to care about it, I do. I love you bestiee <3

@mariainfj

Oh my goodness, thank you so much, I appreciate you so much :')

How are you doing? :')

Love you bestie :')

@Fluffysheep8 I'm doing great bestiee what about you? :')

@mariainfj

I posted life updates here hehehe

https://www.7cups.com/forum/generalsupport/DiaryEntries_1597/Themeadowofafluffysheep_284012/?post=3290127

@mariainfj :')