Just trying to let this go…
I seem to have the uncanny knack to say & do things the wrong way…the things you shouldn’t say/do, I do. I’m tired of it but I can’t seem to stop myself, or I realize what I’ve done after the fact. Recently, I invited my boyfriend over for a family dinner, & he doesn’t like the type of meat we’re having, so I offered to make a different thing for him specifically, & my dad got mad about it. It didn’t help that he had a few drinks. Long story short, my boyfriend & I made other plans. Now my dad, in a different mood, is asking how he wanted to do the chicken, & I told him that we made other plans because he had gotten upset about it. Now he’s upset again because we made other plans…& now I feel like I can’t win either way, because he got mad on both ends of this, &I feel like I hurt my boyfriend because I was honest with him about it (which he knows some stuff about my dad already), & I feel like I can’t ever have my boyfriend over again because of this. I actually have a good guy, & I’ve managed to *** it up on all fronts. Now, I’m down in the dumps, feeling hopeless, depressed, stressed, & all this bad feelings because this happened…one misstep has me completely jumping down the rabbit hole & going down that road. Today is my nephews birthday, we’re having dinner at my sisters house, & now, I’m scared to go! My nephews are my world. I don’t want to go because I’m scared…I’m scared my dad will say something, or will tell everyone else & say that I’m nothing but a ***-up & everyone will look at me differently, & make fun of me…so why go? Why put myself through this? What they say & do is nowhere near what is going on in my mind…I know I’m still here for a certain few people, but it’s at times like this, I feel like they all would be better off without me…
@DarkFairy0316
did you try talking to both your dad and your boyfriend seperately to reach a common ground. even if you **** it up in past.
@DarkFairy0316 I don’t see it that you messed up. Your dad messed up. When someone puts you in a no win situation it’s definitely not your fault. I suspect you dad might have designed many such traps over the years and you may have learned to walk on egg shells long before this incident and perhaps learned to take on blame.
I'm guessing you must be fairly young. If your boyfriend loves you, he will love you regardless of your family. Once you're on your own, you get to decide who stays in your life and who doesn't. As far as your dad spewing off insults, remember this: What other people think of you is none of your business. How you react to what they say is your business entirely! In a nutshell, f*** 'em. You do you and be your most authentic self.
@DarkFairy0316
+1 on Pond's & PestoPasta's comments. I also suspect that your dad is getting upset on purpose, as a means of psychological control...that is, control of you.
If you are not yet 18 years old then there isn't much you can do other than minimizing contact with what sounds like a poor excuse for a father. Once you're old enough, if you & your boyfriend are still together by then & the relationship is good, you might consider moving in with him if he has a place of his own. Just a thought.
@DarkFairy0316 Hey, it's completely okay, everyone has their own ways of doing certain things, and I have ways where I do things that are "weird" or "not normal," But don't ever change it just to fit in. Not everyone has to follow the "rules set by society and the majority. Rules are for losers anyways
